Monday, November 19, 2012

Dental bastardry. First world B.S.

I am deadset suspicious of dentists. I really do think they could tell you anything, and how do you know they are right? Like, one time, not long after moving to where we live now, I went to a new dentist, one closer and more convenient to my work in the city than my previous one. I got a recommendation from my boss at the time. I should have bloody well known he would be a dodgy fellow, because the aforementioned boss spent his whole LIFE at the dentist, forever shuffling his shambolic way back and forth from his office to the harbinger of dental doom. This was the same boss, who whilst being a very lovable and clever man, was also prone to sending round emails to us all warning about the lasers that were going to kill everyone when the earth changed polarity or something.  And is obviously also easy prey for Shylock-esque dentists.

I know, what was I thinking?

But I made an appointment anyway, and turned up, only to be told by Dr Death that my hitherto perfectly perfect pegs needed FIVE fillings! For an unholy amount of money. Still reeling from this news, he sent me in to see his minion (dental assistant) to have my teeth cleaned, which she did, all the while exclaiming " Five fillings! My goodness! How did you let THAT happen then, eh?" whilst I, rendered impotent by virtue of the instruments shoved in my gob, could merely maintain a dignified silence.

Being naturally untrusting, I made a second opinion appointment with my old dentist, where he told me I didn't need even a single one of those fillings. What a scam! This was more than five years ago but I am still SCARRED! The outrage.

Well if it isn't my old friend Mr McGreg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg! [Source]

Last year I grudgingly went to see another dentist again, this time one down the road from us. I was heavily pregnant, and had sore wisdom teeth. This guy was nice but still put the fear of God into me and told me I had a number of cavities and needed my wisdom teeth out. Because my Extras cover only stretches so far, I told him to fill the worst two and leave the rest for next year, when my insurance would cover it again. He tut-tutted vociferously but was forced, against his will, to go along with my apparently hair-brained scheme and was washing his hands of me and the time bomb that is my snaggle-toothed mouth.

Anyway, last week I felt that enough time had elapsed, and since he had made such a jolly fuss about the bloody fillings I decided the time had come to revisit and get a couple more done.

I went in on Saturday and took P too, for her first checkup. I got two fillings, in my two front teeth. Appropriate really since we are inching ever closer to Christmas. It was the same guy as before. P was a very good girl, no toothy troubles for her.

Before I had my fillings done, the dentist said "So how come you are getting these two fillings done? They are very small holes. Were they hurting?"

What?! I thought. I wanted to say, hang on, the only reason I'm bloody getting them done is because YOU said to, lest my teeth explode and take down everyone around me!
But of course what I actually managed to get out was a strangled, "Nghg thug gug gurgle" as he'd already gone in for the kill, drills and needles akimbo.
At one point, I had to run mid-filling to the toilet with P, and got a glimpse at my mush in the mirror. Holy moly! Trout pout agogo.

 I looked like a disheveled Joan Rivers. If she had been inflated like a giant balloon. [Source]

Anyway I suppose ultimately that it's a good thing and will mean that my two front choppers won't suddenly implode or drop out of my head in the near future which I have to admit would not be a great look.

I was going to rant on and on about more self obsessed and fatuous first world woes but then I saw more on the news about Israel and Palestine and gave myself a metaphorical slap on the face. Harden up you soft Western, safe, pussy, pissweak whinger with a peaceful life and a house not in the middle of a warzone and with your children safe in their beds and no bombs blowing them to smithereens.


  1. I'm also grateful not to live in a war zone, but I'd be happy to move most dentists I've ever met into one. This morning, my husband told me his tooth-monkey was charging him £800 for a root canal and another filling.( That's 1,200 Aus/Us dollars.) That's the kind of rip off place I live, where all the dentists zoom around in Lamborghini's and fake smiles. I am so pissed off, but I can't even grind my teeth over it because it'll probably cost me £2000 to have them repaired!Grrrr....

    1. Holy! That would be a shock. I would have to opt for my grandparents generation approach, which was to.get them all yanked out and replaced with falsies.

  2. Hi Sarah!
    I couldn't agree more! How can you know? I've never found a dentist that I felt I could really trust, but I did see one when I was pregnant last year that could possibly be worth a second visit to get better acquainted. Years ago, the dentist I saw on a regular basis actually chipped my front top tooth and sent me home. I looked in the mirror, saw the chip and called her with a "WTF DID YOU DO TO ME?" For her to respond that the chip was already there. Ah, think I would have noticed if my FRONT GODDAM TOOTH WAS CHIPPED! Long story short, she fixed it.

    1. Good Lord! Damn straight she should have fixed it. My mum has some hardcore horror stories from a particular dentist in regional Qld she went to. just awful. I feel the same way about mechanics a bit too. Hope I'm not offending people with my gross generalisations. Probably am. Eek.

  3. Hmm. I went to the dentist last year for the first time in about a decade, and had mentally prepared myself for crowns, bridges, extractions and basically a whole new set of teeth. Turns out I didn't even need a scale and clean. I was equally suspicious of this blase approach as you were of your overzealous shyster.

    Palestinian death count up to 100 this morning.

    1. Who knows who is right? If I'm in pain I know there's a problem, but if I'm not It's hard to trust them. Silly I suppose. Hard to bear the statistics Z, I have to change the channel when they start showing children. We are so lucky here.


Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

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