Sunday, January 19, 2014

Movie reviews; Anchorman 2 and The Book Thief. SPOILER ALERT!

I've been getting to the flicks a bit more recently for some reason. I mean, I spent the last 5 years living in a haze of sleep deprivation and borderline insanity, so I suppose it stands to reason that now that I'm coming out the other side I'm re-engaging with POPULAR CULTURE.

Anyway over Christmas I went to see Anchorman 2 with my Dad and brother.  Then last week I went to see The Book Thief. Herein lies my reviews of the two movies, for your delectation.


Anchorman 2

From the moment the movie began, with sweeping shots over the mountains and music reverberating through the hillside, I knew it was a winner.  It's been a long time since I felt so emotional about a film, but Anchorman 2 moved me in ways I never thought possible. I laughed, I cried, I reprimanded the young man behind me for kicking my chair.

In the sequel to beloved epic drama "Anchorman", Will Ferrel reprises his role as romantic hero Ron Burgandy, along with his cohorts Steve Carrell, that blonde piece from Married with Children, and some other people too.

I was a bit worried that this movie wouldn't live up to expectations, what with the original Anchorman being my favourite movie an' all, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Who could fail to be moved to tears as Ron and his beloved Veronica struggle through marital woes? What cold hearted monster wouldn't be stirred by the tumultuous storyline, as Ron battles against the thing that he battles against and Veronica, you know, something something? When mentally challenged weather man Brick (Steve Carrel) fought valiantly against technology and lost his legs in the process, I wept with him, great tears of anger and sorrow.

This movie is surely a fable of our times. Not since "Gone with the Wind" has a movie so captured the spirit of an age.

My favourite moments included that part when the guys say "You made Brick cry!" and then Brick cries all emotional and spazzy-like on the couch and that, the part at the beginning when Ron says "I'm laughing like a ventriloquist dummy!", and of course the epic and historical battle of the news teams, which in my mind can be likened to such famous scenes as that bit in Ben Hur when the chariot race happens, and that part when Indiana Jones is totally running for his life from that big rolling ball thing.

I give it eleventy out of ten. And no, I don't care that it isn't a real score.

The Book Thief

How good was this movie?! Talk about upbeat! I laughed til I cried.

It's the story of feisty young orphan Liesel, living in Nazi Germany (wasn't that regime a barrel of laughs!), who is adopted by a warm hearted couple after her younger brother dies on the train journey being made by her mother as she goes to give up her children. HYSTERICAL, RIGHT!? Liesel gets up to all sorts of crazy hijinks including, you guessed it, pinching books! She even nicks one from a burning pile of, um, well, books!

Liesel's adopted family spend the war hiding a young Jewish man (Max), and he and Liesel forge a close bond as he lives in the house's basement. That is, until circumstances force the young man to LEAVE FOREVER. CHEERY RIGHT!?

Even though her beloved Max leaves, Liesel begins to feel at home, and begins to love her new parents, and her new neighbourhood friend Rudy.


The movie ends with Liesel DYING! You heard me right!

If you are looking for a lighthearted romp through history, then look no further than this laugh-a-minute comedy. YOU WON'T REGRET IT!

I give it one million out of ten.


PS. In weird blogging news I seem to be being flooded with new Facebook likers, whom I suspect may be Spambots. LEAVE ME ALONE SPAMBOTS! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I HAVE NOTHING! NOTHING I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Bloguary. It's already a failure. Aircon Gypsies.

Ugh I'm irritated because I missed yesterday in the great Bloguary blogging spree. I missed it because the totally cray weather had me hiding out once more at the inlaws in their aircon. This time with underpants. But sans any kind of technologically appropriate device to blog on.

Anyway, whatevs.

The temperature reached 43.5 degs Celsius in ye olde Western Suburbs of Brisbane. I think it is the hottest I have ever experienced. Just GAH.

We then, like veritable gypsies, moved on in the late afternoon to my sister-in-law's house. She was away and allowed us to stay and revel in her aircon.  I turned that shit right down to 20C. Fuck that 24C crap, this was an EMERGENCY.  I got quite cold at one point during the night. Don't judge me.

We also drank some of her wine and ate all her remaining rum balls. SHE WOULD HAVE WANTED US TO!

Today we packed the caravan, harnessed up the horses and traveled onwards to our next airconditioned host, our family friends the Ms. They also have a pool. They are lucky we didn't set up camp there.

Back home now in the ungodly heat. It is taking ALL MY STRENGTH not to wake up tomorrow and drive down to Masters and shout at the first person I see "SIGN ME UP FOR AN INTEREST FREE AIRCONDITIONING DEAL! I'LL PAY ANYTHING! I WILL GIVE YOU MY FIRST BORN CHILD!" but I know it might cause marital disharmony. You know, DEBT TRAPS and all that. Blah blah BORING SNORE.

I am thinking of starting a Crowdfunding project so people can club together and help me collaborate the hell out of the artistic concept that is AIRCONDITIONING THE SHIZZLE OUT OF MY HIZZLE!

Would you donate to this good cause? YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!

Also, how about that cricket, eh? And so forth.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Bloguary. Hot in the city.

So I'm thinking of blogging every day in January. It's really hard because I find it difficult to fit anything else in around my unfortunate addiction to Breaking Bad. In fact, I've already missed a day. In fact I missed the first day of January.

Anyway, if I had actually started it properly I was totally going to call it "Bloguary" and it was going to become a social media phenomenon with a logo and shit.

Anyone want to join in? Can you make me a logo?

Anyway, it's absolutely fucking ridiculous weather at the moment. Tomorrow is probably going to be the hottest day round these parts IN ALL OF TIME.  Thank God we have a progressive federal government who are embracing climate change mitigation like there's no tomorrow. OH HANG ON NO WE DON'T.

We escaped to my inlaws who have aircon and a pool. I wore my togs there and after I had a swim I realised that I hadn't brought any undies to change into. This would have raised the awkward choice between wearing my short cotton dress with no knickers (undesirable), or asking my 70+ year old mother-in-law to borrow a pair of hers (not my first preference), had I not noticed that I had conveniently stashed a pair of harem pants in the swimming bag at an earlier juncture. Thank God. Wearing them undie free was by far the better option.

Saved by the harem pants. Is there nothing they can't do?

Stay cool hombres.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Have more sex. Be more fun.

Happy New Year readers! What sort of crazy hijinks did you lot get up to? I turned down numerous invitations to attend a variety of VIP loft apartment parties. I became exhausted from all the energy I expended declining politely.  I mean, I hate to DISAPPOINT people even if they are all incredibly rich and glamorous and swathed in diamonds.  I already had plans, you see. We had our friends the Ls round for pizzas and sparklers and were all in bed by 10pm.  You have to get in early to book us out for New Year (TAKE NOTE FOR NEXT YEAR, GLAMOROUS ACQUAINTANCES).

As far as New Year’s Resolutions go, I’ve come to the realization that they are all a crock.  Talk about pressure! Who needs it? Consequently I have only jotted down a couple of modest goals, not wanting to get carried away with ridiculous expectations!
Here they are! Just low key, you understand.

1.       Exercise regularly

2.       Lose weight

3.       Learn how to crochet

4.       Blog regularly

5.       Get straight HDs at uni

6.       Keep the house immaculate

7.       Write more

8.       Practice sewing regularly

9.       Write and publish some articles

10.   Start a novel

11.   Save money

12.   Find a different job

13.   Write more

14.   Have more sex

15.   Be more fun

16.   Grow my hair a bit

17.   Keep on top of my bikini line

18.   Stop picking my cuticles

19.   Eat more vegetables

20.   Read more books

21.   Entertain more

22.   Cook better meals

23.   Meal plan

24.   Deal with paperwork ASAP

25.   Stop using Facebook all the time

26.   Stop looking at all the time like a crazy person

27.   Stop buying so many clothes

28.   Be more patient

29.   Be nicer to my husband

30.   Stop whinging

31.   Declutter regularly

32.   Start practicing the piano again

33.   Take more photographs

34.   Stop shouting

35.   Keep a food diary

36.   Read more blogs

37.   Comment on more blogs

38.   Toilet train Baby B

39.   Count my blessings

40.   Bake regular healthy snacks for family

41.   Print photos and put in albums/frames

42.   Eat smaller portions

43.   Stop procrastinating

44. Write more

See, just a couple of eminently achievable goals! NO PRESSURE AT ALL! Easy as! If I can't achieve EVERY SINGLE ONE of these meagre resolutions then I'll be a monkey's uncle!

Christmas was pleasant even if I didn't do a few of the things I wanted to. I didn't;

- catch up with a group of old school friends like I originally planned
- go to Woodford for a day because 'spensive
- do any exercise

I did, however;

- eat my body weight in chocolate almonds
- eat my body weight in trifle
- eat my body weight in cold collations

So all was not lost.

Here's some pictures. Our camera has finally bitten the dust so the pictures will dry up from here on in. I know, tragic.

A homegrown nativity scene.

Christmas morning tableau, with mozzie bites and bandaids

Small person with large rashie and bucket hat carries umbrella on patio.

I like to call this one "Still life with tea and bitten thumbnail".

Christmas morning. Compulsory tricky plastic packaging.

Ubiquitous fancy marmalade gift for M. He is a man who likes his condiments.


Small boy engaging in small boy-esque close up inspection of new "Pig Fuck" aka big truck.

Faux Sylvanian Family Member.

Prawn shells. And feelers and googly eye things and poo tubes. *shudder*

Anyway hope all is well and that you have been sensible with the resolutions like me. It doesn't do to put too much standing on one silly day of the year, right?


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