Sunday, July 28, 2013

Stuff and junk and writing and not writing and hooks and pineapples and that.

I get hardly any time to update this here blog thing at the moment. Starting the blog has definitely reignited my love of writing, that is for sure. Well, when I say love, what I actually mean is weird obsessive NEED. I can hardly think of anything else.

Everything I hear, see, do, makes me think of something to write.  The frustration of constant words circulating in my brain and nowhere to vomit them out is just indescribable. In that I cannot actually describe it. It is just that indescribable. See I just can't describe it's indescribableness.

For example, Mum came for a visit today, and she was telling me about some weird family gathering she went to yesterday with her blind cousin who lives somewhere called "Bald Knob" or "Hairy Bum" or something ,and her other cousin who had a brain tumour and no short term memory, and they ate bone broth and drank tap water and reminisced about days of yore.  While we were having this conversation...

Mum: So we were talking about old Uncle Bill C____, and you know, how he had a hook for an arm, and...
Me: Wait, what? He had a HOOK for an arm?
Mum: Yeah, yeah he had a hook for an arm, you know, and he was married to Auntie A___, who was a bat...
Me: WTF? He married a bat?
Mum: Her NAME was Bat, stop interrupting. Anyway so he had a hook for an arm and he owned a pineapple farm in Yeppoon, and...
Me: He ran a PINEAPPLE FARM??!
Mum: *rolling eyes* YES of course he ran a pineapple farm, you know that, anyway and Cousin V____,  he couldn't remember ever meeting me! And so I told him how he used to put elephant beetles down my shirt when we visited the pineapple farm...
Me: Elephant beetles!?
Mum: YES! You know this story! Anyway, so I told him about the elephant beetles, and how he lived with us for a while when he was studying, and...
Me: Oh, and then he remembered who you were?
Mum: Yes! Well, only for about five minutes until he asked me again and I told him about the elephant beetles again, you know, because of the brain tumour thing, and...
Me: Hang on, he has a BRAIN TUMOUR?!!

..basically, all I could think was "NOT FAIR how come I wasn't at this gathering with the people with the brain tumours and hooks and the pineapples and the bats  I TOTALLY COULD HAVE PUT IT ON THE BLOG!".


Anyway look what I did there, I put it on the blog anyway.

I know the blog seems silly and sweary and blarghyarghy but I get a huge amount of satisfaction from it.

But it is SO hard to find the time to actually put pen finger to paper keyboard.

Anyway I'm not looking for sympathy, just, you know, venting my spleen and shit. Well, maybe not venting my shit. That's just gross.

Let's move on quickly.

When I actually get time to write something there are so many ideas floating around in my head that I am rendered sort of mute.

Sometimes I think I might never update the blog ever again. And then I do. And I feel better for a while.

So here I am. Updating the blog.


32 comments:

  1. It is silly and sweary and blarghyharghy BUT that is why we love it!!! All of us out here reading your words, feeling your feels and laughing at your hilarious descriptions of life. WE LOVE IT! So please continue to update the blog because we get a huge amount of satisfaction from it too :)

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    1. Nawwwwwwwww you are so kind x
      Thank you

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  2. That pineapple farm has the best pineapples! One of my friends used to drive out to the big bin thing they had on the side of the road when she was pregnant because it one of the things she craved. The pineapples that is, not the driving.

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    1. Wow really!!! I wonder if its still owned by my distant rellies? Will have to ask mama x

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  3. Do you know until I moved to Australia I thought that pineapples grew on trees.
    Which is to say I never once gave any thought to how pineapples might grow and I suppose just assumed they were a bit like coconuts until we were at a pineapple farm and there they all were...not on trees.

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    1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
      Oh dear. That is really hilarious! M tells me they are a type of Bromeliad. Interesting botanical fact!

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  4. You do a great job of updating your blog regularly. Unlike me. I haven't updated mine in, like, a WHOLE WEEK, which is a whole year in internet land. Plus, you always make me laugh and like Rach says we LOVE IT. Now you've made me feel like pineapple too, and if you can make me feel like eating fruit instead of cake you are achieving miracles with your blog. See?

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    1. LOL
      I really want to do nothing else but write and get so ENRAGED when I am thwarted.
      A WHOLE WEEK! GET ONTO IT WOMAN!

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  5. Dude, I didn't blog at ALL last week. Was her name really Bat? What sort of name is that? Was it short for something? This post needs a part 2.
    xx

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    1. She was a Bat of the Bat family. Perhaps it was spelled Batt? I don't even know.

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  6. Know what you mean & I love your blog!

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  7. LOL - I love what you write - no matter what it is about !!!! It generally always makes me laugh !
    Have the best week !
    Me

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  8. Laughed hard about this. Love extended family.... I have a few batty ones. So much fun at get togethers. Anyway, am a big fan of your blog- please don't stop!

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    1. Thank you and likewise with yours OMG!!!!

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  9. You make me laugh, regularly. I love your quirky writing - just keep on keeping on :)

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  10. That sure sounds like you missed out on a bloody weird/amazing catch up! I hear you about not blogging time, I have so much to say but no time to write it - life - blah - netball at 7.30 tonight, outside, BLAH!
    Love your rambles, they make me smile :) x

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Em! Bloody netball taking up your precious blogging time!!!

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  11. OMG this is my third attempt to comment, thanks Blogger!! Firstly I love this post and I love you. Secondly, what the actual fuck, are elephant beetles? xx

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    1. Oh thank you and likewise!! And here is something to answer your question!
      http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephant_beetle

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  12. Mad woman ;-) - I am being the crappiest blogger ever at the moment - not blogging - not commenting - I need to have a chat with your Mum for inspiration x

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    Replies
    1. No I'm crap! I am! You are so commenting! Look! You just did!!!!!

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  13. I loved this. And yet another thing we have in common - batty relatives :-) (Okay clutching at straws but one has to try and be a dedicated stalker in this day and age!) x

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    1. Batty relatives indeed! You are very kind Frank. Very kind. Stalk away!

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  14. Lol, so funny. Glad to know I'm not the only one who has these surreal discussions with my mother. :)

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    1. Haha yes it was quite hilarious! Thank you!

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  15. haha I love it! I think your mum should start a blog too! :)

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  16. Would you believe a carsick dog spewed on my arm at Bald Knob.
    The hook reminds me of a joke:

    A sailor met a pirate in a bar, and the sailor couldn't help but notice that the pirate was worse for wear. He had a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

    So, the sailor asked the pirate how he got the peg leg, and the pirate answered, "Well mate, I got washed up overboard one night while we were in a fierce storm. and dern me if a shark didn't go and bite off me leg."

    Then the sailor asked, "So, how'd you get the hook?" and the pirate answered, "Well, we was in a fierce fight while boarding a ship one time, and that's when I got me hand cut off."

    Finally, the sailor asked, "So, how'd you get the eye patch?" and the pirate responded, "A seagull pooped in me eye."

    "You mean to tell me you lost an eye just because a seagull pooped in it?"

    "Well, it was the first day with me hook..."


    ...........................I'll pause for applause. :)

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Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

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