Death and taxes. But mainly death.

I haven't blogged for ages. I once read a blog post somewhere that said the worst thing a blogger can do is apologise to their readership for being absent because AS IF anyone actually cares or notices.

I wouldn't want to seem up myself! God no.

So I ain't apologizing to nobody.

Anyway.

I went to a funeral a couple of weeks ago. An old teacher friend of my Dad's, who taught me back in the day, died suddenly of a heart attack. He was only 60. It was very shocking for his family.

I went with Dad to the funeral. It was at my old high school, where he and his wife have both been teaching for over 30 years. My parents taught there for a goodly period too.

There were more than 1000 people in attendance. Amazing.

His Year 12 Physics class formed the guard of honour. They were all weeping hysterically, poor kids. You know what teenagers are like. I guess it was probably one of their first experiences of death. Facing mortality and all that.

It was disorienting being back at school. At the wake, I was served hot nibblies (including cheeerios and sauce) by my old teachers. Weird.

His wife, my former English teacher,  was distraught, but their three daughters were amazing.

I wasn't sure that they would remember me.  I gave the middle daughter a hug, and said "Do you remember me? Sarah?"

She said through her tears, "Of course I do! I vomited all over your house when I was a little girl once."

"Really?" I said. "I don't remember that! Look, all is forgiven. What's a vomit between friends!"

We all had a good laugh. Well, good-ish. Wake-appropriate.

There were a couple of people from my year there. It was nice to see them. High school seems simultaneously a long time ago and only yesterday. I had the strange feeling that everything was physically smaller than it used to be. I guess school looms large in your memory.

Anyway because I don't have a smart phone these days and I never remember to take the camera anywhere, here are some photos from the archives. Of my 10 year high school reunion. So sort of in theme.

Fascinating I know. Crazy times.

I think about death ALL the time. Odd I know. I'm always convincing myself that I've got a terminal illness.  I recently bought a necklace with skulls in it because I'm constantly getting all memento mori on everyone's arses.

I thought about Mr H dying so suddenly, and felt compelled to tell M that if I were to die suddenly, I request that;

- I be cremated
- The funeral is held at Dad's church
- I want nice music to be played that makes everyone think fondly of me and weep tears of bittersweet bittersweetness, which is totes my favourite emotion
- If they want a memorial stone or something then put it at the Buderim cemetery.

I will think further about my funereal music choices and advise you when I am decided. Hopefully I don't die before then.

Memento mori, people. Memento mori.

A winner and a pome..

Today I announce the much anticipated winner of my 1st Blogaversary Giveaway Exravaganza!

It was tough choosing a winner. From those few who entered, there were some sterling spleen ventings. Sterling.

But I have to choose one. I hate to do it really.  I'd like to say that spleen venting was the winner today but that's not the way this competition works.

So, without much further ado, I announce that the winner issss -

NESS OF BOGANVILLE! Mainly because she is growing a beard, just like me, and frankly has a better excuse (aka surrounded by testosterone) than I do.

OK so Ness here is your prize. A poem, just for you.

I have written it in the style of Keats, an updated version of his sonnet "On First Looking into Chapman's Homer" which you can conveniently read here on ole Wikipedia if you felt overcome with the urge to Improve your Mind with Highbrow pomes.

On First Looking into Ness's Boganville

Much have I travell'd in the realms of bogan,
And many bogan states and Kingswoods seen;
Round many western suburbs have I been
Which bogans in Falcons to The Footy Show hold.
Oft of one wide expanse had I been told
That fair-browed Ness ruled as her demesne;
Yet did I never breathe its pure serenity now
Til I heard Ness speak out loud and bold:
Then felt I like some watcher of the footy
When a new ball springs onto the field
Or like stout Alfie Langer when with eagle eyes
He star'd at the referee- and all his men
Look'd at each other with a wild surmise -
Silent, upon a peak in Darren Lockyer.

Upset tummy. New clothes.

I'm sorry to sound like a broken record (oh who am I kidding this stuff is my bread and butter) but I am feeling sorry for myself because M has gone away again for work and Baby B and I have had the....look this is going to sound indelicate....we have the Galloping Trots.

I feel better today than I did yesterday. Thank God for my retired father who could come and do his best to help out. Since he has a gammy knee he can't take full control of the ship but at least I had an offsider.

Also my back is still killing me.

I have decided to distract myself by telling you in minute detail about all the new clothes I have bought recently, both with my own pocket money (read: I went to the op shop) and with some Pin Money given to me by the Mater.

Trouble is my phone is missing, and I can't find the camera. SO I can't take any photos. I have decided to make do with description instead.

OP SHOP PURCHASES

- Above the knee Sussan denim skirt - $4!!
- Floral Just Jeans blouse thingo - $3!
- Whit Tshirt thing - $3!

OTHER PURCHASES

- Stretchy fitted lime green knee length skirt thingo - Target $10
- This white blouse from Sussan

Picture stolen from Sussan website - it was $99.95 which frankly is OUTRAGEOUS because it is as thin as anything and will probably become shredded in a few wears but I really liked it and I was spending someone else's money.

- Some camel coloured linen shortsy type things from Sussan too
- A flowy black top from Katie's. Dead cheap.
- A groovy Mexican type scarf from Target that I saw Rachel from Redcliffe Style talk about on her blog
- Dress from Piper at Myer - it's a sort of lime green yellow geometric patterned shirt dress thing. Can't remember how much but as always TOO MUCH for what it is which is about 2cm of material. GOD EVERYTHING IS SO EXPENSIVE OR IS IT JUST ME?
- Got M a pink polo shirt from COuntry Road.

I really like COuntry Road and wandered around a while looking at their nice things but just can't cope with how PRICEY it is for, you know, just a cotton top or whatever. I mean GOD! I think I am the only one who thinks this because I was listening in on a convo in the store that went along these lines;
[Grey bobbed linen-bedraped customer] - Ohhh you have so many nahhhs dresses at the moment, they are just greashhhhhhhh
[CR shop ladies] - Oh I knowwww, I knowwwww
[Grey bobbed one] - And so reaaaaaasonable! Just so REAAAASSSSSSOOOONABBBLLEE!
[CR shop ladies] - Oh I knowwwwwwwww, I knowwwwwwwww, so reaaaaasonable!

I was about to interject with a "Reasonable? I'll give you REASONABLE!" but thought better of it since I was walking around fondling the garments in a fairly shameless and covetous way and it might have looked hypocritical and God knows I could do without THAT!

Anyway, here's hoping my guts sort themselves out STAT or that at least I lose some GODDAMN WEIGHT from this ghastly state of affairs. Knowing my luck I will probably PUT IT ON or something.

Anyway, yours in Comfort Shopping and Toilet Sitting

xx