Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Cold. Yoga. Hirsutism.

Hi guys.
Hope your week is traveling well.

I was doing a spot of fairly inadvisable reading of the Slapdash Mama back catalogue today. Apart from the whole UGHHHHH people are reading the SHITE I am writing feeling I got, I was also struck by a common thread. So common, in fact, that it is in fact referred to as the COMMON COLD.  That's right. A considerable number of my erudite missives are complaints about either me or (God forbid) M or the kids having a bloomin' cold. Just SO INTERESTING for everyone I am sure.

Well GUESS WHAT!!?? I have a cold. Right now. This minute. The kids and M are just recovering from one too.

Despite my suffering I still went to work. I'm not sure if this wasn't seen in a negative light by my colleagues what with the wastepaper basket overflowing with snotty tissues and all, but a working mother never has any sick leave to waste. Don't get me started on that.

I also dragged my carcass up to the yoga class I go to at work at lunchtime. I was VERY unenthusiastic, but felt compelled to attend. Mostly because I had forgotten to make my payment to the organisers and had to scab $65 off my longsuffering yet cheery workmate MG. I understandably felt that after his generous loan I really couldn't skip it, more's the pity.

Anyway it was quite a stressful class, what with my stuffed up snout rendering my yogic breathing ineffectual, and my feeble attempts to conceal my utterly feral unshaved legs from the rest of the class. I am determined not to weaken and shave my hairy pins until the end of winter, when I can start a brand new regime of waxing, and therefore hopefully reduce the amount of time I spend attending to my body hair.  Anyway I spent a goodly amount of the class today lying flat on my back gazing at the ceiling. Still, it's the thought that counts.

Speaking of body hair, I am totally over mine. Or should I say, it is totally over me! Like ALL OVER ME! I have always been a fairly hirsute lady, but I swear as I get older I get hairier and hairier. I am developing a veritable beard. Not a day goes by when I don't suddenly catch sight of my chin hairs glinting in the sunlight and have to make a hasty dash for the tweezers.  Maybe I should just grow it and get a job as a bearded lady? I could have my own You Tube channel, that seems all the rage these days.

My legs are bloody hairy too, and my bikini line (if you can call it that!) goes almost to my knees.

I've ranted about this before but frankly it's worth repeating. I sort of felt the need to apologise for it at my last de-pelting at the beauticians.

"I swear I'm just getting HAIRIER and HAIRIER! I mean it's practically down to my KNEES now!" I remarked to her.

She shrugged disinterestedly and said, in an accent reminiscent of the Gay Mancunian Heroin Addict caracter "Keanu Reevess" from Saxondale, "Oh, it's just hormonal, all that hair is. Hor-MON-al."

Fuck you hormones, you've been the bain of my existence since I was an early blooming twelve year old, with a bra strap ripe for the snapping by over excited pre teen boys.

Anyway I will leave you with a snippet of a Saxondale episode, featuring aforementioned Gay Mancunian character, for the unenlightened of you who aren't familiar with it. Enjoy.


29 comments:

  1. Gahhh, just repeated my bloody comment by mistake!!!

    Most of my posts are about randy/out of control farmyard animals ... ;-)

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  2. Bwaaahhh! He's sitting on the fit ball which is enough, then he tells him he looks like the BeeGees and his jeans are rubbish! LOL!
    As for the forest down under, I'm gonna try and sort that shiz out for you girl!!

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    Replies
    1. I know! It's so funy I couldn't stop watching it again last night!!
      Fingers crossed your plan to scam me some free laser removal works. I'm not holding my breath tho...

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  3. I hate that I never get to use my sick leave for me!
    And I hate body hair too. Why do we have it? Surely evolution should have taken care of this one by now?
    One of my friends at work has this little machine thing that essentially rips your hair out. I can't remember what it is called but she swears by it. I am thinking of investigating. Or maybe I will wait until some finally discovers my greatness and pays me for being me and then I will laser my entire body!

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    Replies
    1. I know, the removal process is so boring and time consuming.
      A machine wot rips the hairs out from your follicles eh? I'm intrigued...let me know if you get one!!

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  4. Saxondale, I loved it! Finally, someone else who watched it. As you may have noticed, I'm quite the little furball myself but that's the way I'm staying! Of course mine is silky and part of my charm.( hint - if yours is wiry and grizzled, burn it off if you have to) Meow!

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    1. Burning it off might be am extreme measure Sulky...we shall see how desperate I become LOL.
      I don't think Saxondale has actually been on the telly here, we learnt of its existence from my former UK resident sister in law. We were already Alan Partridge fans, Steve Coogan isn't such a big deal over here, do not know why!!

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  5. Your rants posts are a crack up. I may not work out of the home and be home with my two cherubs and heavily pregnant (about six weeks to go) but I understand our rant about colds.

    As it stands right now we have literally spent the entire school holidays inside because both the kids have been sick, and of course hubby is now coming down with the second bout in a month. How is it I can be growing another human, lugging around close to 20 extra kg and I have to deal with all their insanity but I can't five minutes to sit?

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    Replies
    1. Only 6 weeks to go, so exciting! I hear you on the sitting down front. I think I need to try some immune boosting concoctions, it is beyond ridiculous round here. So over it.
      Hope you get a sit down soon Trudy!!!!

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  6. My best friend is raving about laser hair removal at the moment. She's only had the first of several treatments, but is very optimistic. She said it was quite reasonably priced- not sure how much.... Am impressed by your commitment to work and yoga. Hope you feel better soon. x

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    Replies
    1. I'm not really committed to yoga H, believe me. I would hate to give anyone that impression! I would love to be committed to it! Maybe I will be one day.
      I've thought about laser hair removal. Hmmmm...maybe when I win the lotto!!!

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  7. whoa whoa whoa!!! hang on a freaking minute. I'm like, a guy and shit, and are you trying to tell me that women have hair on their bodies?

    Don't get me wrong. I know you have hair on the top of your heads...and eyelashes. Without that you would all look a little creepy, but body hair.

    I just hope you aren't going to all that trouble for men because, quite frankly, we aren't worth it.

    As I occasionally say to my wife:

    'if women got together and collectively agreed to stop spending so much time preening themselves men would still want to do naughty naked things with you.'

    Well I would....at least.
    Peace out!!!

    Paul

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    Replies
    1. Paul you are quite right, I've long since realised men are simple creatures and I'm sure a bit of hairy leg action wouldn't stop you from getting your leg over, if you know what I mean. Luckily bein a middle aged married mother of two I don't generally feel the need to shake my groove thing for the opposite sex any more. As for the patriarchy, frankly I just prefer to smash it whilst wearing a nice lipstick and a smart frock. It's a braver woman than I who sports a pale spotty and furry leg out and about, but perhaps I'm just a sook. Thank you for reading :-)

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    2. you arent middle aged ...I am and you are young ..say it after me otherwise I may have just have to fly north and tell you in person

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    3. Thanks smr I promise I won't say it again!

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  8. Poor sausage. 6 months of cod liver oil and echinacea a few years back sorted out my perpetual cold situation, hardly ever get them now (have had only one this year, though it was an absolute cracker, I was a leaking, dribbling monster), one of my nursy friends also swears by Olive Leaf Extract. Since I got the immune system up and running I haven't had many problems.

    As for the hairy situation. I got nothing. Sorry for chuckling :)

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    1. Yes I've heard other people swear by the olive extract bizzo. I should probably start my fish oil regime again at least, it seems to have a multitude of benefits xxx

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  9. Loved the video, btw, hilaire :)

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  10. I am lucky I have very little body hair. I dodged the hairy polish gene that the rest of my family have. But don't talk about hormones! I have the pimples of a teenager. WTF! Who gets them at 45? At least a hairy chin you can pluck. A pimple chin, is just a pimple chin

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    Replies
    1. Oh but I am pimply too! I have it all baby!!!
      Thank you for reading! :-)

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  11. I've been looking at my blog posts this past week or so, and feeling a bit shallow ... and like it's all about me ... but it's so easy to write about what I know, and what I know is ME ... Oh it's a hard life to be a blogger!

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    1. Janet I find it easiest to just take the piss out of myself and not talk about others too much, then nobody gets hurt feelings!

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  12. god its all happening with you ..

    As I get older my body hair is less so here's hoping

    sorry Ive been MIA new job different hours etc

    GET BETTER

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    Replies
    1. I've missed you! Hope the job is still goin well :-)

      Delete
  13. Don't hate me but I've been blessed with very little body hair, although I think it it was all saved for one certain area! Which I brazil the hell out of - (too much info) The worst thing about colds for me is that I can't taste all the food I shovel in it :( still doesn't stop me from eating though :) xx

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Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

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