Monday, February 18, 2013

A dead giveaway.

Hello loyal fans.

If you are one of my dedicated Facebook groupies, you might have noticed that I have finally cracked the 100 fan mark!

I know!  FAMOUS!!!

Actually I think it is 105 likers.

I want to say THANK YOU so much to everyone who wastes time reading this blog.  Truly, my whole life I've thought how much I'd love to be a writer.  Even as a kid I used to write stuff.
Now apparently I have a captive audience and I couldn't be happier. I know it's only me writing silly crap but I'm loving it sick.

Good work internetz.

Now, something that blogging types do occasionally is indulge in a little giveaway madness! Or as I like to call it, buying friends!  I am not averse to a little bit of bribery so I thought I'd get involved.  I did say a while back that if I got to 100 likes, I'd "do something nice".
Well here it is! Slapdash Mama's very first giveaway.

So I guess the theory would usually be that if you had a really awesome prize and made it pretty easy to enter, new readers would hear of this exciting competition and would flock to your blog en masse! And you would have a million new fans!

Unfortunately I am rather a nobody in this business and am not exactly inundated with gifts and freebies, so I have put together my own rather meagre prize pack, and am correspondingly going to make it SUPER HARD AND COMPLEX to enter!  Because it is my blog and I can if I want to.

Feast your eyes on the generous prizes I have prepared for you!

I got these cool paper straws from Woolies.  If you win, I will send them to you.  You too can jazz up your kid's drink by shoving a straw in it.  Creates instant carnival atmosphere!!!!

You will also get ONE ONLY of these childrens books.  B was accidentally gifted with the same book twice for his birthday, so that makes you guys the WINNERS right there! I am generously going to send one to you if you win this giveaway.  Regifting for the win!  I have to add here that after reading this book, I don't rate it highly.  Still, what's free is cheap, right guys??

Last but not least, you will recieve this UNOPENED packet of cupcake papers from IKEA that I bought and didn't use at Christmas.  Because, you know, the whole cake theme I've got going on at the moment.  Or cake fail theme, if you will.

Another angle of the same aforementioned cupcake thingoes.

SOUNDS GOOD RIGHT!? Who wouldn't want to win! I might even autograph them. I'll think about it.

To enter, you must complete the following challenges.

1.  Like me on FB, or follow the blog with the Google blogger thingo on the sidebar, whichever you prefer.

2.  And now this is the hard part.  Speaking of my youthful writing projects, I recently discovered the first paragraph of an unfinished short story I started when I was maybe 14 or so.  It's like a kind of bodice ripper romance Mills and Boon mixed with a Gothic novel type thing. I have virtually no memory of writing it.  Anyway I never got around to penning more than this...

     A piercing shriek echoed through the dank corridors of the musty dungeon.  As the warden laughed evilly, he threw the lifeless form of Letitia Bouvier to the ground of the filthy, slime-ridden cell.  Her sodden dress clung to her body, drenched with her own blood.  The warden jangled the cell keys in his pocket, gave Letitia's still, pitiful body a last kick, and made his way to the door.
     "No!" An unrecognisable form threw himself against the bars of his cell.  The warden stopped in his tracks.  Turning round to stare coldly at the man, he sneered, "You'd better watch your step, Sir Gulliver.  The Baron can arrange special treatment for you too if you wish."  He threw back his head and laughed.
     Long after the warden had left, the evil laugh still echoed in Sir Gulliver's head.  As he stared at Letitia's pathetic body, he muttered under his breath, "Letitia will be avenged, I swear it on my brave father's grace."
     His tangled hair covered his distinctively aristocratic features, for he was a man of exquisite parentage, betrothed to the lovely Letitia....

Actually now that I read it again it seems almost like a precurser to the Game of Thrones books.  Also, how funny is it that I used the name Bouvier!?  Pretty funny.

No matter.

Your task, if you choose to accept it, is to tell me in 50 words or less, HOW DOES THIS STORY END?

I know it hasn't got a middle part either.  Just cut to the chase and give me the last few sentences.  Humour me.


I will post it to you and everything.

I will reveal the winner........probably on the weekend.

Get writing dudes!  I just know I will be inundated with entries.  Post them in the comments or email them to me at



  1. And they lived Happily Ever After! Actually, I was tempted to have Gulliver start salivating over the hunky warden and then have them in a manly, sweaty embrace over Letitia's bloodied, lifeless body. Too much? I don't do FB but I want to enter because Jesus knows, I have never seen such magnanimous bounty offered for a Giveaway before! Bribery of the highest order.

    1. Of course you can enter you are a diehard stalwart, as FF would say. Is this your final entry or are you going to polish it up a bit? Magnanimous indeed...but only if you lot put in the hard yards!!!

    2. Polish it up??!! I have NEVER been so bloody insulted! My paws sweated blood over that fabulous homo-erotic twist.Ungrateful hussy!

    3. Bahaha! It's going in the draw. Homo erotic twists get extra points, don't worry.

  2. You you are all kinds of funny. Congrats on the triple figure liking in the land of Facebook. I wish I had drunk more of my coffee so I could think of something great to write for your ending

    1. Thanks! You should totally enter. If I'm being honest, I'd have to say I'm not exactly being inundated with entries. Can't think why!!

  3. Congratulations on making 100 fans, they say the first 100 are the hardest! I won't enter your competition yet as need a second coffee but I like your style.

    1. Thanks Eleise! You should enter! Who wouldn't want to win this amazing prize??

  4. Sir Gulliver counted himself lucky that he had the fortune to find Letitia's long lost twin sister in that back woods, swamp bog of a village. Now here they were, at the altar, and he could live happily ever after with the living embodiment of his first true love.... And her ghost.
    The end.

    Bahaha.... Those straws are mine!

    1. Hahaha!! You are now in the draw!!!!! You are up against Sulky Kitten's entry above. Both excellent. Wonder who else will enter???

  5. YOU CRACK ME UP!! Here's my twist...
    Years passed and Sir Gulliver moved on, but he never really forgot and weeks after his betrothed was slain the warden found himself not walking to a mysterious lover's bed but to his own deathbed at the hands of a bloodied women, not unlike Letitia.
    :) xxx

  6. Did you get mine?

  7. and nothing would stop him from getting his revenge.
    He turned on his heel, determined to stride out of the room and plan his next move, when his shiny man shoes slipped in a pool of Letitia's blood. Despite his rugged good looks, and dashing charm, Sir Gulliver was an uncoordinated soul and went arse up, landing next to his betrother on the floor, with a very large bump on his head.
    He turned to gaze at her, and suddenly realise that she had a hair moly on the right side of her nose. Seeing the item of disgust, he picked himself up, took off his blood stained jacket and exited the cell, deciding vengeance was truly overated.

  8. I think I just made your tally 106! Congrats on the FB likes and that story is a great one! Hope you publish the winning entry xx
    Josefa from #teamIBOT

  9. Hmm I'm no good at writing fiction so I'll pass on finishing the story - but I love your creativeness in having a giveaway to celebrate!!!

  10. Tragically, she passed away and so did he.

    Sorry I'm not much good at writing fiction!

  11. Congratulations on the 100 :) I'm making u a cake to celebrate!! xx

  12. That is so funny. Love your prizes, the captions make them so appealing :) And well done to your 14 yr old self. Well done x

  13. You crack me up. Go 14- year old Slapdash! An awesome effort I've gotta say. Don't really want your straws, but I can't resist a challenge…

    Letitia, rousing slowly from her poisoned and battered slumber, blinked heavily.

    'Oh, shitballs, Sir Gulliver, is that you? Have you not grown a pair yet and busted yourself out of this godforsaken place? However is a lady likely to become seeded by such a guileless and limp man? Heirless and throneless I shall be, even if I make it out alive. Warden! Come hither! Do me NOW!'

    1. Bahaha! What do you mean you don't want the straws??? The cheek.

  14. As Lady Letitia reclined in Sir Gulliver's arms, she sighed the contented sigh of the rescued. "Gully, my fearless hero ..." she pleaded. "Wilt thou rid me of the indignity of this legacy of that dank hellhole?" Letitia rolled over, lowered her pantaloons and revealed a putrefying boil on her pert white buttock. Sir Gulliver recoiled, then braced himself. Could he perform the ultimate rescue and go down in the annals of history as "Sir Lance-a-bot"?

  15. This is genius. Pure and simple. IN THE DRAW!!


Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

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