Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Lalala - weekend things and stuff and Key Learnings and weather and whatnot.

Hello there peeps.

There has been some deadset doolally weather round these parts. I spent a few days up the coast at the Slapdash Family compound and there was a hum dinger of a hail storm while I was getting my hairs done at the, what I call, hairdresser. All us ladies there pressed ourselves up against the glass, robed in our capes and curlers, squealing and screeching things like "Oh me car!" and "Should we get some towels?" and "Everyone insured?".

Luckily the Noble Honda Civic that is our chariot of choice seems to have survived with the merest ding in the roof, despite veritable CRICKET BALL sized hailstones.

Then yesterday our Gracious and Tree-lined Suburb* was at the epicentre of another nutty storm that rent the kiddies daycare centre sun shades in twain and caused no end of consternation amongst eager local social media users. The magic of modern technology meant I could see a video of the hailstorm as it happened two houses away from ours, even though I was in the city at work. It's like living in the future!

Anyway the long weekend up the coast was very pleasant, as my brother, the prodigal son, had returned for a brief visit and my parents killed the fatted calf and whatnot**.

Here is evidence of said fraternal visitation.





During the visit I learnt some Key Learnings. The first of these Key Learnings was focused on my mother's dog. He is a sort of cattle dog and has been, for most of his life, rather neurotic and barky and disobedient. Push came to shove recently and Mum was forced to employ some Expert Assistance. aka Dog Whisperers.

They taught her how to show him who is boss. Apparently he had been stressed out because he thinks he is Pack Leader and frankly he is just not up to the job, being small of brain and feeble of character. So hence the manic barking and stress pooing and mentalness.

Mum had to give him what for and lay down the law and set things straight and so forth. Which, essentially, consists of sternly saying the word "BAH!" to him when he is playing up and carrying on like a pork chop. Apparently "BAH!" is a Universal Dog Sound that speaks to canines on a Profound Level and signals to them that All is Right in the world and that they are not pack leader, so they should just chill the hell out and relax and take it easy and enjoy a responsibility free lifestyle.

Weirdly enough it seems to have had a remarkable effect on the beast. So there you go.

The next, darker and more disturbing Key Learning, is as follows.
 My mother starkly revealed to me on the weekend that, even though since 1997 I have laboured under the illusion that I received the Highest Possible Mark for Senior English, thereby rendering me the Best English Student that my teacher had ever had, I did not, in fact, receive the HIghest Possible Mark and it is possible to get a Higher Mark then the mark that I got.

I know.

I basically don't even know who I am any more and have essentially been living a lie.

I had to have a good lie down after that revelation I can tell you.

Moving on from the destruction of lifelong belief systems, I had to race home from the coast in order to gussy P up in her ballet tutu and a face full of makeup for her official ballet photographs.

I am not cut out for this ballet mum caper. We still have a dress rehearsal AND a concert to go.

Not only will I need a lie down after it all but I daresay I will need a stiff drink or two by the time it is all over.

Cute though, right? Cute as a bug's ear.

In a final point for you this evening, I present an utterly hilarious and deadset clever piece of satire from the Tunnel Presents website. I've heard the person who wrote it is really good looking, nice smelling, kind, clever, generous, an excellent gardener with a high commitment to personal hygiene and permanently well styled hair. Ahem.

Good night readers. And good luck.


*and by Gracious I mean Bogan-acious
**by killing the fatted calf I mean shouted him to a bloody spensive steak at the local tavern

19 comments:

  1. I wish I suffered from disillusionment like that - my parents were rather the opposite with me - my dad being good old fashioned Aussie no nonsense bloke who didnt' like people to be uppity!

    Love the aerial shot of the tutu - very very cute indeed!

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    1. My mother was unfeelingly no nonsense when bringing me down a peg or two this time I must say! The cruel beast.

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  2. We gave up ballet lessons for singing lessons and soccer training...much less stressful for all concerned although shin pads are almost as irritating to put on as it was to put 1/2 a metre of hair into a tight bun x

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    1. I used to do soccer! I put it to her that maybe she would like to do gymnastics and piano next year, she seemed enthusiastic. I am starting to loathe dancing already.

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  3. Very talented writer, though, whoever she is!

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  4. My dad is a basketball coach and his school championships were always played at the Boston Garden. One year he put a piece of tape with the name "Larry Bird" on the back of a chair and told my sister that was Larry Bird's chair. Larry Bird was a big deal...I suppose kind of like Darren Lockyer. Anyhoo, it was obviously not Larry Bird's chair but my sister thought it was until she was about eighteen. Parental pranks! Best!

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    1. I look forward to pranking my own smalls one day soon!

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  5. That tutu is so cute!!
    http://takeshapefitness.blogspot.com.au/

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  6. Wish I had of known about the universal language of 'bah' - who knew!

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    1. I know! I have, however, tried it on our yappy neighbor dog with little success, so I think you might need the experts in,. at least at the start.

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  7. Seems like a very busy week there Mrs Slapdash! The storms have been quite entertaining haven't they? Not so good for getting washing done, which of course is something I ADORE doing! Love that your mum is now the leader of the pack again! Pretty girl in the tutu, just so beautiful x

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    1. Who doesn't adore doing washing? PRACTICALLY MY FAVOURITE THING EVER!

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  8. im laughing at you as always ...you know what I mean I know you do.

    .Im cut out to be a ballerina mum if you want a break from stiff tulle and even stiffer hair

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    1. I should give you a call smr! I loathe it already. And of course I know wha5 you mean, that's what I'm here for right?? HAHA!

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  9. Saw your storms on the TV news. We had similar over here in Perth a couple of years back and lots and lots of cars seriously damaged including my daughter's Mazda.
    Loved the shot of the tutu...great stuff.

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    1. Isn't she cute! Yes we had even MORE storms this week! Crazy stuff.

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Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

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