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Monday, April 7, 2014

Developments

Well so much for more diligent blogging and writing. I haven't written a jolly thing except To Do lists and one essay since my last enthusiastic blog post.

Unemployed life is just so darn busy!

Here are some visuals...
Momma's watchin' her stories
Git yerself some grits child, Momma's busy
Momma's got a good feelin about this one kids!


Anyway, when I haven't been wasting time instagramming the shizz out of myself wearing a weird mullet (and LOOK I think that is a totally CREATIVE and LEGITIMATE artform so there), I've been wasting time at op shops. SEEING A THEME HERE PEOPLE? I start the blog post with pained complaints about having no time to blog/write, then i talk about all the weird crap I've bought at opshops. I think of opshopping as a totally legit creative artform too. My life is basically one long piece of performance art.

Here I am modelling an outfit sourced mainly from opshops. YOU TOO COULD GET THIS LOOK AND BE JUST AS LUMPEN AND AWKWARD LOOKING AS I! Oh yeah baby. I call this look "Matronly Boho".You saw it here first.


You can't tell in this photo but I am wearing BLACK UNDIES and the skirt is basically TOTALLY TRANSPARENT. I went to the shops and the library like this. I essentially don't even care any more. Check out my undies WHATEVER!

Also got these shoes. HOW GOOD ARE MY LEGS? SO GOOD!
Got these shoes too. My legs! I tell you! They are hot! Long hair don't care!
 
  

Got this hipster retro macrame plant holder at an op shop. What a find! God it was an exciting moment.
Got carried away with reading Apartment Therapy and embracing my macrame pot holder so I bought some more Hipster plants inluding this mother-in-law's tongue and pink pot. Don't know what's going on with my arm in this pic,something cray cray is happening.

Other things I have achieved recently include;

- finishing all the Breaking Bad episodes. I was satisfied with the end but wonder, will there ever be a Jesse spinoff? I for one would watch it.
-    taking up Lap Swimming. That is to say, I went once, last week.  Still, I was impressed with myself and instagrammed that moment too, for posterity. I hope to repeat it at some time in the next year. 
This brings me to another related development- I have committed to NEVER EVER shaving or waxing my bikini line again. My skin just can't cope. I am permanently covered in ingrown hairs, rashes and boils. What's worse, boils on your privates or some hairs? I take hairs. Some friends have been shocked by this revelation but I am remaining firm. I may invest in some board short related swimwear, or I may not. I can't be bothered doing it any more. If my pubes offend you, feel free to turn away in disgust. Not bovvered.     God almighty the formatting has gone absolutely doo-lally on this post so I think I might just quit while I'm ahead.                                           






 
      





20 comments:

  1. You are HILARIOUS!!! Yeah since you mentioned it first - you said you were going to blog like a mofo... Those macrame plant holders can wait. PS I need that mullet.

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    1. I can't think of anything to blog about! I feel as dull as dishwater...the mullet is a priceless heirloom and I will never part with it...never! Well, maybe for the right price...

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  2. Have you heard the theory that The Walking Dead follows on from Breaking Bad?
    http://www.hitfix.com/comedy/amc-has-secretly-been-warning-us-breaking-bad-is-the-walking-dead-prequel
    As for the swimming / hair thingy I tend to buy boyleg swimmers and then I don't have to worry about hairyness, Sure it doesn't hide the hairy legs and pits but bad luck if someone has a problem with that I'm too busy trying not to drown to care.

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    1. Yes boy leg might be ok except they dig into my fleshy thighs and create UNSIGHTLY BULGES. Oy. OMG I have to read that link stat - maybe I need to get into Walking Dead???

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  3. You simply MUST link this up on Monday for the Laugh Link - I've just snorted my drink and now coughing. You are hilarious, and hairy, so it seems. Didn't see the swimming pic, naughty me :( Great finds at op shops. More mullet pics please! xx

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    Replies
    1. Ha! I don't think I am hilarious, just sort of MUNDANE! I love your linkup idea...will try and join in next week xx

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  4. Oh dear lord women you have gone stark raving bonkers. Loopy hell just when I don't think you could get any funnier. Most hilarious post to date. You should quit all of the above and become a hairy stand up comedian.

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    1. It's very hipster to be hairy..well,for blokes anyway! Maybe I can channel all this into a new career as you say? Interesting...

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  5. Hilarious!
    I am seriously lol-ing right now. #lololololololololol
    I am going to re-read this right now so I can chuckle some more.

    Please don't ever go back to work!
    I love this version of you!

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  6. You're one funny lady and I like you lol
    Can totally relate to the bloody bikini line, which totally makes sense to wear boardies, which I did this year in the lake, because I would be slung up and transported back to the ocean if I did attempt to wear a bikini. Straya day boardies too! I should have worn the wig!
    Love a good op shop scrounge xx

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    Replies
    1. The bikini line issue is beyond a joke. I am no longer going to be a slave to it. FREE AT LAST GOD ALMIGHTY I'M FREE AT LAST!

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  7. Matronly Boho is totally a thing!! (I presume.)

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  8. You go for it slapdashmama ... A million European weight lifting champions from Bulgaria can't be wrong. As for the Op Shops. They are an untapped goldmine of blogging stories.

    Very funny post

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  9. Ok so this is probably the funniest blog post I have ever read... go the hairy legs... who needs to spend all that money on waxing anyway??? hehehe

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  10. A ginger mullet is alluring. But not as much as a ginger mullet poised over a reputable gambling website. Irresistible.

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  11. I needed a laugh, so read this again, it's even funnier the second time around! You rock, you're funny and you're awesome for linking, thanks hun :)

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  12. Lumpen and Awkward sound like a legal firm. LOL Thanks for linking up to Laugh Link!

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Vent your spleen! You know you want to.