The art of self deprecation. The blog. Money.

So we are back now after our abbreviated family visitation for the Christmas period.
It was pretty jolly well jam packed with family and friends catchings up, you know how it is, the annual compulsion to see millions of friends and related peoples all at the one time.

At all the social events we attended there was much chitty chat and interest in me and this here blog, which I found, in a sort of contrary way, alternately interesting and annoying. I say contrary because well, obviously I write it and put it on the interwebs so peeps will read it and laud me as the singular voice of a generation. So I shouldn't really be surprised that you dudes actually DO read it, and correspondingly have OPINIONS on it and, following on from that, opinions on me and how I write and how you perceive the way I see the world. And the downside to doing this is that the good old written word is notorious for its propensity to get a teeny tiny bit misinterpreted.

The upside is, of course, that having this blog is kind of like having that golden opportunity everyone dreams of, the opportunity to HAVE THE LAST SAY. What I mean is, usually when I've had a conversation with someone about something, I often go away thinking "Bother, I wish I'd said {insert clever retort here} or {insert witticism here} or {insert clarifiying remark here}".

Well, writing a blog means no longer do all the things I wish I'd said remain unspoken, no longer do I wish I'd had the words to explain myself properly. I can now force you all to endure my musings, my followings up and my clearings up of misunderstandings.

On that note, here's some shit I want to clear up about me and this here blog that's been brought to my attention during awkward conversations I've had over the festive season.

1) On being self deprecating.

My cousin C from Deutschland reads the blog ( hello C). He was very nice about it and said he loved to read it because it reminds him of home. Thanks C. BUT. He also said  "and you are actually quite funny, in your miserable sort of way". I laughed but was thinking lots about it afterwards. At another gathering of old schoolfriends yesterday, I told them what he had said and there seemed to be general consensus that yes, it was miserable. Ok. So I think I know what you all mean, but I feel compelled to clear something up. That renowned scholarly journal Wikipedia defines self deprecation as
       " the act of belittling or undervaluing oneself.^[2] It can be used in humor and tension release...".

I prefer to use the parlance of our times and define it as "Taking the piss out of yourself".

Some famous self-deprecating humourists include such big names as -

• Larry David. I don't want to alarm you but I don't actually think he is as hopeless, accident prone, and socially awkward as he makes himself out to be. Um, I mean, he's a famous writer who, you know, only wrote like the most famous sitcom ever, Seinfeld. So probs pretty together and clever. See? EXAGGERATING for dramatic effect!!
• Woody Allen - see above precis but substitute "sitcom" for "gazillions of massively popular and awesome movies".

Ok, so what am I on about? I guess I was a bit horrified to think that what I was writing might be going down on the public record as "miserable". I read it over again for myself the other night, and you know what? I really don't think it is. It is SELF-DEPRECATING. I am really NOT MISERABLE. I'm a lucky person, I have a good life and beautiful friends and a supportive family and the thing I love most in the whole world is to have a larfff.  I don't know about you lot, but I am also deeply flawed and a bit ridiculous. I can be impatient, lazy, selfish, hopeless, hairy, depressed, smelly, grumpy, silly, argumentative, overwhelmed, disorganized, moody, negative, drunk, inconsistent, foul mouthed, emotional and so forth.

So you know what I do? I take the piss out of myself! For larffs! For shits n giggles! I take my bad points and I poke fun at myself for your entertainment! I EXAGGERATE!!!! It's not all totally REAL!!! The only sure fire way to NOT hurt anyone's feelings when writing to be humorous is to direct all the barbs and slings n arrows at yourself.  I do this for you people! I am so GIVING! I am practically a saint. Aren't you all LUCKY!!!!!!!

I am not miserable. I am self-deprecating.

2) The blog seems so time consuming.

Ok, I get this a lot! It's not! It's not a burden, it isn't hard. I wrote most of this post on my phone on the drive back from the coast while the kids were sleeping. I like it! The words come spewing forth onto the page like, well, like SPEW! The photos take a while to upload, but I just load 'em up and then wait for the magic to happen. Anyone have a Facebook account? An email account? You too could write a blog - it is EASY!!

3) Why have a blog? What's the POINT??!!

Guys once again I don't want to alarm you but I don't write the blog as some sort of high tech version of a baby book. I'm not "keeping the family records" or whatever. It's for my writing, it's a creative outlet for me to write whatever I like however I like. Usually I try to be humorous (see point one above on self-deprecation).

Maybe one day someone will notice it and I'll get some moola out of it, which leads me to my next point.

4) Mummy bloggers who host advertising on their sites and/or write sponsored posts are somehow deficient or "sellouts".

Ok, OMG you guys. No! This is wrong. You have been BRAINWASHED by the mainstream media who are shitting their collective pantaloons because they are losing power to the good people of the interwebs. People are writing their own stuff on their own sites, other people are reading it and ad companies are INTERESTED in this! The media, such as it is, cannot handle this shift and like to make out that it is somehow unethical and pathetic for "mummy bloggers" to earn some cash for their words. Pfft I say. Where does all the money come for newspapers, for magazines, for their fancy "beauty buys" spreads and so forth. From advertising!

Let me tell you now, if ever I am lucky enough to become a popular blogger, I be monetising the SHIT out of this blog so fast you won't know what hit you. I might draw the line at cigarette advertising but that's about it. Don't worry I'd be all above board and declare my interests and whatever whatever, but if someone will pay me to write this shit then I am ENDORSING THAT CONCEPT BIATCHES!!!!!

Ok here endeth today's sermon.

I feel I should finish with this closing remark. Obviously, I know that by putting out my ramblings to the general public I am inviting people to read it and then form whatever opinion or impression they like. I am basically so happy and grateful that anyone reads it at all. I just wanted to set the record straight for my own self because I felt a bit URRGGHHHH in the tummy about the blog.  Carry on thinking whatever you like peeps. Don't stop reading. Or do. Whatever you like, I am down with it.

As you were.