Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Sick Kid and Motherlovin' Mindfulness.

Hello my pretties. Hope you are all well.

We have been hardcore in the trenches over here with one uber sick child. P has been as sick as a bloody dog. We have had vomiting, we have had wet beds, we have had terrible tummy pain, we have had a trip to Emergency, we have had trips to the doctors, days home from work, endless washing of sheets and doonas and spot cleaning of vomity carpet.

Upshot is, says the GP, that P has an inflamed stomach lining from a vomity virus. AKA gastritis.

The poor little mite.  I am supposed to keep her meals to a very basic minimum....broth, water, gastrolyte icy poles. 

She is so starving, this morning she was weeping and saying "Mummy, but all the food will MISS me!".

Very empathetic is my girl, just like her mother really. I often feel sorry for food too. I am constantly ensuring it doesn't get lonely by inviting it to the party in my stomach.

Anyway needless to say in my current state of excessive mentalness I have been taking this as calmly as a Buddhist monk. Buddhist monks spend most of their time crying and rocking in the corner right?

In the midst of the high drama I am supposed to be getting my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on and embracing motherlovin' mindfulness and being as grateful for small blessings as...well, as I don't know what.

I think one of the things I need to work on is my ability to ask for help, as exhibited by this conversation I had with Mum on Thursday night.

"Hi Mum,"
"Hello darling how's things?"
"Um....ok." (Meaning: Everything is shit and I am worrying myself sick)
"What's wrong?"
"Um. Well we've been up at the hospital with P. I'm home with B now but she's still there with M."
"Oh no! That's awful. Do you want me to come down there do you think?"
"No, no. No we are fine. Definitely." (Meaning: Yes. I am losing it. Please come down)
"Are you sure?"
"Yes you have to go to work, it's fine we will be ok." (Yes please come down.)
"Are you sure? I only have one class I am sure they can cover it."
"No we are ok." (I am not ok please come down and help me).
"I think I will come down."
"Well if you think so. Only if you want to". (Thank God. I am dying from worry and crying and rocking in the corner).

It's not easy being my parents.  Mum did come down and thank fucking fuck she did because LOSING IT WITH WORRY AND VOMITY SHEETS.

On the topic of rocking in the corner, I've been to see this new psychologist and she's ok I suppose but I don't know if she is The One. She says things like "Now what do you want to get out of counseling?". And I'm all, Shit, I don't know lady, to stop feeling like a mental? What am I supposed to say?

On Saturday she was flustered and running late and she said, "OK, what do you already know about CBT?"
I answered, dutifully rattling off the usual ,"Oh, well you know, challenging your thoughts and expectations, being objective... .blah blah blah...", to which she added;
"Well it sounds like you already know a lot about it that's great!".

This was then followed by an awkward silence as she looked at me expectantly. I shifted uncomfortably on my seat.

"Um...." I said, "Well, I've been reading about mindfulness. Like, maybe we could do some of that? You know, like that thing where you concentrate on what you eat instead of shoveling it in mindlessly?"
"Good idea!" she exclaimed. "I was just going to say that too! I've got some WORKSHEETS on that somewhere here."

Ugh. Anyway I'll give her a go.

Something I have been thinking I should do is channel Pollyanna and, as suggested by my wonderful colleague R, write down some shit that goes well or that is lovely and enjoyable every day.  My very own freaking Glad Game.

So here's today's shit that makes me happy.

The "I am so Freaking Glad I Am Practically Exploding From It" Game

1.  I broke my self-imposed shopping ban and bought two pairs of colourful fat pants and a floral blazer. I've obviously been watching Paper Giants because I am dead set channeling Nene King at the mo. Anyway embracing a couple of pairs of cheap fat pants has actually made me feel thinner. Nothing like squeezing yourself into your ill fitting pants to make you want to eat everything that isn't nailed down. So compassionate. Poor lonely food.

2.  My beautiful happy baby boy. He is just a delight at the moment. Every single thing he does is adorable and squee worthy. I want to squeeze him. He has been cheering us all up in our time of need. Even sad little P.

I don't know why this photo is sideways. I tried to fix it but I couldn't. Apparently you can't be a blogger unless you can take good photos. I am rocking the boat yet again with my crazy freestyle imagery.

3.  My wonderful mum and dad. Mum just took over and did all of the things the whole weekend long while M and I paced and worried.  Dad is here today providing companionship, which he does like a boss.

4.  Sympathetic work colleagues. I feel utterly shitful at work. I am always away, sick or with sick kids. I am always late because KIDS and COMMUTE and because I am only there 2 days a week I feel like I never do anything useful. Sometimes I think I am on freaking thin ice but what do you do.

5.  Our new washing machine. The entire time we have had kids we have been existing with the worst most hopeless washing machine ever. Only a few weeks ago we paid CASH for a new top loader, which frankly wasn't a moment too soon because it has changed my LIFE. And coping this fortnight with the old one would have meant institutionalization for me I AM SURE!

6.  Our garden. It is looking bootiful and is cheering.

Some crazy voodoo shit is happening with the photos in this post. WTF. Anyway this is meant to be a picture of one of our almost blooming sunflowers. You will have to look at it side on.

7. My husband. M never hesitates to get up to sick kids at night, never shirks from taking sick leave to look after them, washes clothes, puts suppositories in small bottoms, makes porridge, calms me down. Honestly I don't know what I would do without him. Things aren't always smooth sailing round this joint marriage wise but he has been doing a pretty freaking good job at being almost perfect recently. I know, sickening isn't it?

So there you have it. I am so Pollyanna that I am MAKING MYSELF NAUSEOUS!

What are you just so effing glad about you have to SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS? Tell your old friend. Distract me from my rollercoaster ride of worry/relief/worry/relief/worry/relief. PLEASE DISTRACT ME.


  1. I'll distract you my pretty. We are having the SAME FREAKING DAY!!!!Sans vomit, obviously. I am even trying to write the grateful/positive thing on a whiteboard every day. Do you know what I came up with for today? 'I have straight hair'. I had to be coached into turning it into the positive "I love my straight hair". Ugh. I don't think I do. However.
    Something to TRULY distract you - someone I know read your blog and thinks you're JUST like a grownup Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird! Now THERE'S something fabulous to chew on (that will keep all that lonely food company while it is partying to Daft Punk in your tum).

    1. I used to have straight hair! Since babies it has developed a hormonal kink. Which is not as hawt as it sounds.
      Do they think I am like Scout because I am a youthful hot head aka tantrum thrower, or because I am a champion of the underdog? Don't answer that. Tell them thank you.

  2. I'm so sorry that poor little P still isn't well. Both Bearhands and my folks are great in a jam - although, they're more likely to keep their distance if it's a vomity jam. :)

    1. Vomity jam sounds ghastly! Thanks A. Yes poor little mite she has lost lots of weight. Pretty horrible.

  3. Oh poor you! Gah - I remember those days and usually my husband was away on a work trip - just to make it even more wonderful! Vomity sheets, vomity clothes, very little sleep, add a good mix of worry and yep - not good. SO glad your mum and dad came to help out. Thank god for our parents! Funny how we say we are fine when inside we're screaming PLEASE COME AND HELP ME!! Hope your little one is well again soon. As for what I'm effing glad about to distract you ... um ... I'm effing glad I knuckled down and made good inroads with my Module 3 assignment today. I have been procrastinating for weeks and weeks because it is a yucky one! Hopefully I am well on my way to completing it! Bit boring but I'm effing glad about it! Min xo

  4. My 7 year old came home singing - Everyday I am shuffling - but no, it was everyday I am shovelling - check it out on You Tube - the song has been turned into a teachers aid for the class room when kids are learning about fossils . Impressed.

    1. Love it. I've seen that clip Claire! Too funny.

  5. I am SO freaking glad that the huge tyre that rolled down the garden yesterday only knocked me sideways but didn't actually roll right over me and squash me flat (although it DID flatten the flowerbed) ....

    Know what? I think I need to do my own Pollyanna post really (purely as an alturistic distraction for you ;) x

  6. Hate to say it (not really but normal people say that before they say something rude, don't they?) but your shrink sounds like an idiot. My David just used to bark orders at me and boss me around, which was exactly what I needed at the time :) But, hey, maybe she'll improve.

    Am glad they found out what was wrong with your wee one hope she is on the mend very soon. Poor little chook. I get very distressed when the kids get sick. My mum wouldn't have been much help in the housework department because a) she's been dead 8 years and b) she was a fucking terrible housekeeper even when alive, but I am very glad your mum was there to help you all.

    Big hugs.

    1. Yes she is an idiot. I am going to break up with her before it gets messy x

  7. I have been dreaming about washing machines that how badly I need one! I am doing dbt with my current psychologist and it's really helping much more than CBT did.

  8. I am so glad that I listened to your fashion advice and bought myself some jeggings. Those fat pants and the whole Nene King thing sounds like the next thing too. Love the sunflower.

    Hope you and little P are feeling a lot better, very soon. Hugs and cakie things. xo

    1. The fat pants are just jeggings a size up from my "usual" size. The relief!

  9. Just sending healing vibes, that's all. X

  10. I am in the midst of some not fun family stuff and all my usual Canberra supports are either out of the country, distracted by their own stuff or involved in the not fun stuff.
    But I am grateful for retail therapy (even if it on the credit card), walks in the beautiful Canberra winyer days, paid carers leave from work, good heating, cats, blogs, YouTube true crime docs. Love Caitlin xxx

    1. Retail therapy cannot be understimated. I had denied myself it's pleasures too long x

  11. I love Pollyanna...when I was little I used to imagine falling out of a tree and having the whole village come out to make me feel glad again.
    Please don't go falling out of any trees to feel glad again.

    I am sorry that you have been having such a rough time.
    Having sick kids is just harrowing.
    And I am so sorry if my Facebook comment was taken in the wrong way...I didn't mean AT ALL that you weren't doing all that you could do!

    In the spirit of being grateful, I am grateful for Lindt truffle balls...there is a dark chocolate milk chocolate party happening in my stomach right now.

  12. Can I start by saying what a marvellous job you are doing just keeping yourself together? Let me tell you I've had much less disastrous and worrying moments send me to the bathroom for a good cry.

    Give the therapist a stern look and let her know you can stay home and tell people every single thing they need to do - you don't need to go out for it! My boys have pretty much lost all their squishiness so I may have to come over to your place and borrow little B because he does look quite squish-a-licious at the moment. And I'm in awe of that freaky looking plant you've managed to grow - I only have to look at a plant to kill it!

  13. Well you looked FABULOUS at our blogger meetup last week!

    So sorry to hear about your girl - hope she is feeling better soon. My girl’s been sick and needing lots of mamma love too this week even though she’s 16! xxx

  14. You know we're all thinking about you... Things will look up as soon as you're totally vom-free.
    There's something to be said for mothers and mothers-in-law who help out in times of crisis.
    Kisses to ya XX

  15. I can't do vom it's my parenting kryptonite.
    I hope things are on the upswing and your poor lovely little one is getting better. You're so lucky to have a mum like yours.
    I have an almost clean house for once so that is my happy!

  16. you are the second parent to let me know suppositories might be in my mothering future. FUCK.

  17. My 2 year old little brother was the recipient of a suppository because he refused to take medication orally. His response when inserted: "I don't neeeeed that there!"

    And if you still need distracting... I'm nominating you for a Leibster blogging award to send you a little share of the love http://lilybettandboy.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/leibster-award-giving-and-receiving.html


Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

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