tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52420758681588585522024-03-14T19:08:55.859+10:00Slapdash MamaWhere I vent my spleenSlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.comBlogger192125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-6914098616989526992016-06-19T16:27:00.001+10:002016-06-19T16:27:40.003+10:00I miss writing on my blogI really miss blogging. SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-35931029421508377762015-12-22T20:13:00.000+10:002015-12-22T20:13:38.914+10:00A big year.Hi!<br />
Well, I made it. School holidays FOR THE WIN as they say. Now I remember why I did teaching. I kid, I kid. I just re-read the last post I wrote and BY JOVE it was a bit NEGATIVE.<br />
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Despite all the rage I ended up really enjoying my time at the school. It was hard, by God it was hard, but it was totally worth it. Highlights included the Year 12 formal (I know! Hilarious!), the absolutely amazingly awesome other teachers in my staff room, new friends, some fabulous kids. I will miss it. Even the kids who hated me. I feel sorry for them because obviously I am the hippest and funnest teacher evah and they never even realised it. POOR THEM I SAY!<br />
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Anyway, I cannot WAIT to start my new job. I will be in charge of the school library and will also have two classes to teach (Year 11 and Year 8 English). It is LITERALLY (and I DON'T MEAN THIS FIGURATIVELY) my dream job. Not that I'm not freaking out about all the work and responsibility and shizz but I am so happy to have something so wonderful.<br />
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In interesting developments, we have also decided to pool our meagre financial resources in with my ole Dad's and buy a big house together with a granny flat or some such arrangement for him. A glamorous granny flat. This is also very exciting and I hope I can blog about our journey on the way. Because goodness knows I am ALL ABOUT THE JOURNEY PEOPLE #grateful #journeythingo #somethingsomething<br />
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2016 is the year I remember I want to be a writer, the year I start cooking again, the year I start exercise and the year I kick arse Teacher Librarian style. Not that I am one for setting up BIG NEW YEAR EXPECTATIONS OR ANYTHING (see previous posts for low-key New Year sensibleness).<br />
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Here's some pictures because BLOG.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sZvZ9FM_I20/Vnkhfti9iOI/AAAAAAAAJEY/0xNV_cKqcKI/s1600/20151221_161454.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sZvZ9FM_I20/Vnkhfti9iOI/AAAAAAAAJEY/0xNV_cKqcKI/s400/20151221_161454.jpg" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Playing croquet because GENTEEL and CIVILISED</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The beach, which I have taken to enjoying now that I have bought really expensive togs. That's all it takes peeps.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The tree.It's a new one. Suits the high ceilings. Don't look at the washing. I said DON'T LOOK AT IT GODD!</td></tr>
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<br />SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-6110441970186204132015-10-22T21:37:00.001+10:002015-10-22T21:37:39.642+10:00Teaching. If you can call it that.Hello there. I like to update my blog once a quarter whether I need to or not.<br />
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How is everything, I hear you ask? Well, look, good and bad. Swings and roundabouts. Ups and downs, as they say.<br />
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Did I mention I'd finished my delightful temporary gig as librarian at a charming all-girls school? No? Well, I finished it, which was sad. So I started a new temporary gig as an English teacher at a large outer-suburban state high school.<br />
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Why did I decide to do teaching again? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Because basically I can't remember right now.<br />
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The bad classes like me again now, but the good class (and I use that term RATHER LOOSELY) have decided they hate me.<br />
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This is testing my previously staunch dedication to state education. WHERE ARE PEOPLE'S MANNERS????? WHERE???<br />
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In what can only be described as an UP that is keeping me moving, I found out I got a position as a Teacher Librarian at a small Catholic girls high school. Full time. Permanent. I know. MUCH EXCITE! SO LIBRARY! VERY BOOK! ALL GIRLS SCHOOL!<br />
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Downside; doesn't start til 2016. So on I persist, dragging the reluctant teenage dirtbags through their final assessment items while their previous beloved teacher goes on maternity leave. SO EASY RIGHT!? NO PROBLEMS HERE! PIECE OF CAKE!<br />
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OMG. Say what you will about private schools, behaviour management is not even a thing there. I know. I hate myself too. <br />
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I can only hope they change my email code from sxmcc10. Yes that's right. Sex Mac. That's the email address I have to give out to the kids. Needless to say I have avoided it so far and placed a request that some NERDISH type in the IT help centre change it POST HASTE. This is happening VERY SLOWLY. Like everything seems to at the educational government department I am referring to.<br />
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I say bring back the cane*<br />
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*just kidding. The cane's too soft for the little bastards.**<br />
**IT'S OK I AM NOT REALLY ALL FOR THE CANE.<br />
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And every day I wake up I try AGAIN to be kind and understanding yet firm and GOD ALMIGHTY sometimes it goes dreadfully wrong.<br />
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Tell me it will be ok? Please? <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ME EVERY DAY NOW *insert sad face*</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-54225092217306834582015-09-21T21:31:00.003+10:002015-09-21T21:31:43.579+10:00It's harder to make a comeback than you think!Remember when Thorpie made a sort of comeback at some swim meet, maybe it was the Olympics or something, and he kind of crashed and burned? No? Well I'm pretty sure that happened at some stage. Well I am writing this blog post just so I can show up the Thorpedo for the loser that he is (kidding, he is totally not a loser he is a Great Guy with Excellent Clothes and is a fabulous role model for homosexual youngsters and hetero youngsters too for that matter).<br />
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Anyway, I never said I would be writing REGULARLY or anything! Maybe I will just do 4 blog posts a year; one every school holidays.<br />
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I've survived one full school term of full time employ and am now enjoying some quality rancho relaxo time (when I say rancho relaxo I actually mean cleaning my disgusting house, yelling at the smalls and marking).<br />
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I've been spending a lot of time recently having these feelings, and they are a bit contradictory and NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT;<br />
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1. I have been feeling disappointed with my life. I know it is NOT politically correct to say this as I am white, middle class, healthy, employed (mostly), have healthy kids, no dead parents etc. but still. I am. I really thought I would have more money by 35. I rang a financial planner today and frankly reading between the lines (or listening in between the awkward pauses) I think she was a bit shocked by our situ. I suppose at least we aren't treading too heavily on the earth. Apart from how we are always doing dumb things like laying down cold hard cash for ridiculous things, like the $15 I spent on a fancy tub of M's favourite ice-cream today. I know I AM SO STUPID!!!!!! Also, anyone on my Facebook who is reading this and thinking "there she goes again all whiney and hating on herself why won't she be more zen" just shut up.<br />
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2. Sad and worried about the refugee situation in Europe/Syria. I have started the slow process of trying to become more of an ACTIVIST instead of just sharing stupid articles on Facebook which is about as far as I usually go which is shameful and disgusting. I've put our names down to host a Syrian family when they get here which has elicited unkind comments from my husband and father that when the family sees the gross bathroom we have they will be ringing the Department of Immigration and demanding to be taken to Nauru stat (SEE I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T POLITICALLY CORRECT).<br />
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Who else here feels a bit disappointed with their financial management skills? Anyone feeling let down by their life and yet simultaneously grateful for it because NOT IN SYRIA? I am a complex creature.<br />
<br />SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-54418021719029636522015-08-12T19:15:00.001+10:002015-08-12T19:15:13.825+10:00Update.So it's been a while, yeah? I don't know where to begin. What's been happening, I hear you ask? Well, look, what HASN'T been happening might be a better question.<br />
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Since I last posted, I think this has happened;<br />
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1. Sold our beautiful house for less than we paid for it. Have only just stopped bawling my eyes out about this emotional and financial setback but still FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS AND ALL THAT EH WHAT.<br />
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2. Moved to Brisbane. I chose our rental house in what can only be described as RUSHED and LESS THAN IDEAL circumstances that were mainly about me panicking we wouldn't have a roof over our heads and now we have ended up with a character-filled but also REPULSIVELY RUNDOWN hovel. Mould, stained bath, rotten gutters, filthy venetian blinds. And so forth. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger RIGHT PEOPLE!? It's not so bad *coughs up a lung from mould spore contagion*<br />
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3. P started prep. I KNOW RIGHT WHERE DID THE TIME GO MY BABY AND ALL THAT. Seems to be going gangbusters after a shaky start.<br />
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4. Graduated as a teacher *heck yes*. Got temporary contract at fancy pants girls school. Interesting times.<br />
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There's probably other stuff but I'm exhausted from squabbling children and eating too many jelly snakes - WHAT'S NEW HEY SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE!<br />
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Tell me what's been going on with you.<br />
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Ciao.SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-74282245130741606412015-08-08T07:53:00.001+10:002015-08-08T07:53:21.356+10:00I'm back.So I've decided to return to Slapdash Mama.<br />
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I've spent months and months trying to think of a new blog and not writing anything.<br />
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It seems stupid. I've been worried about people finding this blog and then not giving me a job as a teacher but that seems ridiculous too. I mean it's an asset surely I AM JUST SO WITTY what is not to like and hire about me and this blog?<br />
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<br />Blogging has given me more enjoyment, interesting connections and lifelong friendships than anything else.<br />
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SO I'm back. For what it's worth.<br />
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Talk soon dudes. SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-22732949430807480352014-09-30T21:29:00.000+10:002014-11-16T20:24:39.751+10:00Dress, Memory - or, not a book review.My primary school years were unbelievably formative. I went to the same school from pre-school right through to Year 7, and my memories of that time are so vivid, so so vivid. Is that weird? Part of me wants to say that the people I went to primary school with made me who I am today. But I think that might be hyperbole. What with parents and relatives and high school and uni and motherhood and work and whatnot doing their level best to mould me like unwilling plasticine since 1992.<br />
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Still, it isn't over the top to say that, at least for me, the people I was devoted to in primary school had a lasting influence on me. I think of them often. I see them sometimes. I still remember their birthdays.<br />
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When we were in primary school, my friends and I were all interested in reading and writing. We used to read and act out sections of Roald Dahl novels for our reluctant classmates. Or at least that's how I remember it.<br />
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Whenever I see them, particularly my old best friend A, I can see how we influenced each other, even today. I think grown ups, and parents, underestimate the power those first friendships have on you. Sometimes when I think of P starting school, and forming those early, firm, fast attachments, I feel kind of a pang. <br />
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One of those little girls from my past has grown up to become a writer. A very good one. A clever, talented, lovely one. Her name is Lorelei and she has written a book called <i>Dress, Memory</i>, which is a memoir of her 20s, using one dress from her amazing and enormous vintage dress collection, per decade.<br />
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I pre-ordered the book, and got it delivered, signed, with a loving message inside. I devoured it in one day. The book is based on a blog by the same name but is quite different. It is funny, and lovely, and captures all the ANGST and broken hearts and weird shit that goes down in your 20s when you can't work out who the HECK you are and what on earth you are supposed to be doing with yourself. I for one had a relatively TUMULTUOUS time in my 20s, love affair wise and friend wise and life choices wise and by GOD I am glad not to be there any more.<br />
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It was a bit strange to be reading this book because it felt weirdly like it was part of my story too. Since going to different high schools, Lorelei and I have dipped in and out of each other's lives, mostly staying in contact due to her diligence and commitment to our old friendship, and more recently her unwavering support of my embryonic writing "career" haha. Pretty much all those girls I was friends with went to the local Lutheran private school, but I went to the state high school. I missed them, and was jealous of what I perceived to be their continued closeness. It was strange to read their story from another perspective, because I remember bits and pieces, and stories she told, but never the back story, never the full picture. I've always been slightly in awe of her artistic lifestyle and interesting social network, and embarrassed of my suburban existence, but reading it made me realise WE ARE ALL WEIRDOS WHO KNOW NOTHING. So many of the anecdotes and emotions were familiar to me. VERY FAMILIAR! Oh god THE YOUNG, HEY, THEY KNOW NOTHING, NOTHING I TELL YOU!<br />
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I went to the book launch at Avid Reader. We all wore our own "Dress, Memories". I donned my darling dead Nana's tartan skirt in honour of the occasion.<br />
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It was a great and emotional night. I went with my cousin B and my almost-cousin K. We got pretty emo. There were tears and we remembered the olden days when we used to share a house and each others clothes. WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE PEOPLE WHERE HAS IT GONE?<br />
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I have a lot of feelings about this book that it's hard to express, but mainly, I am just so thrilled and proud of my old dear friend for writing it. It's beautiful, clever, charming, and eloquent. Just like her. <br />
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Everyone should immediately <a href="http://www.readings.com.au/products/18608056/dress-memory" target="_blank">click on this link</a> and purchase it POST HASTE.<br />
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<br />SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-30527851280946949132014-08-27T10:22:00.001+10:002014-11-16T20:15:56.276+10:00Misandry. <div dir="ltr">
One afternoon last week , after a long day inside with the kids, I put them in the double pram and walked down to Woolies to get a few things. I used to hate pushing the pram round the streets in the early baby days with P. We live in a new estate and back then it was all dust, sun, no trees, no paths, tradies everywhere, no paths and did I mention no paths? P also used to scream like a banshee in the pram so there was that too. These days though the streets are more pleasant, it's cool weather at the moment, and the kids like a jaunt round the burbs as much as the next preschooler. It's more enjoyable all round.</div>
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So anyway we went and bought our stuff at Woolies and B fell asleep in the pram so I took the opportunity to pop into the new Dan Murphy's that has opened. How excitement, I mean it's walking distance! I selected an affordable bottle of French bubbles as my inaugural local Dan's purchase and lined up to pay. As I rummaged around in the pram to find my purse, I said to the high vis-wearing guy behind me to go ahead if he wanted to.</div>
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"You sure?" he said, as I ferreted around fruitlessly. <br />
"Yes, Yes sure, I'm trying not to wake the baby, go ahead!" I repeated. </div>
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There was a bit more of that sort of exchange but he did go ahead, I found my purse, paid and went on my way.</div>
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As I walked down the main road outside the shopping centre, I suddenly heard someone beeping as they approached. I turned to look, and could see someone in a 4wd beeping and waving at me as they drove past. I didn't wave back, they went by too quickly, but thought to myself " Oh, who was that? Someone I know?". The car turned off to the right and drove into the distance. I wondered who it had been, maybe the husband of one of my friends? I could see he was wearing a high vis top. </div>
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I kept walking closer to home, and crossed into the street leading into our little estate. Suddenly, there he was again, turning into the street in front of me, beeping and waving. I felt embarrassed, like I should recognize him. He pulled up as I walked past. </div>
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"WHO IS THAT MUMMY! " P was yelling.</div>
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"Someone who thinks they know me darling, they've made a mistake I think! " I told her.</div>
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I kept walking, thinking, maybe he was visiting a display home? Was he a neighbour I didn't recognize?</div>
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And then he appeared again. He'd turned around, and he'd followed me. He beeped and waved and stopped in the middle of the street.</div>
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"Need a lift?" He called. I was still too far away to see his face properly but I remember thinking it looked red, flushed. I half stopped and turned his way. Did he have a hat on? I can't even remember now.</div>
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"No thank you!" I smiled and waved politely, still worried he was someone I should recognize.</div>
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Then, he smiled, leaned further out of his window and called out , "You single?"</div>
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Almost before the words were out of his mouth I'd turned on my heel, practically running, pushing the kids through a cut away in the fence, an easement that leads through to the cul de sac next to my street.</div>
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My heart was beating like a thousand drums. Did that just happen? </div>
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"WHO WAS THAT MAN MUMMY WHAT WAS HE SAYING?" P yelled again.</div>
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"Nobody, darling. He was just saying hello."</div>
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I didn't look back. I kept going until I was at the top, almost on my street. My heart was freaking pounding like it was going to jump out of my chest. As I came to the corner I suddenly thought, what if he was there? Could he still see me? </div>
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I raced inside and locked the door. </div>
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I replayed it over and over. I rang M and told him. I thought of the guy in Dan Murphy's, with the high vis shirt on. Was it him? </div>
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I'm still thinking about it, sort of second guessing myself. Going over and over the details in my head.</div>
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Maybe he was just being friendly? </div>
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But he followed me. In his car. And yelled out his window at me, asked if I was single, in front of my little kids. Who SAYS that to a strange woman pushing her kids in a double pram? </div>
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But maybe I misheard him?</div>
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But he still followed me. In his car. He doubled back to find me.</div>
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Was he someone I knew?? Maybe someone from the gym? I'd had another weird interaction with a gym dude a while ago...was it him?</div>
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No. I saw him three times. I'd have recognized him.</div>
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It's weird how at the time my body knew what to do before my mind did. My dumb apologetic second guessing brain wants to think the best of everyone.</div>
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M and I laughed about it that night, because, well, you know. I said, maybe he saw me buying the booze with the kids in the pram and thought, now that looks like a single Mum who needs some company!</div>
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Which is funny, but also deeply unfunny. Because far out, dude. Didn't your mother tell you not to follow women in your car? </div>
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The next morning I wanted to walk the kids to kindy. So I did, even though that guy scared the living shit out of me. As I walked the streets, I scanned every car for his sand coloured 4wd. </div>
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Wasn't there of course.</div>
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It feels like a sort of weird dream now, a funny anecdote that I could laugh off. But it's this kind of casually sinister stuff that women put up with all the time and goes on over and over again . Why? </div>
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Like that time, years ago, when a well dressed middle aged man in a bright red Commodore screamed at me in rage, as I pushed my newborn baby across the road outside the Mater hospital, that I didn't "own the fucking road!!!!!!!". That time, I cried, already fragile. People stood around. Nobody said anything to reassure me. W</div>
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SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-71574354762438202562014-08-25T08:44:00.001+10:002014-08-25T09:17:17.352+10:00Confessions of a non flosser: a cautionary tale<p dir="ltr">Hello.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Um. </p>
<p dir="ltr">So this is awkward. You look good. Keeping well. Lost weight?<br>
No, me either. More's the pity.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Well, I've been really busy and popular and attractive since I last saw you, in case you were wondering.<br>
Life's never been better.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Apart from my ghastly wisdom tooth gum infection dramas that are slowly being rectified with two different types of antibiotics of course. Hashtag agony hashtag so sick hashtag frightenedofdentaljudgement.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I've been Googling gum disease like a crazy person. Apparently there's a strong connection between gum disease and heart disease which has cheered me up no end and has contributed in no way at all to my fevered gargling of apple cider vinegar and desperate flossing and sudden and hasty purchase of coQ10 enzyme something something. I'm eating that shit like it's candy. Except I don't eat candy any more because you know tooth abscess gum ulcer infection thing who knows haven't actually gone to the dentist yet but it's sure to be dire. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm wondering if this has been lurking in my mouth for ages now, contributing to the general malaise and unwellness that has been thoroughly documented in this here blog aka whinging diatribe.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Now that the antibiotics have kicked in I actually feel remarkably energetic and better than I have for ages so maybe I'm right. Anyway I'm stealing myself for the lecture I'm bound to get from the dentist because I haven't been for about 2 years I think and am a sporadic flosser. Dentists hate non flossers. Which I think is counter intuitive because I'm putting their kids through school so they should be thanking me really.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I've learned my lesson though. </p>
<p dir="ltr">In other news, I'm going to the ProBlogger cocktail party this Friday as Amanda Cooker and a Looker's date which is rather exciting. Will be less exciting if I've just had a wisdom tooth extracted but we shall cross that dental bridge when we come to it. The theme for this party is Ahoy. So, nautical. I'm pretty excited by this concept and have been internally workshopping a potential outfit that I'm hoping will make me look like this...<br></p>
<p dir="ltr"><br></p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-1tuVrYictr0/U_pwaMWim5I/AAAAAAAAFdc/U7oGa5XvRBU/s1600/152ccd107586dcb5dc9a2f7c187ff923.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-1tuVrYictr0/U_pwaMWim5I/AAAAAAAAFdc/U7oGa5XvRBU/s640/152ccd107586dcb5dc9a2f7c187ff923.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">...but will probably make me look more like this...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-NaVzYzscTPc/U_pwtIvz7FI/AAAAAAAAFdo/KToqZ4IxzHA/s1600/wpid-marcilio%25252Bdias%25252Bpopeye01-hd-cartoon-wallpapers.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-NaVzYzscTPc/U_pwtIvz7FI/AAAAAAAAFdo/KToqZ4IxzHA/s640/wpid-marcilio%25252Bdias%25252Bpopeye01-hd-cartoon-wallpapers.png"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">So, do you floss? Enjoy smoking a pipe and eating spinach? Flounce about in Culottes?</div>SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-81515807044758310862014-07-23T23:31:00.001+10:002014-11-16T20:16:27.587+10:00An anthropological study on the effects of gender on computer game choice, including observations on Gen Y social interaction in educational settings and uptake of cigarette smoking.So my job at the uni library is weird. I already mentioned that hanging with the youth of today makes me feel old as the hills, but in its defence working here does provide a relatively high level of entertainment. I while away the hours on my late late shift (the library is open until 1am, can you BELIEVE IT!) silently observing the HUMAN INTERACTIONS around me and by God it's fascinating.<br />
<br />
Some of the more enlightening observations, in an ANTHROPOLOGICAL sense (just call me Margaret Mead) include the following;<br />
<br />
- one of my main tasks involves issuing X box controllers and X box games to students so they can procrasti-game instead of performing legitimate LEARNING TASKS. Frankly, I think that this is what is wrong with the Youth of Today and I occasionally tell them so in no uncertain terms because I FEEL LIKE IT IS MY ROLE. They find me terribly amusing I can tell you. Also they often ask me for technological things like HDMI cords or something and blah blah syncing the controllers blah blah something and everytime they do this I have to ask them to tell me which thingie they are talking about by holding them up so they can point to the correct one. If they can't find a book, I say "Goodness me what is wrong with the youth of today!?" and if they can't use the stapler I say "Goodness me what is wrong with the youth of today!?" and it gives me no end of pleasure. Anyway, back to the observations re X box thingies. I have documented an interesting phenomena that I believe speaks in a profound way to the possibility of INNATE GENDER DIFFERENCE. Basically it has come to my attention that;<br />
<br />
a) 9/10 times it is young chaps who borrow X Box games and <br />
b) when they do so it is ALWAYS either Call of Duty or FIFA that they borrow and NOTHING ELSE even though there is an ENTIRE COLLECTION OF GAMES TO CHOOSE FROM and <br />
c) sometimes, if the rare girl borrows a game, it could be any one of ALL OF THE REST OF THE GAMES.<br />
<br />
Isn't that interesting? Do you see what I am saying here? Significant, no? I find it so and muse on it endlessly. There are definite ramifications for the nature vs nurture debate in that one, make no mistake my friends. *raises one eyebrow in a meaningful way*<br />
<br />
- the university library is a hub of AWKWARD social interaction for PEOPLE IN THEIR EARLY TWENTIES and frankly if I have to witness another conversation such as the following I am basically going to go postal or call shenanigans on them or call their mums or something;<br />
<br />
Guy [<i>walking one way, </i><i>to girl walking past him the other way] </i>Hey! I know you from somewhere!<br />
Girl: Yeah! Yeah....I think I know you from somewhere too!<br />
Guy: [<i>pauses, staring at her meaningfully, leans back and points his finger at her]</i> I know, the beer garden!<br />
Girl: <i>[looks blankly at him]</i><br />
Guy (less confident now): Ummmmm....yeah it was you wasn't it?<br />
Girl: Ummmm...<br />
Guy<i> [rapidly losing confidence]:</i> Oh...no...I know...the other night...at the casino? You were drunk.<br />
Girl <i>[showing some signs of remembering]</i>: oh yes! Yes! You work at the casino?!<br />
Guy: No. No I don't work at the casino. Remember, we were all "I go to [insert uni name here]", and <br />
"Hey me too!", and then we came back here, and then...<br />
Girl: Oh yeah, yeah, i remember you, how are you?<br />
Guy: Good.<br />
<br />
At this point I had to retreat back into the returns area because OMG THE AWKWARD MAKE IT STOP OMG.<br />
<br />
- There are also PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION and I CANNOT HANDLE IT MAN I AM NOT EUROPEAN THIS IS AUSTRALIA I AM UPTIGHT AND IN MY 30s AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR YOUTHFUL LUSTY WAYS THANK YOU VERY MUCH I JUST WANT A WARM BATH AND A HOT WATER BOTTLE.<br />
<br />
I need two new signs made for the counter top - one is to read "Get a room alley cats!" and the other will state that the lobby area is a "Social awkwardness free zone".<br />
<br />
- all the KIDS TODAY still smoke. It makes me think about smoking and then I start wanting to take it up. It becomes quite an attractive prospect. I consider the FOR argument for my taking up cigarettes to include the following points;<br />
<br />
a) it would make me thin<br />
b) it's not like I'm 14 years old, so I wouldn't be smoking for as long and consequently I would already be old and decrepit by the time it started to kill me, therefore it is totally not that bad<br />
c) I would look glamorous like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction <br />
<br />
Obviously the AGAINST argument is basically;<br />
<br />
a) it's smoking you idiot!<br />
<br />
In conclusion, kids today eh? *shakes head knowingly, raises eyebrows, tsks meaningfully*<br />
<br />SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-62282579761266203252014-07-10T00:06:00.001+10:002014-11-16T20:17:13.325+10:00Why I write.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There’s this THING going round, perhaps I could call it a
meme? It’s blogging community related anyway, and it’s like a sort of pass the
parcel for GROWN UP writery types.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My dear friend Caitlin from Mother Down Under has passed it
onto me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s an invitation to answer
the question “Why do you write?”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Caitlin texted me to make sure it was ok to pass the torch
on to me, so to speak, probs because basically I don’t really write much at the
moment. HAHAHAAAAA. Not that I don’t want to! By God I’ve always got words
swirling round my head but by Jove it’s tough to get a moment alone with a
writing apparatus to get them down on the bally jolly buggery paper.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Still, I am jumping at this opportunity to SPILL MY GUTS
about why I do what I (sporadically) do.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What am I working on?</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am trying to write some longer versions of blog posts in the hope I can craft them into something I can get published some place. It's proving difficult. Also I have started thinking in more detail about a book i want to write. Yes. Thinking. Not writing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I really feel the strong urge to come up with some sort of ingenious creative endeavour but I am sort of falling flat. In that I am not coming up with one. Any ideas? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How does my writing differ from others of its genre?</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Genre? Genre? What genre even is my writing? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How does my writing process work?</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just have words and shit swirling round my head all day and sometimes I spew it out here. If I am trying to write something else I stop and start and stop and start. I used to take notes on my phone every time something good came into my head. I should probably start doing that again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why do I write?</span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well. Look, I think the reason I write can be summed up
eloquently in this way.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I write shit down because when I try and say it out loud, it always comes out all screwy and peeps end up
looking at me like…</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img src="http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/bsi.gif" height="179" width="320" /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But you see, if I write it all down, man, it comes out
SMOOTH LIKE….umm….SMOOTH LIKE PEANUT BUTTER OUT OF THE JAR ON A WARM DAY. Now that is MOTHEREFFING SMOOTH PEOPLE.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You see what I’m getting at!?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here’s an example.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me [sitting at the desk at work]: HAHAHAHAHA</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Coworker: what are you laughing at?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: Oh, it’s this thing on the internet, it’s a blog, she’s so hilarious and high fashion but also FUNNY and she was just going
on about culottes and shit and she’s really thin and her blog is called Man
Repeller, because she doesn’t wear makeup but it’s MORE THAN THAT it’s
completely brilliant and guess what I just saw she was born like 10 years after
me, how come she is so funny, it’s not really fair, but get this she has this
MANIFESTO and it’s all about Man Repelling and I am totally a man repeller from
way back because of my commitment to pubic hair and…</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Coworker: </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/wdys.gif"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img alt="What Did You Say?" class="alignnone wp-image-18872" src="http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/wdys.gif" height="203" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But like, if I totally write it all down it makes sense,
right? Am I right? I’m right aren’t I? It makes sense? People? People? Anybody?
Bueller?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Anyway I think I am supposed to nominate some other bloggers....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I choose my friend <a href="http://www.housewifeinheels.com/" target="_blank">Housewife in Heels</a>, and also ole Frank at <a href="http://www.talkingfrankly.net/" target="_blank">Talking Frankly</a>. Even though they may have already done it. Soz if you have guys.</span></div>
SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-40894694589917075222014-06-17T14:45:00.000+10:002014-11-16T20:17:52.170+10:00Let age be no barrier.<div dir="ltr">
Hello everyone. Life is very busy round these parts, and on top of that I've been doing a lot of unproductive deep thinking about life, love and the universe. And age. Actually, let's face it, I've mostly been obsessing about my age.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I feel really old at the moment. I've realised it has no small part to do with the fact that I am now working part time at a university library again (the same one that my husband works at no less, which is amusing in its own way). I don't know if you know, but apparently it is possible to now be old enough to be a university student and to also have BEEN BORN IN 1997! WHAT THE !? The first time I clapped eyes on a PYT's student card and saw her birthday I was momentarily lost for words. I am ACTUALLY old enough to be her mother. WAAAAAAAHHHHH! The last time I was employed at a uni library I was the same age as the kids studying there. Hell, I WAS one of the kids studying there! I was partying like it was 1999 (AND IT ACTUALLY WAS!) and working my way through some of the cute shelving staff. DON'T READ THIS MOM! How things have changed. I'm reeling from the shock frankly. In the last few months I've gone from working at an ARCHAIC and BUREAURATIC institution where I was still considered YOUNG and CRAZY HIP and OUT THERE, to a cosmopolitan educational institution where I am quite obviously OVER THE HILL.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
These days I am;</div>
<div dir="ltr">
a) carrying an extra 15kgs</div>
<div dir="ltr">
b) embracing the FARSHON concept MATRONLY BOHO which frankly I just don't think the KIDS catch the vision of</div>
<div dir="ltr">
c) married</div>
<div dir="ltr">
d) a mother</div>
<div dir="ltr">
e) battle hardened</div>
<div dir="ltr">
f) newly attracted to LIQUID EYELINER</div>
<div dir="ltr">
g) prone to making DAD JOKES when the kids come to the desk which CONFUSES and sometimes ENRAGES them</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I KNOW! I can't really believe it either.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-THO_0rab9HA/U5_FulsPQkI/AAAAAAAAFb0/1eu0g1u7Id8/s1600/2014-06-05+14.27.37.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-THO_0rab9HA/U5_FulsPQkI/AAAAAAAAFb0/1eu0g1u7Id8/s1600/2014-06-05+14.27.37.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here I am preparing to FREAK OUT THE KIDS at work, in a TYPICAL matronly boho ensemble, inspired by Stevie Nicks, Kate Bush and Kath and Kim. If I can't answer a question they ask me, I just whoosh my batwing sleeves around and jangle my bracelets at them until they go away.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr">
Still, I imagine it's not bad practice for when I get out onto the front line in a school and am twenty times everyone's age and still trying to impress them by throwing YOUTH LINGO around and making awkward references to YOUTH CULTURE AND MUSIC and shouting things like "YOLO!" at them like it ain't no thang.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I already have the sense that this will be embarrassing for the teens to whom I inflict this on, and yet it still holds great attraction for me. I can't wait to get my hands on a class full of spotty teens and start rapping sections of Macbeth or beat boxing underneath someone's monologue. THEY WILL LOVE IT!</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
And it's kind of fun being an objective observer in amongst the kids of today, because you get to watch their awkward attempts at flirtation with each other, the YOUTH FARSHON, and also I have easy access to lots of DVDs to borrow out. Winning!</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
One of the whippersnapper shelving staff (they are all students) casually revealed he was 21, and my jaw hit the floor. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Whippersnapper: <i>It totally sucks I don't get paid as much because of my age</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>What do you mean? </i> </div>
<div dir="ltr">
Whippersnapper:<i> I'm only 21 you know</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>[Shocked silence]</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Whippersnapper: <i>Yeah, and we are all going to be saddled with huge uni debts when everyone like you got their education for free</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>Now steady on! I'm not THAT bloody old, mate!</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
We also had another awkward conversation about his studies.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<i> </i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>So, what are you studying</i>?</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Whippersnapper: <i>International relations and law.</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>Oh wow that is so cool! I studied international relations!</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<i>[Awkward silence as whippersnapper processes this information and struggles to conceal the disappointment in his face]</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>Yeah, haha! I used to think I might work for AusAid one day. And now look at me! HAHAHAHA!</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<i>[Student fails to conceal the complex mixture of emotions he is feeling - fear that his future will mean he ends up back on the loans desk where he started, pity for me and my disappointing career, fear again, then embarrassment, then back to fear]</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
</div>
<div dir="ltr">
That's right, kids, I am the GHOST OF FUTURE YOU, ready to CRUSH YOUR DREAMS WITH A DOSE OF REALITY AND LOTS OF STORIES ABOUT MY SMALL CHILDREN AND THEIR AMUSING PENCHANTS FOR POO AND BUM JOKES!! Mwahahaha.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
As well as obsessing about my age I have also been worrying myself SICK about my weight which has ONCE AGAIN notched up another few kgs. AARGH.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
So I went and joined a gym. I walked in with my LOUD floral leggins on, my 4.5 year old girl and B in a pram. I got a small tour from a MUSCLED TYPE who I assume is what is known colloquially as a PERSONAL TRAINER. He showed me that they had exercise bikes, cross trainers, weights, free weights and some other weird shit. I mean, was I meant to be impressed? It was a gym, right? I felt like perhaps I was missing something.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vQO33QB9EmM/U5_FkhkfQWI/AAAAAAAAFbo/bsU2Zy1HC2c/s1600/2014-05-08+08.26.27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vQO33QB9EmM/U5_FkhkfQWI/AAAAAAAAFbo/bsU2Zy1HC2c/s1600/2014-05-08+08.26.27.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's me in my fancy leggings. They totally aren't ready for this jelly.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>Um, ok. Good-oh</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Muscled Type: <i>Yeah, and the {something something machine} does this, and that's really good blah blah</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>[eyes glazing over} Mmmmhmmm</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Muscled Type: <i>So, how do you usually work out?</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>I don't. </i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Muscled Type: <i>You don't what?</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>I don't work out.</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Muscled Type: <i>[Shocked silence]</i></div>
<br />
<br />
<div dir="ltr">
Me:<i> I do YOGA though.</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Muscled Type: <i>[Snorts] Oh RIGHT, YOGA!</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Me: <i>Ugh, it's GOOD for you!</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Muscled Type: <i>[Rolls eyes] Yeah, yeah, I know</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Anyway, such was the level of my desperation to STRIP MYSELF OF FLAB that I signed up anyway. Let's see how that goes. <i> </i> </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
In other interesting news, I have gained inspiration from PINTEREST and repurposed our change table as a TEA AND COFFEE STATION, thereby reclaiming some bench space and simultaneously looking HIP and CRAFTY. What's not to like??</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D9qGuTIR3AU/U5_Fy2oFlII/AAAAAAAAFb8/eW3g7gWYlsA/s1600/2014-06-11+14.58.02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D9qGuTIR3AU/U5_Fy2oFlII/AAAAAAAAFb8/eW3g7gWYlsA/s1600/2014-06-11+14.58.02.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aforementioned former change table. No more babies for us, just all the tea and coffee we can drink! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
How are you guys going? Joined a gym recently? Obsessed with your former youth? Repurposed the shizz out of anything interesting?<br />
<br />
Mwah.SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-24162939688543000312014-06-02T21:53:00.000+10:002014-11-16T20:18:41.316+10:00Where the actual is winter? And other complaints. LANGUAGE WARNING FOR DELICATE TYPES!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have, however, had what can only be described as a BAD DAY
today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t rest on your laurels,
people. Bad days are hiding round corners in even the rosiest of rosy
households!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Firstly, where the actual is winter? I mean come
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On so many levels this weather is
disconcerting to me. Disconcerting to the MAX.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have broken out my jeans on NUMEROUS occasions, only to be confronted
with scorching temperatures requiring the SHAVING OF LEGS and WEARING OF SUMMER
DRESSES again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have put the DOONAS on
the beds. DOONAS, PEOPLE!!! I have been schvitzing like a schmendrick. This
endless summer is NO LAUGHING MATTER.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And furthermore, what about the polar caps, polar bears, and all things
polar? I bet the water levels are rising at a rate visible to the naked eye
now. I blame that schmuck Tony Abbott and all his ghastly cronies. DAMN YOU
TONY YOU EVIL MISOGYNIST CLIMATE CHANGE DENIER. DAMN YOU TO HECK.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Secondly, my hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let’s deal with that, shall we?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So I’ve made a sort of OUT OF LEFT FIELD and WACKY commitment to no
longer using shampoo on my hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know,
crazy, right? The thing is, and bear with me here friends, I was getting
millions of sores and scabs on my scalp. I HOPE YOU AREN’T EATING WHILE YOU
READ THIS! And then I was picking them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I KNOW! SO DISGUSTING! I am basically the grossest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, as an attempt to remedy this ewky
problem, I decided to; a) stop washing my hair so much, because I figured
washing it too much was making it produce too much oil and then I was getting
nasty pimply spots, and so forth, and b) when I DID wash it, I was to embrace the
dictums of what is known colloquially as the “No ‘poo” movement, and use only
bicarb soda and apple cider vinegar. Definitely no poo! I KNOW IT SOUNDS WACK!
Maybe it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway I am trying to get
to the point where I only wash my hair once a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the moment I can only make it about 3 days
without wanting to shave it all off and sell it a la Cosette in Les Mis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or was it her teeth she sold? Actually I
think it was Fantine not Cosette? Whatever, it’s gross. It’s greasy and itchy.
What the fuck. Why I am I even putting myself through this horrendous
ordeal?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a LIVING HELL PEOPLE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thirdly, PARENTING. I am not PARENTING in a CONSCIOUS way at
the moment. I am parenting in a fucking exhausted and half arsed manner whilst
allowing the children to watch too much TV and checking the fadizzle out of my
phone every two seconds just in case something DRAMATIC has occurred in those 2
seconds that I might not have known about. FUCKING SMART PHONES. FUCK THEM. I
am really addicted to the fucking phone and it is affecting my LIFE MAN. My
parenting, my motivation, my self esteem, GODDAMN EVERYTHING. What to do? I
LOVE IT I HATE IT I LOVE IT I HATE IT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Anyway, parenting is KICKING MY ARSE in other ways too. I am hardcore trying
to live in the now and enjoy the moment with my beautiful 4.5 year old darling
girl before I lose her to school next year, BUT OMFG IT IS HARD MAN. HARD HARD
HARD at the moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her relentlessnessness
is EXHAUSTIPATING. She plays NEVER ENDING “Let’s pretend” games and forces me
to join in. Forces me I tell you. I am a pawn in her Game of Thrones. She is like
that creepy little boy king, whatsisname, and I am basically Ned Stark. With no
head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*sobs weakly*</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, these things too;</div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>My neverending cough that keeps me awake til the
wee small hours</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> <span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>The federal budget – OMFG what can I even say
about that</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Children being held in detention centres still.
Fuck.</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>My weight, my lack of exercise and my comfort
eating. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I said, it’s been a rough day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I have these awesome things to get me
through;</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Not working at my old toxic workplace any more.
Thank FUCK.</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Ben and Holly – best show on telly – “I’m an
egg, I’m an egg!”</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Our beautiful garden. Delightful, I tell you!</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Op shopping. It’s like a drug. </li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Getting fake nails with shellac. WHY HAVE I NEVER
DONE THIS BEFORE OMG IT IS THE GREATEST</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Discovering liquid eyeliner. SEE ABOVE POINT RE:
shellac! OM to the mother-lovin G!</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Now that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Out with anger, in with love.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How are you all traveling? I care, I do. I really really do!</div>
SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-49764718597500195372014-05-01T21:29:00.001+10:002014-05-01T21:29:57.660+10:00Thrifty Thursday.Hello.<br />
<br />
OK so week one of my new schedule and I am FREAKING THE HECK OUT about an assignment that is due tomorrow that I totally thought I had sort of finished and now have decided is ALL WRONG WRONG WRONG AND MUST BE FIXED.<br />
<br />
So I have decided to combine this week's Thrifty Thursday with FARSHHHHIIOOONNNNNNNNNN Friday. If it's all the same to you.<br />
<br />
Here's a sneak peak.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wC_DG9esz98/U2IvJ5dfP7I/AAAAAAAAFWE/txyZvN10Gbg/s1600/2014-04-17+17.04.06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wC_DG9esz98/U2IvJ5dfP7I/AAAAAAAAFWE/txyZvN10Gbg/s1600/2014-04-17+17.04.06.jpg" height="400" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Skirt dress thing - OP SHOPPED FOR SHIZZLE. Denim vesty arrangement - ALSO OP SHOPIZZLEDDIZZLED! Yeah boi!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-86108297907273581462014-04-30T12:28:00.001+10:002014-04-30T12:34:35.289+10:00My very exciting announcement!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
I don't know about you lot but I always read a blog entry that has some sort of "EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT!" or "HARDCORE BLOG DEVELOPMENTS OMG THINGS ARE HAPPENING FOR ME FINALLY!" title.<br />
<br />
I mean, who wouldn't!<br />
<br />
So...basically I have tricked you...no exciting developments here. MWAHAHAHAHA. Oh dear I feel practically crazed with power.<br />
<br />
Still, I have decided I am going to become more diligent with the blog and try and make something happen.<br />
<br />
I mean I am freaking talented and my whole life is performance art so if others can do it, why not I?<br />
<br />
So, as professional bloggers and organised people are wont to do, I have decided to institute a blogging schedule. This is to force me into writing every day. <br />
<br />
Here it is - oh I am so excited!*<br />
<br />
<b>Monday </b>- Moaning Martha Monday - join me as I elucidate on things that get my goat, where I vent my proverbial spleen, and where I basically WHINGE FOR AUSTRALIA!<br />
<br />
<b>Tuesday</b> - Tasty Tuesdays! Join me, um, again I guess, as I talk about FOOD - come here for tips and tricks, budget meal ideas and healthy recipes!**<br />
<br />
<b>Wednesday</b> - WHINGING WEDNESDAY! Oh no wait, that sounds a bit too much like Moaning Martha Monday. Ughh. I'll have to come back to Wednesday.<br />
<br />
<b>Thursday</b> - Thrifty Thursday! Join me, as I go on incessantly about all the crap I've bought at op shops. Crazy Jesus statues with chipped noses? TICK! Ancient Scottish woollen sweaters? GUILTY AS CHARGED!<br />
<br />
<b>Friday</b> - FARSHHHHHION FRIDAY! This one is my favourite. Here I will go on about clothes and that. Because I like clothes. And that.<br />
<br />
<b>Saturday - </b>On Saturdays we will welcome back the much missed SLAPDASH REPORT! Where I update you on all things CURRENT AFFAIRS AND POLITIC-ESQUE. You know you want it!<br />
<br />
<b>Sunday</b> - Slappy Sunday. Here I just crap on about whatever I feel like. AWESOME TO THE MAX!<br />
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OK...so what should I do for Wednesdays? Any ideas? Anyone out there still reading this blog?<br />
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Alan? Alan? Alan?<br />
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Here's a photo of a hamster.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at him! HE HAS A CORM! </td></tr>
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*DISCLAIMER: am not actually that excited<br />
**HAHAHAHA as if - tricked you again. I will talk about food though I guess because I tend to eat lots of it, more's the pity.SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-13511039376700251972014-04-25T23:06:00.001+10:002014-04-25T23:08:00.151+10:00Procrasti-bunting - a CRAFTY HOW-TO!Now I don't know about you, dear reader, but I spend a shizz-load of time looking at things on the interwebs like Apartment Therapy, and following various interior designy crafty people on Instagram and whatnot. In doing so, I had a revelation - there was one thing all these people had in common. They had BUNTING!<br />
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Yes, that's right, BUNTING! Bunting is to hipster parents interior designing the living shnizzle out of their kid's bedroom what, well, what a baton is to a conductor, what a mullet is to a bogan. It is the HEART AND SOUL of hip parenting style.<br />
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So, I said to myself - SELF, I said - I need to get me some bunting!<br />
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For a little while I contemplated sewing some...and then I had a good lie down and realised the folly of my ways. AS IF!<br />
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Check out this super easy and creative alternative! Check it out I say!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">YOU TOO CAN GET THIS LOOK IN JUST A FEW EASY STEPS!</td></tr>
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HOW GOOD DOES THIS LOOK!? Pretty bloody good, right!?<br />
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So, you are probably thinking - HOW ON EARTH DID SHE MAKE THIS AMAZING BUNTING WITHOUT THE USE OF NEEDLE AND THREAD!? Well wonder no more. For I will tell you all.<br />
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I call this procrasti-bunting - because I was supposed to be doing something important instead when I made it. AS USUAL!<br />
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No-sew bunting - SLAPDASH STYLE!<br />
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1. Get some paper doilies that your lovely sister-in-law bought for you as a present once. Not sure what she was hoping I would use them for but I'm hoping making bunting from them is ok. Anyway lucky she bought them because I have NO IDEA where you would get paper doilies from. NONE I SAY!<br />
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2. Get some scissors. Cut the doilies into triangles - I KNOW WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THIS IT'S AMAZING RIGHT!<br />
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3. Get some kitchen string. Sticky tape the triangles onto said kitchen string. Then blu-tak the fark out of that string and stick it to the wall in the kids bedroom.<br />
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AND BOB IS YOUR FREAKING UNCLE!<br />
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You can thank me later.<br />
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Got any BRILLIANT craft tips like mine? Fancy a bit of bunting? Do you go a paper doily? Let me know.SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-83904581371320887332014-04-12T21:25:00.000+10:002014-04-12T21:25:03.930+10:00It's tooooo darn hot!Hello there.<br />
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What have you been up to?<br />
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I've been doing the following;<br />
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- uni assignments<br />
- uni assignments<br />
- marking other people's uni assignments because MONEY<br />
- sweating<br />
- complaining about the weather<br />
- visiting with my parents<br />
- going to op shops<br />
- celebrating my birthday belatedly with some fabbo blogging chums <br />
- taking my small daughter to a 4th birthday party at a play centre, momentarily panicking because I lost said small daughter for a goodly 5 minutes, then retrieving small daughter from stranger's birthday party after she insinuated herself into their room, sat down at the table, donned a party hat and began to eat her illicit chicken nuggets and chips with gusto. <br />
- sweating<br />
- toilet training my boy - only he is sort of doing it all himself WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT THEN!? Touch wood, eh!?<br />
- uni assignments<br />
- loads of washing<br />
- thinking about exercise<br />
- thinking about being fat<br />
- folding loads of washing<br />
- tidying and retidying my cluttered house<br />
- taking my kids to the Lego movie in the middle of the day on the school holidays YEAH THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA I DON'T THINK OMG SO BUSY AND ACTUALLY I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE IT THAT MUCH<br />
- shaving my legs DAMN YOU CLIMATE CHANGE AND TONY ABBOTT<br />
- joining the Labor party - I KNOW THEY AREN'T PERFECT BUT DAMMIT I AM GOING TO BE PART OF THE SOLUTION NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM GRASSROOTS AND ALL THAT<br />
- thinking about all the things I want to write but don't have time at the moment because ASSIGNMENTS and MARKING and CHILDREN and HOT WEATHER<br />
- thinking about POLITICS and getting HOT UNDER THE COLLAR. Is anyone else married to someone whose political opinions have diverged dramatically from yours? How do you avoid <strike>killing them </strike>ahahaha I mean squabbles? My husband is slowly turning into Boris Johnson, but without the good bits. I KID I KID HE HAS SOME GOOD BITS. Just not Boris Johnson's. Oh God I'm digging myself a hole.<br />
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I should probably stop typing because another blogger was telling me how they were looking back at their archives and when they first starting this blogging caper, hahaha, so funny, they just had posts with tonnes and tonnes of text and no pictures! I MEAN WHO WANTS TO READ THAT SHIT RIGHT!??<br />
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Ah oh.<br />
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Here's a picture - QUICK!<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EZPElK4l3t8/U0khZUim9nI/AAAAAAAAFU8/JGKQTzzRBz4/s1600/Boris-Johnson-and-muppet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EZPElK4l3t8/U0khZUim9nI/AAAAAAAAFU8/JGKQTzzRBz4/s1600/Boris-Johnson-and-muppet.jpg" height="285" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My husband, with friend. I KID I KID! This is Boris Johnson. He's a right character!</td></tr>
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Here's a well-made bed to distract you all...<br />
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Hope you have some nice clean sheets to snuggle down on. Don't know why I bothered putting fresh sheets on our bed, I'll only sweat all over them again.<br />
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WHEN THE HELL AM I GOING TO BE ABLE TO WEAR MY JEANS?????<br />
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It's inhuman.<br />
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Good night, my friends, and good luck.SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-84604455488615649022014-04-07T22:22:00.000+10:002014-04-07T22:22:16.149+10:00DevelopmentsWell so much for more diligent blogging and writing. I haven't written a jolly thing except To Do lists and one essay since my last enthusiastic blog post.<br />
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Unemployed life is just so darn busy!<br />
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Here are some visuals...<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Momma's watchin' her stories</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Git yerself some grits child, Momma's busy</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Momma's got a good feelin about this one kids!</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-mmILUnMN9pQ/U0KQb3ES9rI/AAAAAAAAFT0/aKV36_YTsf8/s1600/20140403_131211.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> </a>Anyway, when I haven't been wasting time instagramming the shizz out of myself wearing a weird mullet (and LOOK I think that is a totally CREATIVE and LEGITIMATE artform so there), I've been wasting time at op shops. SEEING A THEME HERE PEOPLE? I start the blog post with pained complaints about having no time to blog/write, then i talk about all the weird crap I've bought at opshops. I think of opshopping as a totally legit creative artform too. My life is basically one long piece of performance art.</div>
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Here I am modelling an outfit sourced mainly from opshops. YOU TOO COULD GET THIS LOOK AND BE JUST AS LUMPEN AND AWKWARD LOOKING AS I! Oh yeah baby. I call this look "Matronly Boho".You saw it here first. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You can't tell in this photo but I am wearing BLACK UNDIES and the skirt is basically TOTALLY TRANSPARENT. I went to the shops and the library like this. I essentially don't even care any more. Check out my undies WHATEVER!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also got these shoes. HOW GOOD ARE MY LEGS? SO GOOD! </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Got these shoes too. My legs! I tell you! They are hot! Long hair don't care!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Got this hipster retro macrame plant holder at an op shop. What a find! God it was an exciting moment.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Got carried away with reading <a href="http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/" target="_blank">Apartment Therapy</a> and embracing my macrame pot holder so I bought some more Hipster plants inluding this mother-in-law's tongue and pink pot. Don't know what's going on with my arm in this pic,something cray cray is happening.</td></tr>
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Other things I have achieved recently include;</div>
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- finishing all the Breaking Bad episodes. I was satisfied with the end but wonder, will there ever be a Jesse spinoff? I for one would watch it.</div>
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- taking up Lap Swimming. That is to say, I
went once, last week. Still, I was impressed with myself and
instagrammed that moment too, for posterity. I hope to repeat it at some
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This brings me to another related development- I have committed to NEVER EVER shaving or waxing my bikini line again. My skin just can't cope. I am permanently covered in ingrown hairs, rashes and boils. What's worse, boils on your privates or some hairs? I take hairs. Some friends have been shocked by this revelation but I am remaining firm. I may invest in some board short related swimwear, or I may not. I can't be bothered doing it any more. If my pubes offend you, feel free to turn away in disgust. Not bovvered.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">God almighty the formatting has gone absolutely doo-lally on this post so I think I might just quit while I'm ahead. </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">
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<br />
Sorry for my lack of communication. I can promise you (and look I just KNOW you have all been weeping and gnashing your teeth in grief when you check your blogreader and I haven't updated) that from now on, I am going to become a HARDCORE BLOGGER, and will be updating so much that you will want me to JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE YOU ALONE.<br />
<br />
The reason? Because I am FREEEEE! FREEEEEEEEEEEE! Developments in the greater Slapdash household have meant that I have chucked in my job at the place I have worked for almost 10 years, to concentrate on my teaching course, and to WRITE! No more commute! No more soul eating workplace of doom! In the next 18 months I am going to become a BOHEMIAN STUDENTY ACTIVIST WRITER TYPE and will be donning eccentric jackets made from blankets and wearing JAUNTY BERETS and STRAW HATS and HAREM PANTS and CHAINING MYSELF TO THINGS BY WAY OF POLITICAL STATEMENT practically 24/7.<br />
<br />
I can't even fully recognise the freedom I have. I mean, I still have to work a bit, and get my EARNEST MATURE AGED STUDENT on, but that's ok. I WANT TO! Therefore it is not hard. OH GOD THE NOVELTY!<br />
<br />
This is all down to a generous financial donation to my cause by my wonderful mother. I can't thank her enough. Our life has been changed forever! I don't even care that the weather is SO HUMID AND HOT that it is practically killing me, or that I have come down with conjunctivitis. EVERYTHING IS ROSY! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANY MORE!<br />
<br />
Anyway, the next 18 months is going to be the best. I have these goals;<br />
<br />
- STUDY like a mofo and KICK ARSE uni wise<br />
- DO EXERCISE like a mofo<br />
- MEAL PLAN like a mofo<br />
- KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN like a mofo<br />
- WRITE! WRITE LIKE I'VE NEVER WRITTEN BEFORE. LIKE A, WELL....PRACTICALLY LIKE A MOFO!<br />
- BE THE BEST MOST LOVING AND CARING AND EVERYTHING PARENT EVER <br />
<br />
As one of my colleagues said, eventually, you have to do what feeds your soul. Or your soul will start eating itself.<br />
<br />
2014 is the YEAR OF FEEDING THE SOUL!<br />
<br />
Do you feed your soul? Or does it feed on you? Do you work in a toxic environment? SHARE WITH ME MY FRIENDS!<br />
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I'm EXCITED!<br />
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SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-88505881011625951552014-02-24T21:36:00.002+10:002014-02-24T21:36:40.552+10:00My old man's a dustman.P has had a bit of mean girl action at kindy this year so she's been a bit sad. We've been trying our best to cheer her up, and she does seem to be feeling better now.<br />
<br />
Anyway, something that never fails to brighten her day is playing her that timeless classic, that essential component of the musical canon, that moving piece of the soundtrack to our lives - "My old man's a dustman", by wordsmith and humourist Lonnie Donegan.<br />
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If you are unfamiliar with this tune, I present it here for your enjoyment;<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Y7GeZ3YmONw" width="420"></iframe><br />
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If you can't be shagged pressing Play, I can let you know that the chorus of the song goes something like this;<br />
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"Ohhhhhh......my old man's a dustman;<br />
He wears a dustman's hat<br />
He wears cor blimey trousers<br />
And he lives in a council flat!"<br />
<br />
And so forth.<br />
<br />
Don't ask me why we have this in our iTunes collection, it's just yet another of the mysterious bonuses that comes from being married to my husband. His tastes are...eclectic.<br />
<br />
P enjoys it greatly and knows many of the words off by heart.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately she also knows some of the RATHER POLITICALLY INCORRECT jokes that run through it off by heart too.<br />
<br />
I am having palpitations that she is going to get up for kindy show and tell one day and come out with something like;<br />
<br />
"I SAY, I SAY, I SAY! How do you make a fruit cordial?"<br />
"I dunno, how DO you make a fruit cordial?"<br />
"Oooh, be NICE to me!"<br />
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BOOM TISH!<br />
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or<br />
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"I believe in clubs for women, but only when kindness fails!" OOH ERR!<br />
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Cold sweats, I tell you. <br />
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On the positive side, listening to this song precipitated an opportunity to discuss some of the ins and outs of SOCIAL DEMOCRACY with my 4 year old daughter, when she asked me, "Mummy, what is a council flat?"<br />
<br />
I bored on about SOCIAL HOUSING and GOVERNMENT SAFETY NETS and POOR PEOPLE and HELPING OUR FELLOW MAN until her eyes glazed over and she interrupted me to demand "Mummy...I want a BIKKIE!!" which was fair enough really.<br />
<br />
Is your old man a dustman? Does he live in a council flat? Do you believe in clubs for women, as well as clubs for men?<br />
<br />
I'm all ears, me old chinas.<br />
<br />
Hooroo.SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-253642566376858382014-02-19T17:07:00.003+10:002014-02-19T17:07:38.255+10:00Reasons I am not cool.Here is a list of reasons why I am uncool.<br />
<br />
<strong>1.</strong> I am almost 34 and I still listen to Triple J. I used to think this was actually cool, but now I realize it is lame. Mainly because I was talking to my Dad on the Australia Day holiday about how I liked all the songs in the top 10 of the Hottest 100, and then we had this conversation;<br />
<br />
<em>Me: Hey, so Dad, when you go into school tomorrow you can say to all the kids "So what did you think of the Hottest 100, hey?". You can say to them "I thought Daft Punk would be higher up!". They will think you are so cool!</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>Dad, witheringly: Yeah, and they will say "What!? Your 30 year old daughter listens to Triple J! Ugh! That is pathetic!"</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>Me: [Silence]</em><br />
<br />
It's forced me to take a good hard look at myself I can tell you.<br />
<br />
<strong>2.</strong> The other night when I met up with Glamorous Blogging Types Mother Down Under, Housewife in Heels, Faux Fuchsia and Styling You, they were all gussied up in their nice going out clothes. I was wearing my crumpled work outfit and day-old makeup. Also, while they weren't eating and instead sipped champagne delicately, I ordered a pizza and proceeded to eat THE WHOLE THING in front of them. At the time, I thought "What's wrong with that hey? I mean, I am HUNGRY!". It was only afterwards I thought perhaps I should have made a different decision. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I have brought shame to my family.<br />
<br />
<strong>3.</strong> I never have cash in my purse and always have to borrow money off my colleagues at work. Like, ALWAYS. I owe money all about town. SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!<br />
<br />
<strong>4.</strong> I'm a public servant.<br />
<br />
<strong>5. </strong>I'm also a librarian.<br />
<br />
<strong>6.</strong> I like the cut of Alan Kohler's jib. He's a man who can make finance SEX-AY!<br />
<br />
<strong>7.</strong> I like reading fantasy novels.<br />
<br />
<strong>8.</strong> I sometimes wear those flesh coloured little granny stocking sockette thingoes when I wear shoes like ballet flats, and they stick up out the sides and you can see them. NOT COOL MAN.<br />
<br />
<strong>9.</strong> I've never lived overseas. In fact I have only actually lived in Queensland.<br />
<br />
<strong>10.</strong> I never "Keep Calm and Carry On". In fact, I prefer to "Lose my Cool and Chuck a Nana".<br />
<br />
<strong>11.</strong> I wear flesh coloured, waist-high underpants.<br />
<br />
There you have it.<br />
<br />
Are you cool? Yes? No? Why? Give me your reasons, do.SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-79858315374639949362014-02-16T20:29:00.000+10:002014-02-16T20:29:22.043+10:00Birthday. Interior design. Rake.<div dir="ltr">
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I'm exhausted so am blogging from mobile phone whilst watching weird doco on Star Trek. ALso have to speed type because now Rake is on any minute and I love it hard. Please excusr any tuopos I mean typos. Also if you are on my Instagram you will have seen all this so feel free to go and do your nails or pack kids lunches or whatever.</div>
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Will write in succinct fashion to facilitate express communication of concepts.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baby B turned 2. Such a darling. Made him choccie cupcakes for playdate and kindy. Not success as B not a fan of icing. I KNOW. He refused to eat my lovingly prepared sugary delights and scoffed 3 pieces of my friend's plain and low sugar banana cake. GUTTED! I wonder where he came from sometimes.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sooo...because of his predilection for banana cakes, I made him one for his fambly arvo tea party. Shoved Smarties on and candles into cream cheese frosting. He scraped his icing off. Also didn't eat the Smarties. WTF HE IS A CHANGELING CHILD. The faeries surely swapped him at birth.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We drank champers and Pimms at the arvo tea party because that's what you do at kids parties right?? Well I do anyway. For the moment at least.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wore this dress at his party. Stinking hot day. Actually bought it in Melbourne the other weekend on equally stinking day. Is Quick Brown Fox. Shop was next to hotel. Convenient. Covers my lumps and bumps. Nice pattern. I likee.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Went for drinks with my blogging lady kindy person friends. Here is FF. Got to meet lovely Nikki from Styling You. Was starstruck. I talked a lot. Couldn't drink much because driving. As usual. Pfft.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wore this dress at some point. Is Sacha Drake. Was got from Op Shop for a few bob. SUCH A SCORE. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-n3ExIKWnV48/UwCM6i21CPI/AAAAAAAAFQk/TElB37ZZvGw/s640/20140210_143333.jpg" height="400" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="225" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Have also been styling my house up with weird op shopped things. See those paintings? Guess how much they cost me!? NO IT WASN'T A MILLION DOLLARS! I AM SERIOUS! IT WAS ONLY $2 per piece! I KNOW! One of the regulars at the op shop did them and gave them to the volunteers to sell, because her family didn't want them. M hates them with a passion. A passion I tell you. I like them.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Got this ice cream the other day because Maggie Beer's burnt figgy thingo one was too dear. But I regretted it. This was poo. Sorry but I tell it how it is, people.</td></tr>
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Other things of note include;</div>
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- <span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">The
swimming teacher felt the need to ask me if Benji went to kindy, because
sometimes when she asks him to do something, he says "no no!" and blows
a raspberry at her. She wondered where he would pick that habit up
from. Last time I checked you couldn't pick up "being 2 years old" from
kindy. Geez lady. Anyway I told her he got it from me because when my
husband asks me to do something I too shout "no no!" and blow
raspberries. I think she believed me.</span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">- I would like to keep up my crocheting lessons but it is not appealing in this heat. Ugh. Can't stand the idea of the wool all over me AGH. But one of the ladies at my favourite op shop brought me in some new crochet needles and some patterns and beginners stuff. THE LOVELY THING! I was so touched.</span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">- I am panicking that I don't feel prepared for the beginning of uni which is not this week but next. So panicked. Am working 4 days this week too. One hand - good cos money. Other hand - bad cos work and also panicking about uni things and I think this week is O week so I should try and go and gahhh. Need to spend quality time getting to know the online Blackboard thingie that they put all the INFORMATION on these days. Feel like dinosaur. Must. Get. On. Top. Of. Tech.</span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">- Am sick of summer and am praying for rain. Our garden is DEAD as a DODO except for all the blasted weeds which would obviously survive a nuclear winter. </span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Anyway have to go because RAKE!</span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">So what have you been doing? Do you watch Rake? I do! It's good! You should get on board with it!</span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Cheerio.</span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">SDM. </span> </div>
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Hi there party people. </div>
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I've been doing things and stuff - how about you?</div>
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Here are some of the things I have been doing and stuff.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Learning how to crochet like a boss. OK well not like a boss. Still check out those chain stitches or whatever. SO HIPSTER.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.ggpht.com/-2H6hVU--Hbc/Uu91hCViBqI/AAAAAAAAFN8/1xSL7t0S0gc/s640/20140203_170428.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-2H6hVU--Hbc/Uu91hCViBqI/AAAAAAAAFN8/1xSL7t0S0gc/s640/20140203_170428.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Been buying random old lady things and religious paraphenalia at op shops and festooning my house with them to annoy my husband. Like this.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.ggpht.com/-wiLoqH5eJ4g/Uu91q_rPiMI/AAAAAAAAFOk/KQ3HrvOsLFc/s640/20140203_170305.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-wiLoqH5eJ4g/Uu91q_rPiMI/AAAAAAAAFOk/KQ3HrvOsLFc/s640/20140203_170305.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And this.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.ggpht.com/-ZswYAgrVB38/Uu91s_fkD4I/AAAAAAAAFOs/j7aXN3tAgyY/s640/20140203_170343.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-ZswYAgrVB38/Uu91s_fkD4I/AAAAAAAAFOs/j7aXN3tAgyY/s640/20140203_170343.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And this hipster crochet rug.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Went to Melbourne with my Mum to see my brother. Because family. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.ggpht.com/-4WprdDhT9K0/Uu91mUeHAMI/AAAAAAAAFOM/YF5FCpQO22g/s640/20140201_185658.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-4WprdDhT9K0/Uu91mUeHAMI/AAAAAAAAFOM/YF5FCpQO22g/s640/20140201_185658.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">While in Melbourne remembered it was Chinese NY so ate Chinese food in Chinatown and had a Chinese dragon rub against my crotch. Festive!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also saw some impromptu fireworks. I'm guessing Melbourne is just that kind of town. People seemed fairly blaze' about them. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Saw some dude dressed as cookie monster playing the bagpipes. Oh Melbourne you beguiling centre for arts and culture.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wished I had eaten some of these cakes instead of just photographing them. Oh well.</td></tr>
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I've sort of realised I won't be able to keep doing this blog once I become a teacher. Or can I? Should I go underground and start a new anonymous one? Thoughts?</div>
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Anyway over Christmas I went to see Anchorman 2 with my Dad and brother. Then last week I went to see The Book Thief. Herein lies my reviews of the two movies, for your delectation.<br />
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WARNING: INCLUDES SPOILERS. ALSO MAY BE UNINTELLIGABLE. <br />
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<b>Anchorman 2</b><br />
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From the moment the movie began, with sweeping shots over the mountains and music reverberating through the hillside, I knew it was a winner. It's been a long time since I felt so emotional about a film, but Anchorman 2 moved me in ways I never thought possible. I laughed, I cried, I reprimanded the young man behind me for kicking my chair.<br />
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In the sequel to beloved epic drama "Anchorman", Will Ferrel reprises his role as romantic hero Ron Burgandy, along with his cohorts Steve Carrell, that blonde piece from Married with Children, and some other people too.<br />
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I was a bit worried that this movie wouldn't live up to expectations, what with the original Anchorman being my favourite movie an' all, but I was pleasantly surprised.<br />
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Who could fail to be moved to tears as Ron and his beloved Veronica struggle through marital woes? What cold hearted monster wouldn't be stirred by the tumultuous storyline, as Ron battles against the thing that he battles against and Veronica, you know, something something? When mentally challenged weather man Brick (Steve Carrel) fought valiantly against technology and lost his legs in the process, I wept with him, great tears of anger and sorrow.<br />
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This movie is surely a fable of our times. Not since "Gone with the Wind" has a movie so captured the spirit of an age.<br />
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My favourite moments included that part when the guys say "You made Brick cry!" and then Brick cries all emotional and spazzy-like on the couch and that, the part at the beginning when Ron says "I'm laughing like a ventriloquist dummy!", and of course the epic and historical battle of the news teams, which in my mind can be likened to such famous scenes as that bit in Ben Hur when the chariot race happens, and that part when Indiana Jones is totally running for his life from that big rolling ball thing.<br />
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I give it eleventy out of ten. And no, I don't care that it isn't a real score.<br />
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<b>The Book Thief</b><br />
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How good was this movie?! Talk about upbeat! I laughed til I cried.<br />
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It's the story of feisty young orphan Liesel, living in Nazi Germany (wasn't that regime a barrel of laughs!), who is adopted by a warm hearted couple after her younger brother dies on the train journey being made by her mother as she goes to give up her children. HYSTERICAL, RIGHT!? Liesel gets up to all sorts of crazy hijinks including, you guessed it, pinching books! She even nicks one from a burning pile of, um, well, books!<br />
<b> </b><br />
Liesel's adopted family spend the war hiding a young Jewish man (Max), and he and Liesel forge a close bond as he lives in the house's basement. That is, until circumstances force the young man to LEAVE FOREVER. CHEERY RIGHT!?<br />
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Even though her beloved Max leaves, Liesel begins to feel at home, and begins to love her new parents, and her new neighbourhood friend Rudy.<br />
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THAT IS UNTIL THE WHOLE LOT OF THEM ARE KILLED IN A BOMB BLAST NEAR THE END OF THE MOVIE! I KNOW! FUNNIEST THING EVER!<br />
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The movie ends with Liesel DYING! You heard me right!<br />
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If you are looking for a lighthearted romp through history, then look no further than this laugh-a-minute comedy. YOU WON'T REGRET IT!<br />
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I give it one million out of ten.<br />
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THE END<br />
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PS. In weird blogging news I seem to be being flooded with new Facebook likers, whom I suspect may be Spambots. LEAVE ME ALONE SPAMBOTS! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I HAVE NOTHING! NOTHING I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
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<br />SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5242075868158858552.post-26271841560137882152014-01-05T20:41:00.001+10:002014-01-05T20:41:11.909+10:00Bloguary. It's already a failure. Aircon Gypsies.Ugh I'm irritated because I missed yesterday in the great Bloguary blogging spree. I missed it because the totally cray weather had me hiding out once more at the inlaws in their aircon. This time with underpants. But sans any kind of technologically appropriate device to blog on.<br />
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Anyway, whatevs.<br />
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The temperature reached 43.5 degs Celsius in ye olde Western Suburbs of Brisbane. I think it is the hottest I have ever experienced. Just GAH.<br />
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We then, like veritable gypsies, moved on in the late afternoon to my sister-in-law's house. She was away and allowed us to stay and revel in her aircon. I turned that shit right down to 20C. Fuck that 24C crap, this was an EMERGENCY. I got quite cold at one point during the night. Don't judge me.<br />
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We also drank some of her wine and ate all her remaining rum balls. SHE WOULD HAVE WANTED US TO!<br />
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Today we packed the caravan, harnessed up the horses and traveled onwards to our next airconditioned host, our family friends the Ms. They also have a pool. They are lucky we didn't set up camp there.<br />
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Back home now in the ungodly heat. It is taking ALL MY STRENGTH not to wake up tomorrow and drive down to Masters and shout at the first person I see "SIGN ME UP FOR AN INTEREST FREE AIRCONDITIONING DEAL! I'LL PAY ANYTHING! I WILL GIVE YOU MY FIRST BORN CHILD!" but I know it might cause marital disharmony. You know, DEBT TRAPS and all that. Blah blah BORING SNORE.<br />
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I am thinking of starting a Crowdfunding project so people can club together and help me collaborate the hell out of the artistic concept that is AIRCONDITIONING THE SHIZZLE OUT OF MY HIZZLE!<br />
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Would you donate to this good cause? YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! <br />
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Also, how about that cricket, eh? And so forth. <br />
SlapdashMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058noreply@blogger.com17