A winner and a pome..

Today I announce the much anticipated winner of my 1st Blogaversary Giveaway Exravaganza!

It was tough choosing a winner. From those few who entered, there were some sterling spleen ventings. Sterling.

But I have to choose one. I hate to do it really.  I'd like to say that spleen venting was the winner today but that's not the way this competition works.

So, without much further ado, I announce that the winner issss -

NESS OF BOGANVILLE! Mainly because she is growing a beard, just like me, and frankly has a better excuse (aka surrounded by testosterone) than I do.

OK so Ness here is your prize. A poem, just for you.

I have written it in the style of Keats, an updated version of his sonnet "On First Looking into Chapman's Homer" which you can conveniently read here on ole Wikipedia if you felt overcome with the urge to Improve your Mind with Highbrow pomes.

On First Looking into Ness's Boganville

Much have I travell'd in the realms of bogan,
And many bogan states and Kingswoods seen;
Round many western suburbs have I been
Which bogans in Falcons to The Footy Show hold.
Oft of one wide expanse had I been told
That fair-browed Ness ruled as her demesne;
Yet did I never breathe its pure serenity now
Til I heard Ness speak out loud and bold:
Then felt I like some watcher of the footy
When a new ball springs onto the field
Or like stout Alfie Langer when with eagle eyes
He star'd at the referee- and all his men
Look'd at each other with a wild surmise -
Silent, upon a peak in Darren Lockyer.

Wenatex pillow WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!

Hello everyone! Today I announce the much anticipated winner of the amazing Wenatex pillow giveaway!

To enter, you had to tell me why you deserved a good night's sleep - and you had to MAKE ME LAUGH!

The funniest entry would win!

I can tell you it was a toss up between a couple of entries that made me laugh out loud.  But in the end, I decided to choose...

ALEX FINLAYSON for his entry. Because VOMIT! Need I say more.

Here's his entry...

Great post... and at the risk of being "cyber-glared-at" (because we all know Dads win the game of 'who can keep their eyes shut the longest and pretend they are sleeping through the noise of the crying child') I'll answer your question.

Two nights ago we camped out in the back yard but the missus and RatBoy bailed out at about 10pm. RatGirl and I stayed in the tent but she kept wriggling out of her sleeping bag so I spent 'the entire night' making sure she was warm... and she snores.
Then last night RatGirl woke me up by tapping on my face... then spewing on it. The poor little bugger was sick every 20 minutes or so. And I'm organising a surprise "Congratulations! You're Still in Your 20s!" 29th birthday party for the missus so I've got a lot to do today... 

and being a bloke I get all 'grumpy-zombie' when I'm tired

Alex! Get in touch with me so I can send yo' details to the Wenatex peeps so they can post you their pillow. 

Thank you everyone for entering and thanks Wenatex for the great gift!

Over and out.

Wenatex bloggers event. AND A GIVEAWAY!

Good day loyal readership.
Thursday is, as always, the weekly Lounge Linkup. This week it is being hosted by the wonderful Kim Frost's blog Falling Face First. And the topic, you may be pleasantly surprised to note, is FAILS and STUFF UPS and so forth. I wouldn't know anything about that now would I?

Hmmmmmmmm.....

Well, it just so happens that I recently got invited to my first ever proper bloggers product event thingie the other week. Blog Power Events organised a morning tea, hosted by a company called Wenatex.

Never heard of them? I hadn't either! I was intrigued, nay, DELIGHTED to be invited. I mean WHO WOULDN'T?! I was dead set excited. I HAD FINALLY MADE IT ON THE BLOGGING SCENE, PEEPS!

I was quite nervous, but determined to make an EXCELLENT impression. I workshopped my outfit, booked in my Dad to babysit the dumplings, and Google mapped the hell out of the directions to the venue.

Or did I? Well to be perfectly honest what I did was what I ALWAYS DO. Despite my notoriously poor sense of direction, I quickly Googled the directions, took a bit of a look at them and said to myself "OH YES THAT LOOKS SO EASY I DON'T EVEN NEED TO REALLY WRITE THEM DOWN OR ANYTHING I CAN TOTALLY SEE HOW TO GET THERE! TOTALLY!" and headed off on my merry way.

OK so maybe when I headed off I might have already been about 1/2 hour late, but I said to myself "I can totally make up the time, it's not peak hour, there will be no traffic, PIECE OF CAKE!"

There was traffic. Oh lord was there traffic. Some sort of crazy accident or road works or whatever. Who knows, whatever it was had disappeared and left behind a traffic jam of epic proportions. OK maybe not epic but STILL BIG! I tried to be as ZEN as a MOFO about it but I could see the dice weren't exactly rolling my way.

I finally got into Brisbane and over the Gateway Bridge, and somehow was in the general vicinity of the venue, with enough time up my sleeve that could lead me there ON TIME! I know, I was pretty surprised too.

It was then I reached a crossroads. My inadequate scratchings on the back of an envelope merely stated the road I had to turn into, it didn't say which way to turn. The options were left OR right. I took a punt and turned left.

It was not the right decision. As I drove further and further along, I started to realize I was almost in the city. This was not good. By now the odds were firmly stacked against me ever arriving on time. I screeched over into a sidestreet and re-Googled the directions. "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry!" I told myself. "IT'S GONNA BE OK."

I think I then proceeded to take approximately 17 million wrong turns before finally arriving at the venue. I then did about twenty drive bys before I could find a corner of the street to park in.

So all in all, I arrived, sweaty, red faced and flustered, about 45 MINUTES LATE.

I know. How embarrassing. I guess it was kind of ON BRAND though, you know, SLAPDASH MAMA SHE SO CRAZY kind of thing.

Anyway, lucky for me, when I arrived there was an AMAZING bed, doona, pillow, fancy pants high tea spread and Pimms to soothe my savage breast.

Because it turns out Wenatex manufacture and sell sleep related gear - mattresses, pillows, doonas, you name it.

Here I am recovering from my difficult journey...

 Now that is a woman who is in need of a comfy bed. I am here to say that this was undoubtedly the comfiest bed I have ever had the pleasure of reclining on. I mean, maybe I'm no judge, what with my old school foam mattress on a single bed that I had until I was 18, but still. Comfy! Comfy as!

Wenatex is a European company and by God do those Europeans love a good lie down, am I right? I mean, siestas and naps left, right and centre! And apart from being as comfy as all get out, all the products are also free from chemicals harmful to humans, which is a very good thing indeed.

And apparently, according to our presenter, "intimacy" is also "AMAZING" on these mattresses. If you get my drift.

PHWOAAARRRR!

Some of their products are stuffed with their own special blend of secret herbs and spices, all designed to help you sleep. No, not THOSE secret herbs and spices!

Also the pillows have SILVER in them, so WATCH OUT WEREWOLVES, OK!? Or am I thinking of vampires?

Anyway pretty sure that if you had one of these herb stuffed mattress things or a silver pillow you would be safe from vampires AND werewolves*.

We got a pillow each as a present and I can tell you now I have NOT been attacked by a werewolf OR a vampire since.

You can read more about Wenatex on their website here

You too could have this protection! Wenatex have given me this pillow to give away to one lucky reader!

1  Wenatex Silvermed Plus classic pillow - http://www.wenatex.com.au/our_products.asp   RRP $320

I know! That is one high quality pillow right there!

To enter, you must complete the following challenges.

Tell me in the comments why you DESERVE a good night's sleep! I will be choosing the answer that amuses me the most so try and make it FUNNY!

If you wanted to go and like the blog's Facebook page that would be pretty cool too. WINK WINK!

The winner will be announced in a fortnight, on Thursday 22nd July.

 EDITED TO ADD: OH GOD SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHY I WROTE THIS. Thursday isn't the 22nd! I will change the date to MONDAY 22nd JULY.

*May not actually provide protection against supernatural life forms.

 DISCLAIMER: I was gifted a cool pillow. I am very lucky. I didn't receive any other payment for this giveaway. OK?

Winners of the Mollie Day giveaway!

And the winners are!

Roylene Mills
Annie Stevens
Ez from Life...Style'n!

Send me an email - slapdashmama@gmail.com - with your contact details ploise!

I had to draw it again between the three of you cos you all preferred the Charlotte.

So...

Roylene - Gwen
Ez - Charlotte
Annie - Jennie

This weird photo is me drawing the winners! That is my arm stuck in a paper bag of MYSTERY!

Mollie Day GIVEAWAY! I'm NOT KIDDING!

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

This is a *SPONSORED POST*!

Kind of.

A-wooga! A-wooga! A-wooga!

OK we've got that DISCLAIMER out of the way.  I defy anyone to remain UN-WARNED after that red alert.

Guys I've been feeling a little glum. Usually I enjoy the HELL out of the journey, but I'm just feeling a bit tired and grey. I mean, usually I enjoy the journey so much I'm like some kind of drunk backpacker who gets lucky with a Swedish tourist on the Eurostar in the Chunnel.  That is some journey to enjoy.  But I've got sick kids, mundanity, work, not being able to concentrate, blah blah. Also I feel a bit anxious about my blog and my writing and wondering WHY AM I DOING IT? Am I crap? What's my GOAL? WHAT TO DO?

So, not enjoying the journey too much.

But it's my birthday next week. The 27th in case anyone is interested.  I will be 21 AGAIN! So young. SO much to live for. So I thought I would do something SPECIAL so we can all ENJOY THE JOURNEY LIKE MOFOS again!

And that special something is a real, live GENUINE, NO JOKE GIVEAWAY!

I am EXCITED.

Going with my recent Mum Fash Blogger incarnation, I have been lucky enough to be given 3 Mollie Day clutches to give away to my readers.

You can find the Mollie Day store at http://www.mollieday.com.au/

Mollie Day is an online store dedicated about fusing femininity, style and elegance at affordable prices.  Each item is exquisitely decorated with beauty in mind, adding an understated and radiant accent to any outfit - day or evening.

Olivia from Mollie Day gifted me with one for my birthday too!

Here are the three I have to give away!

The Jennie - in silver 

The Gwen

The Charlotte - in Green

I know, pretty cool. They are sitting in my bedroom as we speak.

To enter, please leave me a comment on this post telling me which one you like best!
You don't have to be a FB liker or follower but I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE IT haha. 

Feel free to tell others.

I will draw three names randomly on my birthday, the 27th March.

By way of closing, and in keeping with my fashion theme, I present a few more recent OOTD pics from this week. Once again I grow weary of the usual poses and have introduced some of my own.

Here I am modelling my new clutch! It's the Regina in yellow. Check ME out!

Work shoes Monday. 

Work outfit Monday. This pose is called "Interpretive Dance with Toothbrush"

Weekend outfit. "Imma Little Teapot Comin ATCHA!" pose

Weekend shoes. 

 Good luck readers!

EDITED TO ADD: THIS GIVEAWAY COMPETITION IS NOW CLOSED!!!!

Giveaway winner announced!

OK everyone, here is the moment you have all been waiting for!!!!!

The winner of my giveaway is.......Amy xxoo!


Amy, email your address to me at slapdashmama@gmail.com and I'll post the mega prize pack of amazing specialness to you stat!

Here's my original and, let's face it,  fairly precocious opening paragraphs again for your delectation;

 A piercing shriek echoed through the dank corridors of the musty dungeon.  As the warden laughed evilly, he threw the lifeless form of Letitia Bouvier to the ground of the filthy, slime-ridden cell.  Her sodden dress clung to her body, drenched with her own blood.  The warden jangled the cell keys in his pocket, gave Letitia's still, pitiful body a last kick, and made his way to the door.
     "No!" An unrecognisable form threw himself against the bars of his cell.  The warden stopped in his tracks.  Turning round to stare coldly at the man, he sneered, "You'd better watch your step, Sir Gulliver.  The Baron can arrange special treatment for you too if you wish."  He threw back his head and laughed.
     Long after the warden had left, the evil laugh still echoed in Sir Gulliver's head.  As he stared at Letitia's pathetic body, he muttered under his breath, "Letitia will be avenged, I swear it on my brave father's grace."
     His tangled hair covered his distinctively aristocratic features, for he was a man of exquisite parentage, betrothed to the lovely Letitia....

And here's Amy's entry;

Sir Gulliver counted himself lucky that he had the fortune to find Letitia's long lost twin sister in that back woods, swamp bog of a village. Now here they were, at the altar, and he could live happily ever after with the living embodiment of his first true love.... And her ghost.The end.

Frankly I like the way Sir Gulliver just picked himself and got on with it, none of this pining away like a pathetic consumptive business. Seems a nice sensible chap really.  Just what I would do in his place.

Amy has a blog too, go and say hello!!

Thanks everyone who entered you are all totally high-larious. I'm sure you are all deadset devo that you didn't win but maybe, just maybe, I will come up with another equally covetous prize in the near future!

Or if anyone out there has some deadly freebies to shove my way let me know.

Bye byes!

A dead giveaway.

Hello loyal fans.

If you are one of my dedicated Facebook groupies, you might have noticed that I have finally cracked the 100 fan mark!

I know!  FAMOUS!!!

Actually I think it is 105 likers.

I want to say THANK YOU so much to everyone who wastes time reading this blog.  Truly, my whole life I've thought how much I'd love to be a writer.  Even as a kid I used to write stuff.
Now apparently I have a captive audience and I couldn't be happier. I know it's only me writing silly crap but I'm loving it sick.

Good work internetz.

Now, something that blogging types do occasionally is indulge in a little giveaway madness! Or as I like to call it, buying friends!  I am not averse to a little bit of bribery so I thought I'd get involved.  I did say a while back that if I got to 100 likes, I'd "do something nice".
Well here it is! Slapdash Mama's very first giveaway.

So I guess the theory would usually be that if you had a really awesome prize and made it pretty easy to enter, new readers would hear of this exciting competition and would flock to your blog en masse! And you would have a million new fans!

Unfortunately I am rather a nobody in this business and am not exactly inundated with gifts and freebies, so I have put together my own rather meagre prize pack, and am correspondingly going to make it SUPER HARD AND COMPLEX to enter!  Because it is my blog and I can if I want to.

Feast your eyes on the generous prizes I have prepared for you!

I got these cool paper straws from Woolies.  If you win, I will send them to you.  You too can jazz up your kid's drink by shoving a straw in it.  Creates instant carnival atmosphere!!!!

You will also get ONE ONLY of these childrens books.  B was accidentally gifted with the same book twice for his birthday, so that makes you guys the WINNERS right there! I am generously going to send one to you if you win this giveaway.  Regifting for the win!  I have to add here that after reading this book, I don't rate it highly.  Still, what's free is cheap, right guys??

Last but not least, you will recieve this UNOPENED packet of cupcake papers from IKEA that I bought and didn't use at Christmas.  Because, you know, the whole cake theme I've got going on at the moment.  Or cake fail theme, if you will.

Another angle of the same aforementioned cupcake thingoes.

SOUNDS GOOD RIGHT!? Who wouldn't want to win! I might even autograph them. I'll think about it.

To enter, you must complete the following challenges.

1.  Like me on FB, or follow the blog with the Google blogger thingo on the sidebar, whichever you prefer.

2.  And now this is the hard part.  Speaking of my youthful writing projects, I recently discovered the first paragraph of an unfinished short story I started when I was maybe 14 or so.  It's like a kind of bodice ripper romance Mills and Boon mixed with a Gothic novel type thing. I have virtually no memory of writing it.  Anyway I never got around to penning more than this...

     A piercing shriek echoed through the dank corridors of the musty dungeon.  As the warden laughed evilly, he threw the lifeless form of Letitia Bouvier to the ground of the filthy, slime-ridden cell.  Her sodden dress clung to her body, drenched with her own blood.  The warden jangled the cell keys in his pocket, gave Letitia's still, pitiful body a last kick, and made his way to the door.
     "No!" An unrecognisable form threw himself against the bars of his cell.  The warden stopped in his tracks.  Turning round to stare coldly at the man, he sneered, "You'd better watch your step, Sir Gulliver.  The Baron can arrange special treatment for you too if you wish."  He threw back his head and laughed.
     Long after the warden had left, the evil laugh still echoed in Sir Gulliver's head.  As he stared at Letitia's pathetic body, he muttered under his breath, "Letitia will be avenged, I swear it on my brave father's grace."
     His tangled hair covered his distinctively aristocratic features, for he was a man of exquisite parentage, betrothed to the lovely Letitia....

Actually now that I read it again it seems almost like a precurser to the Game of Thrones books.  Also, how funny is it that I used the name Bouvier!?  Pretty funny.

No matter.

Your task, if you choose to accept it, is to tell me in 50 words or less, HOW DOES THIS STORY END?

I know it hasn't got a middle part either.  Just cut to the chase and give me the last few sentences.  Humour me.

THE BEST ENTRY WILL WIN MY UNDYING LOVE AND THE AMAZING PREVIOUSLY DESCRIBED PRIZE PACK!!!!!

I will post it to you and everything.

I will reveal the winner........probably on the weekend.

Get writing dudes!  I just know I will be inundated with entries.  Post them in the comments or email them to me at slapdashmama@gmail.com.

Ciao!