Slapdash Mama turns one.

So I just realised something - today is Slapdash Mama's first birthday!

Woo!

Where has the time gone? I remember the day she was born. This time last year, she came screaming and ranting into the world and frankly we haven't been the same since.

Don't try and tell me you aren't moved by this momentous date. I know you would be lost without her.

I'm sure you will agree that Slapdash Mama has Spleen Venting down to an artform.

Here's some of the highlights in pictorial form...

Sorry about the sideways one. No matter.

In true spleen venting fashion, I thought I would vent the hell out of some spleen for your reading pleasure, as a sort of thank you for reading and being part of the GLOBAL PHENOMENON that is this here blog.

OK, so here is me, venting some spleen.

God I feel so emotional.

Pull yourself together woman.

OK. I can do this.

Just to mix it up, I thought I would offset the spleen venting with some POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS, you know because I would hate to be a freaking downer all the time.

Deep breath.

And away we go. Dot points FTW.

• Last week M was away in Sydney for work and I was holding the fort parenting wise. Fucking hell.
• This was offset by the face my Mum cam and rescued my by DOING ALL OF THE THINGS! Why can't she be here always.
• For the second part of the week I drove up the coast to stay at her place, and on the way B vomited all over himself in the car. After I'd pulled over, cleaned him up, and used my mobile to ring the parentals to tell them I was late, I strapped him back in again and took off, only to hear a "CLUNK!" as something slid off the roof . When glancing behind me I saw my little black iphone in the middle of the motorway. Presumably smashed to smithereens by now. I didn't, as advised by friends including the hairdresser, play chicken to retrieve it. Which means I am phoneless. 
• This was offset by M ringing me to tell me he had won an Ipad mini at the conference. Easy come, easy go.
• I congratulated someone at work for successfully getting the job they had applied for. Except they hadn't. Been successful that is. Awkward.
• This was offset by the fact that. Um. Well nothing really. It was just stupid of me.
• I hated all my clothes and wanted to burn them.
• This was offset when my mum gave me some money to buy new clothes. I know. Ridiculously lucky. I am spoilt to the max.
• My hair was feral and shaggy.
• Offset when Mum sent me to the hairdresser. I know. Isn't she the best.
• I really, really, realllllyyyy hurt my back on the weekend. SO PAINFUL. Doing exercise of course.
• This was offset by the fact I have been doing exercise. So, you know, yay for me.
• Despite my beach anxiety and crippled back, I went to the beach on SUnday because M wanted to and I am awesome.
• Offset by SEEING WHALES off the coast! I have never seen that before! SO AMAZING! Just on the beach! Totally worth dragging my injured body over the hot sand.

Look, I could go on, but I am boring even myself.

Anyway, to celebrate my one year blogaversary, I have decided to HOLD A COMPETITION!

That's right readers! To enter, just vent your own spleen in the comments or on my FB page. The best spleen venting, as judged by myself, will win.

What will they win, I hear you ask?

Good question. Unfortunately I have been unable to identify an appropriate sponsor for this event.

So, in keeping with my first ever giveaway, I have decided to make up the prize myself.

The winner of this giveaway will get the highly sought after privilege of having a poem written about them. BY ME! THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE!

I think you will see from previous blog posts here and here, that I have an extremely solid record of pome writing.

Also, this one time, in Grade 7, I wrote a pome about Gallipoli and won some competition.  Some of the lines were;

They fought a futile war
Many soldiers died
We cannot count the score
Their families often cried

I think you will agree that my words are deeply moving and reminiscent of a young Yeats, or perhaps some of Shelley's early work. Can't you just FEEL THE EMOTION? I am basically striding around the Lake Country feeling feelings like there is no tomorrow IN A METAPHORICAL SENSE!

SO there you have it! Enter away my Slappy friends!

And thank you. Thank you all.

*weeps delicately*

Here's a first birthday cake I prepared earlier for your enjoyment...