Sick Kid and Motherlovin' Mindfulness.

Hello my pretties. Hope you are all well.

We have been hardcore in the trenches over here with one uber sick child. P has been as sick as a bloody dog. We have had vomiting, we have had wet beds, we have had terrible tummy pain, we have had a trip to Emergency, we have had trips to the doctors, days home from work, endless washing of sheets and doonas and spot cleaning of vomity carpet.

Upshot is, says the GP, that P has an inflamed stomach lining from a vomity virus. AKA gastritis.

The poor little mite.  I am supposed to keep her meals to a very basic minimum....broth, water, gastrolyte icy poles. 

She is so starving, this morning she was weeping and saying "Mummy, but all the food will MISS me!".

Very empathetic is my girl, just like her mother really. I often feel sorry for food too. I am constantly ensuring it doesn't get lonely by inviting it to the party in my stomach.

Anyway needless to say in my current state of excessive mentalness I have been taking this as calmly as a Buddhist monk. Buddhist monks spend most of their time crying and rocking in the corner right?

In the midst of the high drama I am supposed to be getting my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on and embracing motherlovin' mindfulness and being as grateful for small blessings as...well, as I don't know what.

I think one of the things I need to work on is my ability to ask for help, as exhibited by this conversation I had with Mum on Thursday night.

"Hi Mum,"
"Hello darling how's things?"
"Um....ok." (Meaning: Everything is shit and I am worrying myself sick)
"What's wrong?"
"Um. Well we've been up at the hospital with P. I'm home with B now but she's still there with M."
"Oh no! That's awful. Do you want me to come down there do you think?"
"No, no. No we are fine. Definitely." (Meaning: Yes. I am losing it. Please come down)
"Are you sure?"
"Yes you have to go to work, it's fine we will be ok." (Yes please come down.)
"Are you sure? I only have one class I am sure they can cover it."
"No we are ok." (I am not ok please come down and help me).
"I think I will come down."
"Well if you think so. Only if you want to". (Thank God. I am dying from worry and crying and rocking in the corner).

It's not easy being my parents.  Mum did come down and thank fucking fuck she did because LOSING IT WITH WORRY AND VOMITY SHEETS.

On the topic of rocking in the corner, I've been to see this new psychologist and she's ok I suppose but I don't know if she is The One. She says things like "Now what do you want to get out of counseling?". And I'm all, Shit, I don't know lady, to stop feeling like a mental? What am I supposed to say?

On Saturday she was flustered and running late and she said, "OK, what do you already know about CBT?"
I answered, dutifully rattling off the usual ,"Oh, well you know, challenging your thoughts and expectations, being objective... .blah blah blah...", to which she added;
"Well it sounds like you already know a lot about it that's great!".

This was then followed by an awkward silence as she looked at me expectantly. I shifted uncomfortably on my seat.

"Um...." I said, "Well, I've been reading about mindfulness. Like, maybe we could do some of that? You know, like that thing where you concentrate on what you eat instead of shoveling it in mindlessly?"
"Good idea!" she exclaimed. "I was just going to say that too! I've got some WORKSHEETS on that somewhere here."

Ugh. Anyway I'll give her a go.

Something I have been thinking I should do is channel Pollyanna and, as suggested by my wonderful colleague R, write down some shit that goes well or that is lovely and enjoyable every day.  My very own freaking Glad Game.

So here's today's shit that makes me happy.

The "I am so Freaking Glad I Am Practically Exploding From It" Game

1.  I broke my self-imposed shopping ban and bought two pairs of colourful fat pants and a floral blazer. I've obviously been watching Paper Giants because I am dead set channeling Nene King at the mo. Anyway embracing a couple of pairs of cheap fat pants has actually made me feel thinner. Nothing like squeezing yourself into your ill fitting pants to make you want to eat everything that isn't nailed down. So compassionate. Poor lonely food.

2.  My beautiful happy baby boy. He is just a delight at the moment. Every single thing he does is adorable and squee worthy. I want to squeeze him. He has been cheering us all up in our time of need. Even sad little P.

I don't know why this photo is sideways. I tried to fix it but I couldn't. Apparently you can't be a blogger unless you can take good photos. I am rocking the boat yet again with my crazy freestyle imagery.

3.  My wonderful mum and dad. Mum just took over and did all of the things the whole weekend long while M and I paced and worried.  Dad is here today providing companionship, which he does like a boss.

4.  Sympathetic work colleagues. I feel utterly shitful at work. I am always away, sick or with sick kids. I am always late because KIDS and COMMUTE and because I am only there 2 days a week I feel like I never do anything useful. Sometimes I think I am on freaking thin ice but what do you do.

5.  Our new washing machine. The entire time we have had kids we have been existing with the worst most hopeless washing machine ever. Only a few weeks ago we paid CASH for a new top loader, which frankly wasn't a moment too soon because it has changed my LIFE. And coping this fortnight with the old one would have meant institutionalization for me I AM SURE!

6.  Our garden. It is looking bootiful and is cheering.

Some crazy voodoo shit is happening with the photos in this post. WTF. Anyway this is meant to be a picture of one of our almost blooming sunflowers. You will have to look at it side on.

7. My husband. M never hesitates to get up to sick kids at night, never shirks from taking sick leave to look after them, washes clothes, puts suppositories in small bottoms, makes porridge, calms me down. Honestly I don't know what I would do without him. Things aren't always smooth sailing round this joint marriage wise but he has been doing a pretty freaking good job at being almost perfect recently. I know, sickening isn't it?

So there you have it. I am so Pollyanna that I am MAKING MYSELF NAUSEOUS!

What are you just so effing glad about you have to SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS? Tell your old friend. Distract me from my rollercoaster ride of worry/relief/worry/relief/worry/relief. PLEASE DISTRACT ME.