Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Lounge - Worst Jobs In History

Hello everyone!

I couldn't let a Thursday roll by without joining up with my fellow Lounge Lizards for our weekly linkup.

This week the delightful Kim Frost from Falling Face First  is our host this week, and the topic is Work Woes, Crap Jobs, Career Blips, and so forth.

Kim has written amusingly about her forays into customer service jobs in her youth. I'm taking a leaf out of her book and retracing my steps through my various pocket money jobs back in the day.

In what is undoubtedly a fairly gutting admission for someone like me who basically likes to whinge and complain about everything, I am sorry to say that my youthful part time jobs  were actually mostly quite good.  Didn't stop me feeling bitter and resentful that I had to work over my Christmas holidays while my cousins could loll about and do whatever they pleased. You'd think I had been forced down a coal mine by my parents the way I carried on sometimes.

Anyway I am doing a hardcore last minute post due to bad time management and vomiting kid, so I will briefly run through the highs and lows of my early working life.

The Local Shop for Local People



My first job was as a 15 year old, working Saturday afternoons at our local corner shop. This job was randomly offered to me by the owner, we shall call him Len, for that was indeed his name, and his wife..um...Mrs Len. Maybe Judy? Can't remember. I have my suspicions that he gave me this job because he had secret designs on my grandmother's beautiful old Ford Fairlane car. Once he had weaseled his way into our lives he did indeed purchase said classic vehicle from Nana so my thesis is sound.


Pros: I got paid for the first time, even if I did funnel most of my $5/hour wage back into the business with my regular purchases of bags of mixed lollies.
Cons: Regularly being harangued by well heeled elderly people for not knowing my sums when they said confusing things like "I've got the 25 cents, will that help you?". No it won't fucking help WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU OLD GITS I'VE ALREADY RUNG IT UP ON THE CASH REGISTER HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REVERSE THAT SHIT? It took me a good year to realize how to give change correctly.

The Clean Team

I left the local shop job when my school friends encouraged me to apply for a job on the Clean Team at the local cinema, where they were already lucky enough to be working. I was so excited at the prospect I could barely contain myself. I aced the interview and got the job, and was entitled to don the noble uniform aka a huge white tshirt emblazoned with "CLEAN TEAM", sneakers and black shorts. So hot right now.

Pros: SO many. Working with all me mates. 50c movies. Seeing the last 10 minutes of all the films showing at the cinema. Actually that was a con. Having money.
Cons: Um..the actual job. IT WAS CLEANING MAN! I am not built for that shit. One time I was called into a cinema during a movie. Some kid had spewed on the floor. I had to clean it up while her whole family sat there and watched me.

Sugar Sugar

I was promoted at one point on account of being so freaking hardworking and motherfucking diligent. I became part of the coveted Candy Bar team, and got to wore a much hotter uniform. A lime green pencil skirt, court shoes and a stripey blouse with a little tie. Cute right? It was the best job ever. I used to complain bitterly about it. UNGRATEFUL WRETCH! We used to make choc top ice creams, bag lollies, make popcorn. It was like working in bloody Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory.

Pros: Friends, money, cute uniform, 50c movies, access to lollies to nibble on.
Cons: Being yelled at by mental customers because it cost $20 for three popcorn kernels. Not my fault dudes, I was but a gormless youth who had only recently worked out how to give change properly. ALso, smelling of popcorn. Actually not a good thing. As well as my general resentment that I had to WORK to earn money. I've basically never shaken this feeling. NOT FAIR. I just want to LIE AROUND AND READ.

Library bitch - beginner level

I kept doing the candy bar job for a bit after I moved to Brisbane for uni, but got tired of going back home every weekend to work, so my auntie helped me get a job as a book shelving person at the uni library. In this glamorous position I got to wear black pants or skirt and a voluminous red polo shirt. Sex-ay. My job was to put ALL OF THE BOOKS away. Over and over again. Bloody science students and their bloody huge textbooks. Always USING THEM. It never ended.

Pros: Location, having money, peaceful nature of workplace. I did some extra work over Christmas once in the Engineering library. Turns out engineers don't use books. So I spent my shifts hiding in a corner of the library reading. Gave me a rather unrealistic impression of librarianship I have to say.
Cons: Heavy books. Working with librarians who are a bit...um..something. I am a librarian now so I can say that. Also being regularly berated by one of the fulltime shelvers who thought I was really boring. He was a middle aged man whose main passion was playing in a folk music band. He interpreted my eye rollingness at all his tales from the 70s as "wowserism". As if. *rolls eyes*.

Cirque du Slapdash

At one point I got an extra job on top of the library work to save money for an overseas trip. It was with the...wait for it...Cirque du Soleil. NOT, I hasten to add, as a performer. More's the pity. No, I was hired by some Class A Bitchface Employment Agency Bitches to work the bar. They hated me from the word go because I had another job as well and was constantly turning down their offers of extra shifts. Also I burnt the popcorn once. And was a bit up myself and also a bit gloomy and depressed.

Pros: Money. Kind of interesting I guess working out at a circus site. I had to sell popcorn in the Grande Chapiteau (aka Tent). This started out as a negative, but I decided to pretend I was part of the act and so walked around the stands yelling "POPCORN GET YOUR POPCORN" in a sort of DRAMATIC and ARTISTIC way and it became quite fun. I developed an excellent champagne bottle opening technique. I even had a callous! Cool.
Cons: Bitchface employment HR agency bitches. Weird hospitality industry co worker types who didn't like me and were always PARTYING ON afterwards when I was slinking home to be sad and depressed. General vibe of being disliked. Poo heads.

So there you have it, that's a brief wrap up of my youthful working life.  From it I think you can surmise that I am a lazy, ungrateful, fairly unlikeable snobbish wretch. I needed a smack on the bottom.

39 comments:

  1. You're a LIBRARIAN? I was a pretendy one for a while. Yes, librarians are a bit..um..something..aren't they?

    The cleaning job sounds like the worst. Ew. The smell of pop corn certainly must evoke some powerful memories for you.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I am a librarian and I am also married to one! We are not....something...though I reckon I am making a nasty generalisation about librarians and am naughty for doing so. I don't work in a liberry these days though I might again if something came up.

      Delete
  2. I never became part of the Clean Team but I applied to work at an art cinema once - I thought it would be great to be paid to watch movies and scoff popcorn but I never got the job. I am one of those work shy people who when they look for a job ad in the paper only circles those that are a ten minute walk so I don't have to get up too early, drive in rush hour, can come home for lunch etc etc

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need you to work out how I can shy away from having to work for money. Quick I need options stat!

      Delete
  3. SMACK! You are SO not a librarian, you public servant you. Shameful. The elaborate story-webs you spin. I do like them so. They enmesh me. I shall henceforth call you Charlotte. Kay?

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    1. I am a librarian you know Kimbo! I even has the paperwork to prove it. Just call me Dewey.

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  5. I used to want to be a librarian...as a kid I used to spend a lot of time at the library...I know...NERD ALERT...and the children's librarian was named Mrs. Purdy and she was so nice...and purdy...I wanted to be her. Plus back in the day you got to stamp things! And stamping is fun.

    I think you can't start working in the States until you are 12 but as my parents both worked full time and as summer holidays were three months long, they had to get me out of the house and doing something. So they always made me VOLUNTEER for jobs. Yuck. I was a volunteer camp counsellor for many summers. Nothing like having to deal with other peoples kids all summer for FREE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My god that is my idea of hell. Volunteering at summer camp. You are going straight to heaven for that one MDU.

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi there! All is...ok I suppose. Although we've had quite a tough week really, sick kids and all. I really feel like I can talk to you, spambot. You fucking know how to listen you really do.

      Delete
  7. Its so amazing when you look back over the years and work out what you did.
    I've done that a few times and its always amusing!
    This week I'm talking about working with your spouse - the wows!
    http://www.australianinspirationalwomen.com.au/archives/467
    Also, it was great to meet you Yesterday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was so lovely to meet you I'm just sorry I couldn't talk more!

      Delete
  8. Never had you as a librarian. Loved this post - got nothing worth reading to add, but you made me chuckle, as always :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. You know I always wanted to be a librarian. I remember when I told my Mum this and my sister overheard and thought I'd said barbarian! And I always thought working at the cinemas would

    ReplyDelete
  10. ...be cool but there is no way I could have cleaned up spew! I can barely manage to clean up my daughters spew now!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have guts of steel Kylie! Steel I tell you!

      Delete
  11. I used to work part-time in a medical library. It's the closest I've come to being in a coma. Sniffing the fusty tomes is what kept me alive. My boss was a psycho-bitch. But you love work now, don't you??? Eh??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fuck yeah I love work. I would totally do it for free I love it so much. NOT. OMG. AS IF.

      Delete
  12. I used to have to wear a uniform with a tie and a stupid polyester shirt which made everyone sweat like pigs - I expect we all stank to high heaven ...

    I've always fancied being a librarian what with me being all zen like and everything I reckon I'd be perfectly suited to it ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My high school uniform involved a polyester polo shirt. The humanity...oh god I suffered in summer I really did. Sweat patches ago go.

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey...I'm starting to think you aren't sincere spambot. What the actual fuck? Do you take me for a fool spambot? How dare you. I'll give you blog blogging.

      Delete
  14. Ohhh I could be a Librarian...as long as I didn't have to deal with the children. Can you believe I once wanted to be a teacher!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah children are totes the worst. I mean not MINE of course they are angels. And I'm sure yours is awesome! And...um...*sweats* I'm sure very one reading this has wonderful kids...oyy...

      Delete
  15. You took me back there with the 'giving change' issue. I t took me ages to work that out too! The way you've described it is exactly what they'd say!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. The old gits! Weren't they ever young and stupid too? Rude.

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  16. I was hoping you'd mention those red library shirts. Caitlinxx

    ReplyDelete
  17. Crack me up - smack on the bottom! I loved working at the movies, when we were bored we used to put popcorn salt on the choc tops before we coated them! I can just imagine you shouting popcorn at Cirque! BTW I always wanted to work at a corner shop - JEALOUS ;) xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You crazy kids! I never did that sort of thing. I was too oppressed by the man, man. I was a bloody diligent little creep. Such wasted years.

      Delete
  18. Oh, I could sense the tension as you handed over change at the Local Shop. I was a checkout chick back before there were scanners and we had to type the bar code into some gadget or other (stressful) and then properly count back the change to customers at the end. I do not DO numbers (this is why I ended up being a writer/librarian/booknerd) and I found that process so stressful! I also worked for one of those Bitchface agencies at Suncorp Stadium - I lasted one shift! So funny. Talk about your 'first world problems'. :)

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    1. Oh god I was so stressed by the change thing. For te cirque du Soleil job we had to do it all in our head too! Awful.

      Delete
  19. I worked in a library too! One step up from a shelving assistant though - as a library assistant :-)

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  20. 50 cent movies??! Are you for real??? How awesome is that?! Cleaning up spew? Not so much. Eeeewww!

    ReplyDelete
  21. How about that Dewey decimal system! Revolutionary! That all jobs had such order. x

    ReplyDelete

Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

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