Friday, January 25, 2013

'Straylia Day. Utes. Chopsticks. The Silver Budgie.

G'day my fellow 'straylians.  Gettin' pumped for 'straylia Day? Me too! I'm fully sick amped to the max and plan to get plastered whilst wearing the 'straylian Flag as a cape and harrassing some New 'straylians whilst watching Today Tonight and eating some prawns and wearing pluggers with the boxing kangaroo on them.

Es vous?

We've got a new landline, after our having-mobiles-only-cost-cutting-measure was declared a failure, shrilly and vociferously, by yours truly.  Unfortunately I keep getting calls from people looking for a ute hire business.  Which, quelle surprise, is not our thing. Some of these people are sounding vaguely annoyed at me when I explain, no, this isn't a Ute Hire Establishment, it's a private household. One woman said huffily, " Well, that's VERY helpful!" before hanging up.

Look, I'm sorry lady but the best I can do is loan you the Suzuki Swift one arvo for a small fee but I'm betting it's not what you're after either. I mean, you can't even get your shopping in the boot when you come out and realise you've left the pram in it. Trust me. I've been there. Lots of times.  Perhaps the spate of calls is due to the proximity to Australia Day (tomorrow).  The Bogans of Suburbia have been restless tonight, with burnouts aplenty.  I'm wondering if some of the utes have been hired for this express purpose?  I think possibly.  As I write the silence is again being shattered by sirens, perhaps chasing the burnout perpetrators.  Go get 'em Fun Busters! You have my full support.

In other interesting developments, apparently P can use chopsticks now. WTF. I can't even do that shit. I mean, the kid spends half her life throwing food round the house, getting spaghetti in her hair and nose and every available orifice and shoveling it all in with her bare hands, and we go to sushi train like twice ever and all of a sudden she's all, oh yeah hey Mum, so, whatever, like I can totally use chopsticks now, what of it? Can't you? Urgh Mum and Dad you are so embarrassing the way your sushi keeps shooting out from between your implements, what are you, special needs or something?

Anyway in the spirit of Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oy, Oy, Oy, I feel compelled to post this ancient photo of moi with a great Australian, our former glorious leader, Prime Minister Bob Hawke, aka the Silver Budgie.  Just because I've been looking for an excuse.

His skin was like a leather lounge suite, his hair like spun, um, steel wool? No Blanche that day I'm afraid, Bob was ALL BUSINESS.  Even when my colleague Z cheekily mentioned these photos.
On that note, fellow patriots, I bid you farewell. For now.

12 comments:

  1. I hate to see a post go uncommented on, so I'm propping myself up with compliments. What a highly enjoyable post that was, Sarah. Well done you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You crack me up Sarah!!!! Thank you for a much needed laugh on this revolting evening. See you on Tues. Ali xxx

      Delete
  2. I say you take ute hire bookings.... make sure to give them the address for the bogan up the street who owns a ute :) Shame Bob was on his best behaviour during the catch up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent advice. Yes re Bob, he muttered some choice words at my colleague after he mentioned the photos but that was it, fortunately or unfortunately depending on your mood

      Delete


  3. Can I hire the Suzuki ..maybe you could run it down to Sydney for me and show that you are extra helpful

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll do anything if the price is right...

      Delete
  4. My landline is very similar to a ferry company and a bank - you can imagine the fun I have dealing with queries!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha! Yes I can imagine. They wouldn't know who they were dealing with!!

      Delete

Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...