Bloggers IRL.

How are YOU all going? Hmm? You'll have to speak up, I'm on the internet.

Some housekeeping points;

- blogging is taking up too much time so I've cut it back
- Some lovely people have nominated me for a few Leibster awards. I DON'T THINK I AM GOING TO GET TO PASS THEM ON OR ANSWER THEM PROPERLY I AM SO SORRY! But thank you all VERY much.
- Today is The Lounge linkup - at Kimbo's blog - http://www.fff.net.au/. 

 Let us proceed now we have that out of the way.

Do you ever wonder if bloggers are real people? Or if they really are like their blog personas, or if they are actually 60 year old men using a computer in their mother's basement?

I used to. I don't any more because I've met a few IRL. That's internet speak for "In Real Life".  One of the most wonderful things that's happened since I started the blog, apart from allowing me to EXPRESS MYSELF CREATIVELY LIKE THE ARTISTE THAT I AM, is that I have made new friends. So exciting. I always feel a bit weird explaining I have friends I made on the INTERWEB like. But look, it's the way of the future, dudes. Who am I to stand in the way of PROGRESS!

Frankly it's a bit of an ask making friends when you get into your 30s so hooray for technology.

I'm just going to randomly rave on about some of the blogging peeps I have met for a bit.  Maybe you will like them too.

Veggie Mama
Veggie Mama blogs about motherhood, and food - vego food and recipes. Stacey is the most lovely, kind, truly helpful person. As well as being STRIKINGLY BEAUTIFUL, she is also smart and funny, and has been super generous with her bloggie help. She is a veritable treasure trove of blogging info.


Sit Down Mummy
Well I don't know if she counts because I knew her IRL before blogging but Kate is hilarious, kind, sporty, hilarious, multi talented, and did I mention hilarious. I luff her. She was at our wedding! Oh the memories...


Mother Down Under
Caitlin is adorable, utterly unpretentious, funny and kind. We met for the first time a little while ago, when we met up at our fellow blogger Housewife in Heels' new dress shop in BrisVegas. She has also recently started up her own Hypnobirthing business so anyone in Brissy about to pop out a sprog should look her up.

Housewife In Heels
As well as having a totes hilarious blog HiH is in person super glam, funny and warm. You should go and visit her dress shop, it's in Paddington and is called "The Pop Up Shop", you might snaffle a bargain. I tried on some frocks a while back but it was in the uber hairy leg days so it was all a bit unpleasant. She was very polite about it though. You can't take me anywhere really.

Faux Fuchsia
FF is a CULT BLOGGER - she blogs about style, fashion, motherhood, cushions, the royal family - you name it. And through a fortuitous connection she is also friends with Mother Down Under, who introduced us one evening over a glass of red wine. Talk about freaking star struck. I've only read her blog like FOREVER! She is just as you might expect IRL. SUPER GLAM, very very funny and warm. I was awkward and dorky. But, oh well. We swapped mobile numbers so WE ARE TOTALLY FRIENDS NOW, RIGHT? AM I RIGHT??

The Very Inappropriate Blog
Ah, Rachel. Rachel my fellow lounge lizard. I read her blog and instantly knew - we were KINDRED SPIRITS. If you haven't read it then start here. I did. I've recently had the pleasure of sharing a rather boozey and mental weekend with Rachel and our other Lounge associate Kim. TRUE FRIENDS FOR LIFE FOR REALZ NOW!

HOW GOOD IS THIS PHOTO? Pretty good.

Falling Face First
Kimbo, Kimbooli, Kimbo Slice. Kim is my mum's favourite commenter on this blog, along with Sulky Kitten. Look, mum loves you all but I am allowing her favoritism just this once. Kim is a blonde bombshell, and writes with a witty flair about the trials of motherhood second only - well, second only to MEEEEE DAHHHHLINKS! I kid, I kid. Not about her being witty. We've shared a lot, have Rachel and Kim and I. WHAT GOES ON TOUR STAYS ON TOUR RIGHT PEEPS?

Before we started getting VERY INAPPROPRIATE and in danger of FALLING FACE FIRST - see what I did there?

A Cooker and a Looker
Amanda's blog is  AWESOME AND EXCELLENT. She takes good snaps and writes witty recipes and is downright high-larious. She once made me some biscuits and had them couriered to my house from the Sunshine Coast! I KNOW RIGHT! She also made the journey down to meet us on the weekend and helped nurse me through one of the worst hangovers of my life. Also, her oldest daughter, colloquially known as The Big Sister, and P, were immediate fast friends so everyone's a winner.

Hello you angels of hangover sustenance.

Have a Laugh on Me
Thanks, Em, don't mind if I do! Em and I met at my first bloggers meetup thingo (Amanda was there too) and we HIT IT OFF BABY! And also discovered we live practically two seconds away from each other. We've met up since for a park playdate that was cut short, due to an unfortunate incident that meant I was - oh God I can hardly say the words - FORCED TO FOLLOW THROUGH ON A THREAT! That is, I told P if she didn't stop being heinous we would have to LEAVE. SO, you know, we left. But here's hoping a ladies only WINE NIGHT might mean we can finish a conversation one day. 

The Tunnel Presents  
The Tunnel dudes write HILARIOUS and WITTY political satire, and have started a tradition of enacting humorous political scenes with LEGO. Also, it is vaguely possible that I might be a little bit related to one of them. A bit. Maybe. READ THIS BLOG - DO IT!


These are just a few of the awesome bloggers out there who have now become part of my life FOR REALZ. Motherhood is weird and finding kindred spirits out there has really meant the world.

Life is confusing and hard. We can help each other by reaching across the interwebs and making CONNECTIONS and shit. Maybe one day I will connect with you. And stuff.

Check ya!

Ringing in the New Year. Getting back my BloJo. Also, f****n magnets! How does that work??

Sounds rude doesn't it? But yes, you heard right,  I've gone and coined another term. I'm sure the Oxford Dictionary boffins will be on the phone to me any minute.

So "BloJo" ain't what you think it is. BloJo is the term used to describe the enthusiasm or feeling of motivation needed to write crap on your blog. That is, your Blog Mojo. See what I've done there? I've just shoved two words together to make a new one, in the manner of, say, " Boho" or "Bennifer" or "Brangelina", or even "sangry".

Anyway my BloJo had gone walkabout over the festive season, but I'm trying to get it back. I've been so sangry and loserish for the last month but the New Year is here and with it the psychological boost I need to pull myself together and get ENERGETIC! I'm feeling positively, er, positive! Woo! Come owwwwnnn 2013 hit me with your best shot!

P wearing her New Year outfit and contemplating the future.

How did youse ring in the New Year? We went and stayed at my SIL and BIL's place. The whole evening was a great success because...

a) The kids only stayed up til 8pm.  They had a sort of miniature discotheque that involved them giving a small performance of Queen's "Another one bites the dust" which P very amusingly calls "Buster Dust". Hee hee. They were then treated to a sparkler each and promptly wrangled, without too much drama, into bed. Amazeballs.

Aaaaaaaaaaah...Freak out!!!

b) The grown ups were then able to eat a nice meal, have a few drinkies including some bubbly, and proceed to usher in the new year huddled round the computer sniggering at You Tube clips such as this one....



Tee hee hee.

And this one.. .
It's a MEEEERRACLE! Fucken magnets?! How does that work??!

(There's also a very amusing SNL takeoff of this clip but it is mega hard to find.)


...followed by indulging in a Steve Coogan Live DVD, until lo and behold midnight was upon us! We all had another glass of fancy plonk and then hit the hay. And the kids slept all night long including Baby B. And then everyone let me sleep in til like 8.30am. I'm a lucky one.

I know how this looks, but we were actually having a lovely time.  And the plastic cups were for the kids I swear.  We used the posh glasses an' all. Innit.

But it didn't stop there people. We drove home and pottered about a bit before packing up AGAIN and driving to Kirra beach which is practically in another state, to meet up with some dear friends J and F and their sprogs, and other dear friends M and T. If you haven't been to Kirra for a while (like I hadn't) then OMG you are in for a surprise, the SAND! There is so MUCH. It was like undertaking a trek over the Sahara desert just to get to the water.  Anyway we did finally reach the sea even without a camel to assist us, and we all (yes, even me!) had a bracing dip in the rather wild ocean. Apparently someone drowned there today! Gah. How brave am I!!!?? Super brave, thank you very much.

Then we ate fish and chips.

Best. New Year. EVER!!

We are, however paying the price tonight for such an eventful few days, having just had the most hardcore bedtime battle times 2. Urghggf.

Cheerio chaps.

Merry Christmas to my crew.

Merry Chrimbo everyone.

We've had a fat old time here at the Slapdash Family Compound.  We had M's family over for drinkies here to Mums place last night, and I did a hardcore last minute giftwrap and then stayed up til the wee small hours to go to midnight Christmas Eve service with my Daddy.  Lucky because CHRISTMAS NEARLY HAD TO BE CANCELLED! I KNOW!

I know what you are thinking re: last minute gift wrapping but I can explain.  I am not usually THAT slapdash.  My feeling "off colour" all week turned into a full blown catastrophic migraine on Friday night. I had to get a jab in the arm on Saturday afternoon and everything.  I was wondering why I couldn't focus or get anything done and felt so tired and depressed.  As I said on FB, total RESPECT for peeps who get them all the time.  How do you do it?  I could have wept from relief when the GP said there was a needle he could give me that would fix it.  Thank FUCK.  I thought I was dying.  M had to take over and make the apricot jam I had conceptualised as an "easy" alternative to buying gifts for the adults.  Oh what a fool was I...anyway the jam is very nice so that's something.  Dad even had to do an emergency run to our house to look after the kids, even while we were supposed to be driving to his place!  Let me tell you if you don't have your health you have nothing.  Nothing, my friends.

Anyway, I went to the Christmas Eve midnight service a) because I am a good Anglican and b) because Dad has been coerced into some kind of candle wrangling role up at his ole church so he had to be there to offside the lady he's accepting the baton from.   I say accepting in the loosest sense of the word.  Which seemed to consist of him sort of lurking around while she officiously fussed about shaking out robes and whatnot.  If her actions could speak they would have been saying "I am NOT READY to relinquish my VERY IMPORTANT CHURCHY ROLE and frankly YOU'LL HAVE TO PRISE THESE CANDLES FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS you upstart you".  Dad was very noble and withstood the liturgical attitude being directed his way.  As we left I could hear her lecturing him "And when you do the READING tomorrow you must be sure to SPEAK CLEARLY INTO THE MICROPHONE so that they HEAR you at the BACK OF THE CHURCH! CLEARLY, mind!".  Poor Dad, I wanted to shout "Love, I think he'll be right, he used to be a Deputy Principal and spent 90% of his time yelling at halls a thousand kids strong with or without a microphone.  No problems with vocal chords here", but I restrained myself.  Dad has a better grasp of the whole humility thing than I do.

So Dad came over to Mum's this morning to watch the smalls open their pressies.  They got tonnes as usual, with some hits and misses.  P's favourite pressie was a pair of Hello Kitty PJs I bought her at the last minute.  Lucky!  She promptly stripped down and wore the jim jams all day long.  She's wearing them in bed again now.  Cutie patootie.

P lounging in her new, er, lounge wear I spose.

 

We had a VERY HOT day and so of course ate a huge pork roast with all the proverbial trimmings.  No, but seriously it was delicious and then we had cherry sherry trifle and some of good old Heston Blumenthal's pud.  Oh yeah.  Hubba hubba.  I overcame my uncharacteristic migraine induced lack of appetite and did the dinner justice, more or less. 

Me at the feast with a small.

 

Mum at the feast.

Hope you all had a nice day.  I'm off to indulge in some Christmas Day Night festive "nibblings at the leftovers", as is tradition.

My good friend Gordon has popped over and he's going to help me eat....

 

...some of this.

Peace be with you my interweb family.

Poo of a day. Festivus. For the rest of us.

WARNING: This post is long,  photo heavy and self-indulgent.


I had a CRAP DAY!  Everywhere I go I read blogs that say "I'm sick of hearing about people whinging and whining about life, harden up and be POSITIVE" and dammit I try hard to be humorous and see the good (which is hard as I am naturally all "What do you mean the glass is half empty?  It was never full!  Who drank it?  I'm thirsty and I want a drink and you mean my glass is EMPTY?") and what not but basically today was SHIT and I was a SHIT MOTHER and yelled at my toddler and rang my busy husband at work bawling and hysterical and had a HARDCORE MELTDOWN!  I put this status update on my personal FB account;

I usually hate whining FB rants but my 3 y.o. daughter and her behavior have reduced me to screaming rage filled tears today. I'm not looking for reassurance that I am an awesome mother here because I am freaking telling you today has been a What Not To Do as a Parent Day and I feel like poo. Yelling, screaming, crying, begging, shouting, chasing, threatening. You name it. Over it. Over it. Over it. I know there are people with awful problems and so forth but today I can't get perspective. And no booze. And no comfort eating. Farking farkity fark feck bum poo arse bugger bollocks crap shit.

This actually had the effect of cheering me up no end because of course my personal cheer squad chimed in with supportive crap out the whazoo so I am ok again and about to GET ME SOME BOOZE.  Also we bought P McDonalds in an attempt to atone for the horror day.  Poor kid stuck with a psycho mother. Who buys her junk food. Oh well.

Here's some slightly more cheering festive thoughts from me to distract from the gloom and horror of the day.

This year we will be up at the Slapdash family compound and spending Christmas Day with Mum in a sort of weird retro revisiting of family Christmases I have known.  It will be nice but also sad.  Last Christmas we didn't even know my stepdad was sick and now he is gone.  Anyway here's a sort of Dickensian tribute, a photo montage of recent-ish Family Christmases Past.

A much younger Mum sitting near the Chrissy Tree perusing some weird  retro cookbook for Christmas Dinner ideas no doubt. Maybe 1995-ish?

  This pic is from what I like to call "The Portly Years".  Mum and Dad and me looking rather well fed indeed. Brother C probs taking the pic.

This is much more recent.  Me and my bro at the unit at Mooloolaba we all stayed in one year.  This was M's first Christmas with us.  Probably 2005?

My first Christmas with M's family.  M partaking in a little tipple as he glazes the ham.

Cake and sherry.  The essence of Christmas.

The completed ham from that year.

M checking out his ancestral Christmas Tree.

Lunch with his family.  Me on my best behaviour, I didn't burp or even use the wrong cutlery or anything!

It was pork that year.  Crackling, anyone?

Fruity flan!

Another year, at M's family pre-Christmas knees-up.

The same year.  We went out to lunch at Pepper's Hervey Bay on Christmas Day with Dad.  Delightful and no washing up.

Same year.  M partaking in some bubbles.

Same year.  Awkward family shot.

First Christmas in our new house.

Dad and my brother-in-law with our niece.  

 All M's fam and my Dad and bro.  Note the crazy blue velvet cusions on the chairs.  We also inherited this dining suite from the same lady as the couches.  I ripped those suckers off and Mum and I reupholstered the hell out of them by buying some cheap IKEA fabric and staple gunning it on in true slapdash fashion.

As above, with atmospheric blurriness.

P's first Christmas.  Have Bumbo, will travel.

Christmas with Grandpa.  This was a hellish year where we drove to every parent under the sun and I went mad.

Christmas at Mum's with my brother C.

It was some time around this day that I went mad.  Screaming , sleep-deprived batshit crazy.  Sorry everyone.  Seems like this is a bit of a pattern for me!!!

Christmas the next year just us 3.  Was supposed to be Mum and her husband D too but the horror floods meant no traveling.  It was quite lovely really not to have to go anywhere.

Angel scampering.

The loot.

The morning.

Family photo.  Lush crazy vegetables and herbs in the background due to major crazy rain that year.

Last year.  Everyone at our house again.

Cousins.

My stepdad. And the ham. We didn't know this would be his last Christmas.

Pressies.

Table set ready to roll.

Almondy boozey fruity cakey goodness.

I for one can't wait for Christmas.  I am anything but a Scrooge.  Bring it on. We all need to look forward to something.

Mentoring like a boss.

Yesterday I got an invitation to go to a fundraising cocktail party.  It's to raise money to support new graduates and students in my erstwhile profession so they can attend a conference.  I'm supposed to be going as a VIP - "Very Important Professional" and I'm going to be paired with a fresh wide-eyed little student or graduate.  I found it a bit confusing, seeing as my own career trajectory has entered into what can only be described as a bit of a tailspin.  They must be deadset scraping the bottom of the barrel.  I pity the enthusiastic little up and comer who gets dumped with me.  Unless I am going to be used as a "What Not To Do" example.

Well, if anyone's looking for mentoring in "How to get made redundant while on maternity leave" or some lessons in "Commuting to work 3 hours every day for 6 years and hating every minute of it", then I suppose I'm your woman.

Mind you, if its tips on how to win friends and influence people you are after, you need look no further than my patented conference networking technique.  The technique involves;
1. Getting paraletic at a conference dinner
2.  Spraining your ankle on the dancefloor, followed by
3.  Lurching into to bed at 4am
4.  Getting up again at 6am to meet the bus that is waiting to take everyone on a whole day wine tour
5.  Sitting up the back of the bus, slumped in a corner with a plastic bag of ice on your ankle
5.  And finally, actually DOING the wine tour without vomiting.

This,  I am definitely an expert in and am only too happy to assist.  I'm sure you will agree that certainly did demonstrate some fairly legendary stamina, so perhaps that is why I'm being asked.  Yes, it makes sense now!  Watch and learn, grasshoppers!

Mentoring it the hell up, island style.

As above.

Sharing my knowledge.

Taking one for the team like a good mentor should

Mentoring like a boss.

Giving back to my profession.

Just doing some mentoring.

Anything for education.

Sacrificing myself on the alter of mentorship.

This is how it's done kids!

Bottoms up!

Mentoring - you're doing it wrong!

Getting my mentor on at my connubials.

Anyone else indulge in a bit of mentoring these days?  Any tips?  What should I do with my own life?  Who am I?  Where am I?  Quick, someone get me an icy cold mentor...I mean drink.