A winner and a pome..

Today I announce the much anticipated winner of my 1st Blogaversary Giveaway Exravaganza!

It was tough choosing a winner. From those few who entered, there were some sterling spleen ventings. Sterling.

But I have to choose one. I hate to do it really.  I'd like to say that spleen venting was the winner today but that's not the way this competition works.

So, without much further ado, I announce that the winner issss -

NESS OF BOGANVILLE! Mainly because she is growing a beard, just like me, and frankly has a better excuse (aka surrounded by testosterone) than I do.

OK so Ness here is your prize. A poem, just for you.

I have written it in the style of Keats, an updated version of his sonnet "On First Looking into Chapman's Homer" which you can conveniently read here on ole Wikipedia if you felt overcome with the urge to Improve your Mind with Highbrow pomes.

On First Looking into Ness's Boganville

Much have I travell'd in the realms of bogan,
And many bogan states and Kingswoods seen;
Round many western suburbs have I been
Which bogans in Falcons to The Footy Show hold.
Oft of one wide expanse had I been told
That fair-browed Ness ruled as her demesne;
Yet did I never breathe its pure serenity now
Til I heard Ness speak out loud and bold:
Then felt I like some watcher of the footy
When a new ball springs onto the field
Or like stout Alfie Langer when with eagle eyes
He star'd at the referee- and all his men
Look'd at each other with a wild surmise -
Silent, upon a peak in Darren Lockyer.

Faint Praise, and On Being Highbrow.

If you haven't heard already it's been raining cats and dogs in these parts. Still.  Hurrumph. I am thinking of building an ark.  Just for me, mind. Get your hands off it and build your own lifeboat you lazy bums.

P went for a walk in the rain. Squee.

M undertook a craft activity with P.

I know, talk about over achieving [eye roll]. Check out this castle and dragon and sword wielding Princess!

M is always showing me up in this way. So rude.  The first time he looked after P when I had to go to work, I came home and he had made a madeira cake, pruned the lemon tree and tidied the house.  I know! I don't even know what a madeira cake is! Selfish show offy bastard.  As you can imagine I was ENRAGED by this, and rightly so.  I gave him a bloody good telling off.

What's that? Unreasonable? Me? How dare you!

Which brings me to my next point.

You may have noticed over the side there that I have been nominated for the Best Australian Blogs 2013 competition! I know! How awesome!

Some really fantastically nice person nominated me for that.  She is attractive, smells nice, is EXCELLENT at baking cakes, has great dress sense, is hilarious, kind, smart, witty, a good listener, empathetic, creative, well informed, passionate, and just downright delightful.  I think you guys might even know her.  She likes to take the piss out of herself but we all know she is actually a FANTASTICALLY LOVEABLE, WONDERFUL DEVOTED MOTHER AND AN ALL ROUND GREAT PERSON!

Can you guess!?

That's right, it's me! I nominated myself.  What of it?!

I told my mum proudly that I'd put myself up for nomination, and there was a deathly silence on the other end of the phone, until she offered this gem;

"Oh darling that's, ah, good. You know the great thing about your blog is how FREQUENTLY you update! Nearly every day! And you know what, you are really improving, I do think so. Definitely improving!"

Underwhelming, I'd have to say.

I've been damned with faint praise all round the place recently about a variety of things and frankly I don't like it.

I nominated a couple of other blogs too including my ole friend Mumabulous, who was also incredulous that we light hearted mummy bloggers would be considered "highbrow" enough for this salubrious award.

Well frankly I think we are as highbrow as all get out.  If that's what the judges are after then they have totes come to the right place.

I'll give you highbrow! OMG!

Just to prove how FREAKING highbrow mummy bloggers can be, I have written adapted a Shakespearean sonnet, inspired by the episode of Kevin McCloud's man made home I watched last night.

ODE TO KEVIN

Let me not to the marriage of Grand Designs
Admit impediments, a hot tub is a hot tub
Which, altered from a plane engine*
Lies nestled in a pile of mud.
O yes, it is a very fancy robe
From alpaca wool he had it made;
The hands of retro crones have woven**
It for him to wear in his Man Cave.
Kev's not time's fool, nor technology's either,
From his medieval drawbridge deck
He doth watcheth the sheep and weather***
And nary a laptop nor Iphone to check.
   I sigh and yearn to live off the grid
  Just as Kevin, old Smuggy McSmuggington, did.
   

* pronounced to rhyme with design, OBVIOUSLY!
** to rhyme with robe. Duh.
*** rhymes with either. Doesn't it?

There you have it. You want highbrow? You got it baby.

Are you high brow? Or is it highbrow? I never know.  Tell me which is right in the comments!