Operatunity. Carmen for Dummies.

Can I just say thanks to everyone for reading the ole blog?  Who would have thought it eh?  I hit 2500 views on the weekend.  How excitement.  I love everyone's comments and if you are reading, I'd be chuffed it you would comment or follow the blog or join the Facebook page.  You'll immediately be more attractive to whichever sex you prefer.  And everything you touch will turn to gold*. 

Anyway, because I like to go on about the weather, I thought I'd start this post by droning on about meteorological developments in the precipitation department.  That is to say, I am extremely relieved that it has finally rained!  Even though I am aware that some members of my family had the misfortune to miss out on seeing the cricket.  You win some, you lose some.  

Our pseudo-rainforest corner is somewhat less dry and brown and ghastly now.

A happy agapanthus.

It was a busy weekend but for me the highlight was being invited to go to the opera on Saturday - I AM SO HIGH BROW!  Excuse me while I just  dust off my opera glasses and fur stole and frock up OPERA STYLE!  My Auntie M rolls with a crew in her hood called University of the Third Age.  Basically a bunch of hip and happening retirees who like to go crazy Broadway style every now and then.  Auntie M and her posse hired a coach and booked en masse and ended up with free tickets to see Opera QLD's production of Carmen.  And Auntie M threw one my way.  I am not one to look a very generous gift horse in the mouth so naturally I snaffled it up.  Lucky me!  Auntie M if you are reading, thank you so much for thinking of me.

I'd only ever been to the opera once before, M and I went to see The Marriage of Figaro at the Opera House in Sydney yonks ago.  It was fantastic.

See how I've blurred out my face? Just working my mad photo shop skillz.

Me inside the Opera House.  This photo was taken ILLEGALLY. We just don't care, man.  We are free spirits.  Don't bring us down with your uptight rules. And so forth.

Anyway, this time round I wore this getup.  I don't have a proper full length mirror so this will have to do, photo-wise.

These shoes look a bit Homy Ped-esque in this photo.  They are the el cheapo ones I got at the op shop.

I done my nails all proper like in pink polish.  If you look closely you can see the splodges where I got it all over my skin.  Also, in case you were wondering, the writing on my hand says "Call Centrelink".  The glamour never ends round this joint.

Accessories de jour.  In case you were losing sleep over what I stuck in my lobes and around my neck.

So I met up with Auntie M and Cousin S and the rest of the U3A homeboys and girls.  I sat next to a lovely and youthful looking lady who told me she was a great-grandmother. She also told me that she meets up with some ladies every Friday and plays mahjong over a wine or two. I fitted in nicely with these peeps, what with my proclivity for gardening, reading Georgette Heyer novels and watching New Tricks of a Friday night and frankly I like the sound of a bit of cheeky mahjong too.  Maybe Auntie M can put a good word in for me and they can overlook the whole age thing and hook me up with some more sweet U3A action.

As I mentioned the opera was Carmen.  Raunchy.  Lots of saucy bare leg action and smooshing bosoms into the faces of male admirers.  Those crazy Spaniards with their tapas and their bullfighting and their crimes of passion.  For those of you who don't know the story here is a rundown:

ACT 1
Our hero , the soldier Don Jose, loves the sweet and innocent Micaela.  She loves him.  All good until renowned gypsy strumpet and girl about town Carmen spots him and sets her cap at him.  (Girlfriend has issues.)  She gets arrested for slashing the face of a fellow strumpet.  While alone with Don Jose she comes over all bosomy and leggy and mesmerises him with a flip of her chestnut locks and a bit of dry humping so he frees her.  Naturally. He goes to prison.

ACT 2
Gets released after a month.  Finds Gypsy Carmen hanging with her gypsy smuggler cronies in a tavern.  She comes over all bosomy and leggy and barefooty again.  But he won't desert the army.  She gets huffy.  He gets cross.  He punches out his superior officer who also wants to shag Carmen.  Not a good career move so he heads off with the gypsies on their mountainous smuggling mission anyway.

ACT 3
Carmen gets sick of him and tells him to rack off.  He gets clingy and has to be given a good talking to by her gypsy bodyguards. A hot bullfighter who also wants to shag Carmen and who I forgot to mention before turns up again.  Don Jose gives the bullfighter what for and he leaves.  Soppy Micaela turns up. Carmen hates her guts.  Don Jose hears his sainted mama is about to kick the bucket so he leaves with Micaela.

ACT 4
Carmen and the bullfighter hook up.  They arrive together in a showy offy parade for his next bullfight.  Don Jose turns up looking creepy and stalkery.  He gets her alone outside the bullfight.  (Brother has issues.)  He pleads and whines and clutches at her skirts.  She tells him to eff off.  He can't take no for an answer and gives her a damn good stabbing and she dies.

The End.

Anyway, I think Bizet would agree that if you can't see the opera for yourselves then reading that synopsis is the next best thing.  That is my gift to you dear readers.

Until next time...



*DISCLAIMER - May not actually result in increased sexual attractiveness or midas touch.