International Women's Day for shizz, how much Twitter scares the living daylights out of me, Helen Razer, Destroy the Joint, rude keywords that land people on my blog, how the cracks in my heels make me feel like the mother in Muriel's wedding and other equally highbrow stuff but I am too freaking sick. As far as the search terms go though, let's just say that basically if I hadn't done that post on breast feeding I don't reckon anyone would be reading this blog at all. Thank you perverts of the world! Every "boobs out" "big boobs out" "mama boobs" "lady preaching with her tiddies out" search you do that lands you on my blog is another notch on my belt!
So I am as sick as a proverbial dog. I'm writing this on my phone from my sick bed so it'll probably look wacked but that's ok because it will be an accurate representation of my mindset at the moment anyway.
I've got the most foul congested chest. And of course I'd chosen today to redeem that facial voucher M got me for Valentines Day at the salon.
It was less than ideal. I lay on the table wheezing and bubbling like Darth Vader. I always feel a bit claustrophobic with gunk being rubbed all over my face anyway but today doubly so. I seriously felt like I was drowning in my own mucus. The beautician was polite but I could tell she was grossed out. At one point she said I sounded like an emphysema patient but without the croaky voice and nicotine stained fingernails.
What a bloody waste.
Skin looks good though. For a change. Note to self; drink more water. Might help with the whole "mostly getting about looking like a dried apricot with adult acne " issue.
Also I'm sad because P had her first ever sleepover at my mum's place without either of us there and I missed her and did a bit of mental catastrophising about what could go wrong and was so glad when she returned. But now she seems to have decided that she doesn't like me much, and has ignored me and smirked when I tried to ask for a cuddle. There was a LOT of smirking. What is she, 14??? She kept it up all afternoon. Consequently, what with my consumptive constitution and this attitude from little miss, I might have had a little weep on my bed.
I think my mother sees it as karma.
I have no idea how I will take the attitude of the teenage years.
Hold me....
Ummm so have a bottle of <$15 Sav (NZ) and you'll be sweet as baz!
ReplyDeleteHa! I would if I knew I didn't have to get up to the sick baby in the wee small hours. Urghhh...
DeleteI hear you. My 2 year old has perfected 'dumb insolence'. I love her but of she can ignore me so eloquently with silence now - I am screwed.
ReplyDeleteIt's upsetting to say the least. She seems to love me again this morning. I need to harden up...
DeleteKirsty Allsops fat arse and fudge packers are a couple of key words that take you to my blog ....
ReplyDeleteI have a real teenager - she looks at me with complete distain most of the time.
Feel better soon!
Who is Kirsty Allsop? Must Google...but then would I land on your blog? An interesting conundrum...thanks for your well wishes and good luck with your teenager. I'm such a sook, I need to harden up.
DeleteShe does a programme called 'homemade homes' or something amongst other things - I only mentioned her once with reference to my being EXACTLY like her (minus her abilities and fat arse of course) and got loads of hits - although not as many as I did when I got hogtied mixed up with hamstrung ...
DeleteI hsve a 21 year old who looks at me with disdain , well that's the polite term.
ReplyDeleteNow you young lady lots of fluids, rest and try propping,sp? yourself up in bed you may breath easier. oh and a hot toddy may not go astray either
I just googled- "lady preaching with her tiddies out"- you'll be happy to know you come up second in the search! Too funny! I didn't dare click on the first search that was generated- but I think it actually was about a preacher who preached with her 'tidies out'! I hope you feel better soon x
ReplyDeleteGood lord the mind boggles H!!! I'm pleases I come up trumps on that one hehe. I'm feeling a bit better now thanks x
Deletesmr I slept with like 25 million pillows propping me up last night, took some cough syrup, snorted saline solution, and steamed myself til I was red in the face. And happily it seemed to help! I slept much better. I'm sorry your 21 year old sneers at you. just wait til they have kids then they'll be all over you like a rash, just ask my mother xx
ReplyDeleteGood to have that many pillows,glad to hear you're on the mend..I know the wait till they have kids argument.. it's true though.
DeleteI must admit he doesn't sneer as much as he used to .
She looks so bloody cute! I always told my sister to ignore her offspring deliberately and they'd come running.Always worked. Still does. But you need to be tough. I think having young kids and being unwell must be Hell.
ReplyDeleteHellish indeed...I need to toughen up I am as soft as butter...
Deletexxx
You obviously caught a Man Cold from a man, to be so tragically ill. Man Cold's are life threatening naturally, so milk it and rest up!!
ReplyDeleteRest! As if! No, actually M took a day off last week to look after the kids so I could lie in bed. Which I did a bit of. Not the same as pre kid days I have to say x
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