Monday, February 24, 2014

My old man's a dustman.

P has had a bit of mean girl action at kindy this year so she's been a bit sad. We've been trying our best to cheer her up, and she does seem to be feeling better now.

Anyway, something that never fails to brighten her day is playing her that timeless classic, that essential component of the musical canon, that moving piece of the soundtrack to our lives - "My old man's a dustman", by wordsmith and humourist Lonnie Donegan.

If you are unfamiliar with this tune, I present it here for your enjoyment;

If you can't be shagged pressing Play, I can let you know that the chorus of the song goes something like this;

" old man's a dustman;
He wears a dustman's hat
He wears cor blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat!"

And so forth.

Don't ask me why we have this in our iTunes collection, it's just yet another of the mysterious bonuses that comes from being married to my husband.  His tastes are...eclectic.

P enjoys it greatly and knows many of the words off by heart.

Unfortunately she also knows some of the RATHER POLITICALLY INCORRECT jokes that run through it off by heart too.

I am having palpitations that she is going to get up for kindy show and tell one day and come out with something like;

 "I SAY, I SAY, I SAY! How do you make a fruit cordial?"
"I dunno, how DO you make a fruit cordial?"
"Oooh, be NICE to me!"



"I believe in clubs for women, but only when kindness fails!" OOH ERR!

Cold sweats, I tell you.

On the positive side, listening to this song precipitated an opportunity to discuss some of the ins and outs of SOCIAL DEMOCRACY with my 4 year old daughter, when she asked me, "Mummy, what is a council flat?"

I bored on about SOCIAL HOUSING and GOVERNMENT SAFETY NETS and POOR PEOPLE and HELPING OUR FELLOW MAN until her eyes glazed over and she interrupted me to demand "Mummy...I want a BIKKIE!!" which was fair enough really.

Is your old man a dustman? Does he live in a council flat? Do you believe in clubs for women, as well as clubs for men?

I'm all ears, me old chinas.


Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Reasons I am not cool.

Here is a list of reasons why I am uncool.

1.  I am almost 34 and I still listen to Triple J. I used to think this was actually cool, but now I realize it is  lame. Mainly because I was talking to my Dad on the Australia Day holiday about how I liked all the songs in the top 10 of the Hottest 100, and then we had this conversation;

Me: Hey, so Dad, when you go into school tomorrow you can say to all the kids "So what did you think of the Hottest 100, hey?". You can say to them "I thought Daft Punk would be higher up!". They will think you are so cool!

Dad, witheringly: Yeah, and they will say "What!? Your 30 year old daughter listens to Triple J! Ugh! That is pathetic!"

Me: [Silence]

It's forced me to take a good hard look at myself I can tell you.

2.  The other night when I met up with Glamorous Blogging Types Mother Down Under, Housewife in Heels, Faux Fuchsia and Styling You, they were all gussied up in their nice going out clothes. I was wearing my crumpled work outfit and day-old makeup.  Also, while they weren't eating and instead sipped champagne delicately, I ordered a pizza and proceeded to eat THE WHOLE THING in front of them.  At the time, I thought "What's wrong with that hey? I mean, I am HUNGRY!". It was only afterwards I thought perhaps I should have made a different decision. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I have brought shame to my family.

3.  I never have cash in my purse and always have to borrow money off my colleagues at work. Like, ALWAYS. I owe money all about town. SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!

4.  I'm a public servant.

5. I'm also a librarian.

6.  I like the cut of Alan Kohler's jib. He's a man who can make finance SEX-AY!

7.  I like reading fantasy novels.

8.  I sometimes wear those flesh coloured little granny stocking sockette thingoes when I wear shoes like ballet flats, and they stick up out the sides and you can see them. NOT COOL MAN.

9.  I've never lived overseas. In fact I have only actually lived in Queensland.

10.  I never "Keep Calm and Carry On". In fact, I prefer to "Lose my Cool and Chuck a Nana".

11.  I wear flesh coloured, waist-high underpants.

There you have it.

Are you cool? Yes? No? Why? Give me your reasons, do.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Birthday. Interior design. Rake.

Hi there special friends. 

I'm exhausted so am blogging from mobile phone whilst watching weird doco on Star Trek. ALso have to speed type because now Rake is on any minute and I love it hard. Please excusr any tuopos I mean typos. Also if you are on my Instagram you will have seen all this so feel free to go and do your nails or pack kids lunches or whatever.

Will write in succinct fashion to facilitate express communication of concepts.

Baby B turned 2. Such a darling. Made him choccie cupcakes for playdate and kindy. Not success as B not a fan of icing. I KNOW. He refused to eat my lovingly prepared sugary delights and scoffed 3 pieces of my friend's plain and low sugar banana cake. GUTTED! I wonder where he came from sometimes.
Sooo...because of his predilection for banana cakes, I made him one for his fambly arvo tea party. Shoved Smarties on and candles into cream cheese frosting. He scraped his icing off. Also didn't eat the Smarties. WTF HE IS A CHANGELING CHILD. The faeries surely swapped him at birth.
We drank champers and Pimms at the arvo tea party because that's what you do at kids parties right?? Well I do anyway. For the moment at least.
Wore this dress at his party. Stinking hot day. Actually bought it in Melbourne the other weekend on equally stinking day. Is Quick Brown Fox. Shop was next to hotel. Convenient. Covers my lumps and bumps. Nice pattern. I likee.

Went for drinks with my blogging lady kindy person friends. Here is FF. Got to meet lovely Nikki from Styling You. Was starstruck. I talked a lot. Couldn't drink much because driving. As usual. Pfft.

Wore this dress at some point. Is Sacha Drake. Was got from Op Shop for a few bob. SUCH A SCORE.
Have also been styling my house up with weird op shopped things. See those paintings? Guess how much they cost me!? NO IT WASN'T A MILLION DOLLARS! I AM SERIOUS! IT WAS ONLY $2 per piece! I KNOW! One of the regulars at the op shop did them and gave them to the volunteers to sell, because her family didn't want them. M hates them with a passion.  A passion I tell you. I like them.
Got this ice cream the other day because Maggie Beer's burnt figgy thingo one was too dear. But I regretted it. This was poo. Sorry but I tell it how it is, people.

 Other things of note include;

- The swimming teacher felt the need to ask me if Benji went to kindy, because sometimes when she asks him to do something, he says "no no!" and blows a raspberry at her. She wondered where he would pick that habit up from. Last time I checked you couldn't pick up "being 2 years old" from kindy. Geez lady. Anyway I told her he got it from me because when my husband asks me to do something I too shout "no no!" and blow raspberries. I think she believed me.

- I would like to keep up my crocheting lessons but it is not appealing in this heat. Ugh. Can't stand the idea of the wool all over me AGH. But one of the ladies at my favourite op shop brought me in some new crochet needles and some patterns and beginners stuff. THE LOVELY THING! I was so touched.

-  I am panicking that I don't feel prepared for the beginning of uni which is not this week but next. So panicked. Am working 4 days this week too. One hand - good cos money. Other hand - bad cos work and also panicking about uni things and I think this week is O week so I should try and go and gahhh. Need to spend quality time getting to know the online Blackboard thingie that they put all the INFORMATION on these days. Feel like dinosaur. Must. Get. On. Top. Of. Tech.

-  Am sick of summer and am praying for rain. Our garden is DEAD as a DODO except for all the blasted weeds which would obviously survive a nuclear winter. 

Anyway have to go because RAKE!

So what have you been doing? Do you watch Rake? I do! It's good! You should get on board with it!



Monday, February 3, 2014

Crochet. Op shopping. Melbourne.

 Hi there party people. 

I've been doing things and stuff - how about you?

Here are some of the things I have been doing and stuff.

Learning how to crochet like a boss. OK well not like a boss. Still check out those chain stitches or whatever. SO HIPSTER.
Been buying random old lady things and religious paraphenalia at op shops and festooning my house with them to annoy my husband. Like this.

And this.
And this hipster crochet rug.
Went to Melbourne with my Mum to see my brother. Because family.
While in Melbourne remembered it was Chinese NY so ate Chinese food in Chinatown and had a Chinese dragon rub against my crotch. Festive!
Also saw some impromptu fireworks. I'm guessing Melbourne is just that kind of town. People seemed fairly blaze' about them.
Saw some dude dressed as cookie monster playing the bagpipes. Oh Melbourne you beguiling centre for arts and culture.
Wished I had eaten some of these cakes instead of just photographing them. Oh well.
I've sort of realised I won't be able to keep doing this blog once I become a teacher. Or can I? Should I go underground and start a new anonymous one? Thoughts?
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