Thursday, May 16, 2013

On being a bad sport - Part 2

Hello loyal readers and contributers to The Lounge! Today we are all over at Robo Mum's blog, sharing our experiences of  Hissy Fits. Tanties! Spitting the dummy! Pitching a fit!

EDITED TO ADD: Also linking up with Grace for Flog Your Blog Friday :-))




Well, once again we have hit on a topic that is close to my heart. *sigh*

I know it is hard to believe, new readers, but I am one of the great dummy spitters of all time. My loyal regulars might remember the series I started recently on my epic unsportsmanlike behaviour. You can read the first post again here! And who wouldn't want to read about it, hey?! In that piece, I dissect one of the more public meltdowns of my primary school years.

Today, for your delectation, I present to you a history of sibling directed spack attacks.

Part 2 - On Brothers and Sibling Rivalry and Losing Your Shit

My brother C and I have always had a RAMBUNCTIOUS sibling relationship. Ah, halcyon days. We used to chase each other round and round the house until one caught the other.  That unlucky soul would then have their face mashed into the Sega Master System (or in later years, the Nintendo) whilst being simultaneously beaten about the head with the handset.  The Mater would come over all vapoury and have to lie down in her room while we wrestled and screamed on the floor. Don't blame her I guess.


Here we are in happier times. Brother C is ROCKING a Ren and Stimpy shirt and flanno. 

Once, in a fit of girlish pique, I threw a steel paint removal brush at him - high spirited scamp that I was! He was left with a blood pricked imprint on his back. Mater and Pater were not impressed that day, and I was sent to my room to think about wot I dun.

Another amusing anecdote that the parentals and miscellaneous extended family like to bring out at Family Occasions is this one time, when the whole family (cousins and all) were playing cricket on the school oval in the summer holidays. I had locked myself in the car, tantruming about something, and was being summarily ignored by everyone as they Got On With The Game. Ignored, that is, until I unlocked the car, came streaking (not naked don't worry) onto the pitch, shrieking with rage. I ran past the fielders, making a beeline for my unfortunate brother. I proceeded to kick him solidly in the shins, whilst the Much Older Cousins looked on, bemused, and then ran shrieking hysterically back to the car, locking the doors behind me.

OH SUCH FUN!

I should add in my defence here that my reputation as quite the SPITFIRE could probably be seen as a reaction to my mother's family, in which anyone who heats up beyond a sort of "What ho chaps I'm a bit annoyed at you. Better keep utterly silent about it!", or a "I say old thing I thought we were having proper custard not store bought. I might just roll my eyes and tsk about it for a bit!"  is classed as TOTALLY PSYCHOTIC.

But I digress.

Ah, but Brother C and I could press each other's buttons like nobody else.  As a teenager I took particular pleasure in preying upon him whilst he was lying sloth-like and vulnerable on the couch, watching Blackadder on TV. I would sidle up til I was almost standing on top of him, and then break into vigorous go-go dancing, so that the television was obstructed. This inevitably ended in the same result - he would punch me, shouting "Why don't you FUCK OFF AND DIE!".

The HILARITY! Good times, good times.

This sibling enmity lasted well into our adulthood, and it is with GREAT fondness I recall one particular incident, during a rather bleak period in my life in my early 20s where I had temporarily moved back home, jobless, licking my wounds after yet another relationship disaster. Brother C was lying prostrate on the couch, as he does, while I sat gloomily near him, probably weeping quietly to myself and moaning softly.

Brother C, roused by my gentle sobs, looked at me with disgust and said something like "God you just need to GET A JOB and stop being so awful and go out and find some friends you pathetic loser!". Or so it sounded to my sensitive ears.

His words only served to increase my misery. I glared at him, slumped as he was on the couch, lumpen and immobile, and it was then, reader, that my old companion the Red Fog descended.

I leapt from my seat, shrieking like a banshee, and launched at him as he lay inert on the lounge. I ran with arms flailing, screaming in rage. I set upon him with my fists, shrieking "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!" as he tried to cover his face with his hands. I grabbed at the closest arm, and bent down, teeth bared, howling and wailing, and tried to bite a chunk out of him.

Unfortunately, over the years, Brother C has somewhat overtaken me, height and strength wise.

See? He is a LOT bigger than me. I'm wearing heels in this pic. Also am pregnant and therefore, despite appearances, not drunk. SO CLASSY. Invite me to weddings at your peril!  His bemused smirk belies the fact that he is undoubtedly still thinking "WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF AND DIE!"

As I leant over with my bared fangs, he quickly placed his other hand on my forehead, and pushed me away. He held me there at arm's length while I shrieked and flailed uselessly in his general direction, until the Mater appeared from her room to see what all this jolly fuss was about, what ho!


An artist's rendition. And by artist, I mean, me. So perhaps it is more accurate to say an "artist's" rendition. Note please the hand on the forehead and the flailing arms. Note it I say!

I think I ran sobbing from the room and threw myself on my bed.  You know, in a LADY-LIKE WAY! And no doubt he didn't move from his position on the couch and continued on with his television viewing.

Anyway, such has been the tenor of our complex sibling relationship over the years. Me, flailing and go-go dancing and shrieking and crying; He, lying on the couch.

Long may it last, bro.

Do you have any siblings? Ever tried to bite them? Are you a mental? ME TOO!

I'm off to punch some walls in. Have a good day peeps.

37 comments:

  1. Noted, I say! You freak!
    Says the girl lying sloth-like on the couch, wishing she was watching Blackadder...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I could go a dose of Blckadder right now. Right, Darling? Mehhhh!

      Delete
  2. Sibling rivalry! My brother's special name for one of my sisters is "Spack Attack" becuse of her long history of chucking tanties. He still calls her this and they are well into their forties.
    Oh the memories!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't be at all surprised if my brother had a similar name for me. Slapdash Spack Attack Mama. Good times!

      Delete
  3. I have a sibling but he's 11 years younger than me so he was an annoying 6yo when I left home. Now we get on just peachy...as long as my parents aren't in shouting distance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. C and I are only two years apart - peak sibling rivalry spacing I am led to believe. Also, we are chalk and cheese. Both like the same funny tv shows though. We bond about them :-)

      Delete
  4. Oh, sibling rivalry. My sister and I used to fight HARDCORE over who got to sit in the front seat of the car on the way to school. Dad drew up a set of rules that we would take turns and alternate weeks and blah blah blah. But there were always accusations of cheating and I remember sitting in the back kicking the seat as hard as I could and pulling her hair because SHE GOT TO SIT IN THE FRONT AND IT WAS MY TURN.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Look I can totally understand. I mean, it IS the front seat right? Prime position! I would have kicked the shit out of her too. LOL

      Delete
  5. I took a much most passive aggressive approach to keeping my younger sister in line.
    For example, when I had a friend over and were were going to walk to the local corner store to spend our pocket money on candy and my mother made me take my sister, I forced my sister to walk ten meters behind us and made her wait outside the store until we had finished inside.
    I don't think any long term damage was done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I think your sister should be grateful you tolerated her THAT close to you! I mean, she is your SISTER, right?

      Delete
  6. All my brother had to was look at me and I had started whining "Muuum, Mark's LOOKING at me!!" I mean, the NERVE he had to glance in my direction.

    I think you would certainly liven up a dull wedding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, how dare they even EXIST right? P is only 3.5 and B is 1 and I can ALREADY see it happening! He irritates the HECK out of her!

      Delete
  7. You're right, no one can push buttons like sibling.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm not a biter OR a go-go dancer. Oh no when it comes to sibling barneys I am a CHUCKER! I have throwm a cup of tea at my sister for non-specific bitchy remarks. It was luke warm and it totally missed her but it made me feel better. I've used other things as projectiles as well. And please note this was not during childhood - we were in our mid twenties! Disgraceful ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank God I am not the only one to lose my shit at my sibling in my 20s. I was starting to regret having revealed my crazy to the world. I SUPPOSE IT'S A BIT LATE FOR THAT RIGHT???

      Delete
  9. You are a mental case. Says she admiringly.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh yes! Not one of my siblings has escaped the Wrath of Sulky. Even now, I can still make them tremble. I nearly threw my sister under a train in Budapest she enraged me so much. I think when you leave them with a few well-placed scars it helps them remember not to cross the line. Ha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would have been a murder UNDER the Orient Express, right Sulky? Right? Get it? BOOM TISH! xxx

      Delete
  11. No I was more the antagonistic little sister of the kind that picked up the phone and made kissy noises when my brother was talking to girls, he was the one that tricked me into letting go of the monkey bars when I was hanging upside-down and into claustrophobic places that he'd then lock me in I was a bit gullible my nickname of spacey really says it all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He sounds perfectly dreadful Lila! LIKE ALL BROTHERS! The devils.

      Delete
  12. I remember my brother threw a coffee mug at my head. Smashed it. Same brother smashed a glass cup on the floor and made our younger brother walk on the glass. Evil child.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Evil!!!! See mum I am totally normal!!

      Delete
  13. My sibling relationships have definitely provided some of life's better tantrum throwing moments. My siblings and I are in the exact same configuration as my own kids - 2 girls, one boy, similar age gaps. This fact is TERRIFYING if history repeats itself as it means I have many years of below the belt punches, eye gouging and general hysterical nonsense ahead of me. Ah, family love!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lara I have basically replicated my own family as well! Older girl younger boy. Oh dear oh dear what have I DONE!!

      Delete
  14. that is very funny - I have two younger brothers - I am five foot nothing and they are six foot something - there have been many fisticuffs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh the memories! Fisticuffs ago go! Thank you for commenting Sonia!

      Delete
  15. I am one of 3 (I have a brother and a sister) My brother was spoilt, being the only boy-and he got away with murder. He used to stand at the other side of the room, bite his own arm, then scream yell that one of us did it. Little Bugger, We now all get really well, but maybe because he now lives in London...ha ha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The hallmarks of a young sociopath I reckon! LOL!

      Delete
  16. Good topic - yup. My mum used to be the moderator between my sister an I. There is one thing that seems to annoy me about her, and vice versa. It's lessened, but she still thinks I'm an all night rager who wants to take her on a bender, and I think she's an over cautious nana :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes we do get kind of stuck in our family characters don't we and play out the same storylines!!!

      Delete
  17. Sibilings - such a complicated, whacky realtionship!
    My brother used to chase me around the house with the room demanding that I showed him "some respect" Why he didn't realise that a broom was his big let down...I'll never know!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CLASSIC! Some respect! I can just imagine. SO FUNNY!

      Delete
  18. You just described my own childhood. I once threw a fork at my brother and it impaled his arm - no jokes! I also used to be known for pinching myself and making a red spot on my body then turning on the tears and claiming that he hit, bite, punched or chinese burned me - all so I could get free run at the TV. As they say - siblings are proof of parental amnesia! xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sonia I think all kids are little psychopaths. I mean, truly, that self harming and then blaming it on a sibling is CRAZY right? All kids are totally MANIACAL!

      Delete
  19. I have three sisters and a brother, but thankfully the youngest two sisters and brother were younger enough that we didn't get in to too many full-on fights. A 6, 8 & 10 year age gap will do that.

    My sister A, on the other hand, was only 2 years younger than me and as such we got in to the most terrible of fights. I remember trying to strangle her and holding her down on the bed and doing the whole long spit down and then sucking it back up while she shrieked and tried to get away. I was a bitch of a big sister!

    I got so mad at her once that I broke a window. Not on purpose mind you. But we were getting ready to go see Christmas at the Opera House and Mum had raced down the street to get some snacks to eat on the train and left me in charge of making sure the other 4 were dressed and ready to go when she got back.

    A refused to get changed and insisted that she was going to wear her jean-shorts and a ratty top to the Opera House! I got so angry with her not doing the right thing I started chasing her around the house with my shoes, and on one pass through the backroom I threw the shoes on the lounge so that I could have my hands free for throttling her. Unfortunately due to my rage-induced blindness I aimed a little high and one of my shoes bounced of the top of the lounge and through the window. To this day everyone says I threw the shoes at the window and will not believe me that I was actually aiming for the lounge. I will never live that down.

    ReplyDelete

Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...