Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Let age be no barrier.

Hello everyone. Life is very busy round these parts, and on top of that I've been doing a lot of unproductive deep thinking about life, love and the universe. And age. Actually, let's face it, I've mostly been obsessing about my age.

I feel really old at the moment. I've realised it has no small part to do with the fact that I am now working part time at a university library again (the same one that my husband works at no less, which is amusing in its own way).  I don't know if you know, but apparently it is possible to now be old enough to be a university student and to also have BEEN BORN IN 1997! WHAT THE !?  The first time I clapped eyes on a PYT's student card and saw her birthday I was momentarily lost for words.  I am ACTUALLY old enough to be her mother.  WAAAAAAAHHHHH! The last time I was employed at a uni library I was the same age as the kids studying there. Hell, I WAS one of the kids studying there! I was partying like it was 1999 (AND IT ACTUALLY WAS!) and working my way through some of the cute shelving staff. DON'T READ THIS MOM!  How things have changed. I'm reeling from the shock frankly.  In the last few months I've gone from working at an ARCHAIC and BUREAURATIC institution where I was still considered YOUNG and CRAZY HIP and OUT THERE, to a cosmopolitan educational institution where I am quite obviously OVER THE HILL.

These days I am;
a) carrying an extra 15kgs
b) embracing the FARSHON concept MATRONLY BOHO which frankly I just don't think the KIDS catch the vision of
c) married
d) a mother
e) battle hardened
f) newly attracted to LIQUID EYELINER
g) prone to making DAD JOKES when the kids come to the desk which CONFUSES and sometimes ENRAGES them

I KNOW! I can't really believe it either.

Here I am preparing to FREAK OUT THE KIDS at work, in a TYPICAL matronly boho ensemble, inspired by Stevie Nicks, Kate Bush and Kath and Kim. If I can't answer a question they ask me, I just whoosh my batwing sleeves around and jangle my bracelets at them until they go away.
Still, I imagine it's not bad practice for when I get out onto the front line in a school and am twenty times everyone's age and still trying to impress them by throwing YOUTH LINGO around and making awkward references to YOUTH CULTURE AND MUSIC and shouting things like "YOLO!" at them like it ain't no thang.

I already have the sense that this will be embarrassing for the teens to whom I inflict this on, and yet it still holds great attraction for me.  I can't wait to get my hands on a class full of spotty teens and start rapping sections of Macbeth or beat boxing underneath someone's monologue. THEY WILL LOVE IT!

And it's kind of fun being an objective observer in amongst the kids of today, because you get to watch their awkward attempts at flirtation with each other, the YOUTH FARSHON, and also I have easy access to lots of DVDs to borrow out. Winning!

One of the whippersnapper shelving staff (they are all students) casually revealed he was 21, and my jaw hit the floor. 

Whippersnapper: It totally sucks I don't get paid as much because of my age
Me: What do you mean? 
Whippersnapper: I'm only 21 you know
Me: [Shocked silence]
Whippersnapper: Yeah, and we are all going to be saddled with huge uni debts when everyone like you got their education for free
Me: Now steady on! I'm not THAT bloody old, mate!

We also had another awkward conversation about his studies.
Me: So, what are you studying?
Whippersnapper: International relations and law.
Me: Oh wow that is so cool! I studied international relations!

[Awkward silence as whippersnapper processes this information and struggles to conceal the disappointment in his face]

Me: Yeah, haha! I used to think I might work for AusAid one day. And now look at me! HAHAHAHA!

[Student fails to conceal the complex mixture of emotions he is feeling - fear that his future will mean he ends up back on the loans desk where he started, pity for me and my disappointing career, fear again, then embarrassment, then back to fear]
That's right, kids, I am the GHOST OF FUTURE YOU, ready to CRUSH YOUR DREAMS WITH A DOSE OF REALITY AND LOTS OF STORIES ABOUT MY SMALL CHILDREN AND THEIR AMUSING PENCHANTS FOR POO AND BUM JOKES!! Mwahahaha.

As well as obsessing about my age I have also been worrying myself SICK about my weight which has ONCE AGAIN notched up another few kgs. AARGH.

So I went and joined a gym.  I walked in with my LOUD floral leggins on, my 4.5 year old girl and B in a pram.  I got a small tour from a MUSCLED TYPE who I assume is what is known colloquially as a PERSONAL TRAINER.  He showed me that they had exercise bikes, cross trainers, weights, free weights and some other weird shit. I mean, was I meant to be impressed? It was a gym, right? I felt like perhaps I was missing something.
Here's me in my fancy leggings. They totally aren't ready for this jelly.
Me: Um, ok. Good-oh
Muscled Type: Yeah, and the {something something machine} does this, and that's really good blah blah
Me: [eyes glazing over} Mmmmhmmm
Muscled Type: So, how do you usually work out?
Me: I don't. 
Muscled Type: You don't what?
Me: I don't work out.
Muscled Type: [Shocked silence]


Me:  I do YOGA though.
Muscled Type: [Snorts] Oh RIGHT, YOGA!
Me: Ugh, it's GOOD for you!
Muscled Type: [Rolls eyes] Yeah, yeah, I know

Anyway, such was the level of my desperation to STRIP MYSELF OF FLAB that I signed up anyway.  Let's see how that goes.   


In other interesting news, I have gained inspiration from PINTEREST and repurposed our change table as a TEA AND COFFEE STATION, thereby reclaiming some bench space and simultaneously looking HIP and CRAFTY. What's not to like??

Aforementioned former change table. No more babies for us, just all the tea and coffee we can drink! 

How are you guys going? Joined a gym recently? Obsessed with your former youth? Repurposed the shizz out of anything interesting?

Mwah.

14 comments:

  1. I wonder if you'll ever get the opportunity to teach someone, and then end up teaching their child?

    Such new ways of feeling old to look forward ;)

    Meanwhile, when the coffee isn't enough, maybe you could try repurposing again as a cocktail making station.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah, totally! Pinterest is bursting at the seams with repurposed change tables made into drinks trolleys!

      Delete
  2. In 1999 I was a mother of three (one was 15!!!) ... Feeling any younger yet ;-) - Love the repurposed changing station you could also jazz it up with some bunting or something. Good luck with the gym, mine had a great Costa concession, can't really remember much else about it ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh God I haven't even been once yet!!!

      Delete
  3. I need to jump on the healthy bandwagon and get my rear in shape. Frankly I can't muster up the energy. Gotta love those whippersnappers, had one trying to get a cold sale at the front door today. Stubborn little mite he was! Loving the repurposed changing table by the way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are stubborn, these Young people!!!!!

      Delete
  4. God I have missed you! Battle hardened is one of my all time favourite phrases.

    Can't wait to see you Sunday pm. I already know what I am ordering. One of my fave whippersnapper chats from my friend M:

    M: I'm going to see the Dandy Warhol exhibition on Saturday
    Whippersnapper :(eye roll) M, it's the Dandy Warhols not Andy Warhol!

    Jesus Wept.

    xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaa!
      Can't wait to catch up am planning my outfit already xxx

      Delete
  5. You think your'e old ..wait till you're my age trying to find work ..though the small company I work for is moving in the direction of helping the over 50s find work ..if its any consolation that is a growth area .

    I'm on the board of a service the provides accommodation for homeless young people ..we have just been defunded in the great NSW purge of services..v depressing

    If that guy at the gym was employed by me ..well, he wouldn't be any longer

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are hilarious... I might be in need of your services in the near future!!!

      Delete
  6. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I hate it when people who are 10 years younger and 100x hawter than me complain about being old. Meanwhile we both rock floral tights.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to emphasize that I am NOT HAWT! The best that could be said about me is that I make the most of what I've got.

      Delete
  7. I walked through my Uni grounds on the weekend as they now hold an awesome farmers markets... I felt old pushing my 14 month old around in his pram whilst 25 weeks pregnant with number two. Then I came home and boxed up all the clothes that I'm no longer going to wear (as I don't plan on wearing any super tight/super short Bec & Bridge dresses out clubbing anytime soon) for sale or for the op shop.

    Though just before I finished playing netball (due to aforementioned pregnancy) a girl (and she really was a young girl around 17) asked me what school I went to... So apparently I look young enough to look like I go to school.

    Shari from www.goodfoodweek.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should be very grateful Sheri that you aren't being mistaken for a 52 year old man like me!!

      Delete

Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...