Where the actual is winter? And other complaints. LANGUAGE WARNING FOR DELICATE TYPES!

So life round these parts is generally pretty beautiful at the moment.  If our life was a meme it would look like this…

I have, however, had what can only be described as a BAD DAY today.  You can’t rest on your laurels, people. Bad days are hiding round corners in even the rosiest of rosy households!

Firstly, where the actual is winter? I mean come on.  On so many levels this weather is disconcerting to me. Disconcerting to the MAX.  I have broken out my jeans on NUMEROUS occasions, only to be confronted with scorching temperatures requiring the SHAVING OF LEGS and WEARING OF SUMMER DRESSES again.  I have put the DOONAS on the beds. DOONAS, PEOPLE!!! I have been schvitzing like a schmendrick. This endless summer is NO LAUGHING MATTER.  And furthermore, what about the polar caps, polar bears, and all things polar? I bet the water levels are rising at a rate visible to the naked eye now. I blame that schmuck Tony Abbott and all his ghastly cronies. DAMN YOU TONY YOU EVIL MISOGYNIST CLIMATE CHANGE DENIER. DAMN YOU TO HECK.

Secondly, my hair.  Let’s deal with that, shall we?  So I’ve made a sort of OUT OF LEFT FIELD and WACKY commitment to no longer using shampoo on my hair.  I know, crazy, right? The thing is, and bear with me here friends, I was getting millions of sores and scabs on my scalp. I HOPE YOU AREN’T EATING WHILE YOU READ THIS! And then I was picking them.  I KNOW! SO DISGUSTING! I am basically the grossest.  Anyway, as an attempt to remedy this ewky problem, I decided to; a) stop washing my hair so much, because I figured washing it too much was making it produce too much oil and then I was getting nasty pimply spots, and so forth, and b) when I DID wash it, I was to embrace the dictums of what is known colloquially as the “No ‘poo” movement, and use only bicarb soda and apple cider vinegar. Definitely no poo! I KNOW IT SOUNDS WACK! Maybe it is.  Anyway I am trying to get to the point where I only wash my hair once a week.  At the moment I can only make it about 3 days without wanting to shave it all off and sell it a la Cosette in Les Mis.  Or was it her teeth she sold? Actually I think it was Fantine not Cosette? Whatever, it’s gross. It’s greasy and itchy. What the fuck. Why I am I even putting myself through this horrendous ordeal?  It is a LIVING HELL PEOPLE.  

Thirdly, PARENTING. I am not PARENTING in a CONSCIOUS way at the moment. I am parenting in a fucking exhausted and half arsed manner whilst allowing the children to watch too much TV and checking the fadizzle out of my phone every two seconds just in case something DRAMATIC has occurred in those 2 seconds that I might not have known about. FUCKING SMART PHONES. FUCK THEM. I am really addicted to the fucking phone and it is affecting my LIFE MAN. My parenting, my motivation, my self esteem, GODDAMN EVERYTHING. What to do? I LOVE IT I HATE IT I LOVE IT I HATE IT.  Anyway, parenting is KICKING MY ARSE in other ways too. I am hardcore trying to live in the now and enjoy the moment with my beautiful 4.5 year old darling girl before I lose her to school next year, BUT OMFG IT IS HARD MAN. HARD HARD HARD at the moment.  Her relentlessnessness is EXHAUSTIPATING. She plays NEVER ENDING “Let’s pretend” games and forces me to join in. Forces me I tell you. I am a pawn in her Game of Thrones. She is like that creepy little boy king, whatsisname, and I am basically Ned Stark. With no head.  *sobs weakly*

Also, these things too;

•    My neverending cough that keeps me awake til the wee small hours
•   The federal budget – OMFG what can I even say about that
• Children being held in detention centres still. Fuck.
• My weight, my lack of exercise and my comfort eating.

As I said, it’s been a rough day.  Still, I have these awesome things to get me through;

• Not working at my old toxic workplace any more. Thank FUCK.
• Ben and Holly – best show on telly – “I’m an egg, I’m an egg!”
• Our beautiful garden. Delightful, I tell you!
• Op shopping. It’s like a drug.
• Getting fake nails with shellac. WHY HAVE I NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE OMG IT IS THE GREATEST
•   Discovering liquid eyeliner. SEE ABOVE POINT RE: shellac! OM to the mother-lovin G!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Now that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.  Out with anger, in with love.

How are you all traveling? I care, I do. I really really do!