Thursday, January 2, 2014

Have more sex. Be more fun.

Happy New Year readers! What sort of crazy hijinks did you lot get up to? I turned down numerous invitations to attend a variety of VIP loft apartment parties. I became exhausted from all the energy I expended declining politely.  I mean, I hate to DISAPPOINT people even if they are all incredibly rich and glamorous and swathed in diamonds.  I already had plans, you see. We had our friends the Ls round for pizzas and sparklers and were all in bed by 10pm.  You have to get in early to book us out for New Year (TAKE NOTE FOR NEXT YEAR, GLAMOROUS ACQUAINTANCES).

As far as New Year’s Resolutions go, I’ve come to the realization that they are all a crock.  Talk about pressure! Who needs it? Consequently I have only jotted down a couple of modest goals, not wanting to get carried away with ridiculous expectations!
Here they are! Just low key, you understand.

1.       Exercise regularly

2.       Lose weight

3.       Learn how to crochet

4.       Blog regularly

5.       Get straight HDs at uni

6.       Keep the house immaculate

7.       Write more

8.       Practice sewing regularly

9.       Write and publish some articles

10.   Start a novel

11.   Save money

12.   Find a different job

13.   Write more

14.   Have more sex

15.   Be more fun

16.   Grow my hair a bit

17.   Keep on top of my bikini line

18.   Stop picking my cuticles

19.   Eat more vegetables

20.   Read more books

21.   Entertain more

22.   Cook better meals

23.   Meal plan

24.   Deal with paperwork ASAP

25.   Stop using Facebook all the time

26.   Stop looking at all the time like a crazy person

27.   Stop buying so many clothes

28.   Be more patient

29.   Be nicer to my husband

30.   Stop whinging

31.   Declutter regularly

32.   Start practicing the piano again

33.   Take more photographs

34.   Stop shouting

35.   Keep a food diary

36.   Read more blogs

37.   Comment on more blogs

38.   Toilet train Baby B

39.   Count my blessings

40.   Bake regular healthy snacks for family

41.   Print photos and put in albums/frames

42.   Eat smaller portions

43.   Stop procrastinating

44. Write more

See, just a couple of eminently achievable goals! NO PRESSURE AT ALL! Easy as! If I can't achieve EVERY SINGLE ONE of these meagre resolutions then I'll be a monkey's uncle!

Christmas was pleasant even if I didn't do a few of the things I wanted to. I didn't;

- catch up with a group of old school friends like I originally planned
- go to Woodford for a day because 'spensive
- do any exercise

I did, however;

- eat my body weight in chocolate almonds
- eat my body weight in trifle
- eat my body weight in cold collations

So all was not lost.

Here's some pictures. Our camera has finally bitten the dust so the pictures will dry up from here on in. I know, tragic.

A homegrown nativity scene.

Christmas morning tableau, with mozzie bites and bandaids

Small person with large rashie and bucket hat carries umbrella on patio.

I like to call this one "Still life with tea and bitten thumbnail".

Christmas morning. Compulsory tricky plastic packaging.

Ubiquitous fancy marmalade gift for M. He is a man who likes his condiments.


Small boy engaging in small boy-esque close up inspection of new "Pig Fuck" aka big truck.

Faux Sylvanian Family Member.

Prawn shells. And feelers and googly eye things and poo tubes. *shudder*

Anyway hope all is well and that you have been sensible with the resolutions like me. It doesn't do to put too much standing on one silly day of the year, right?



  1. you have just written out 99% of my resolutions!! And yet I am wondering how i am going to wash my hair tonight after a dinner and getting ready for the weekend...Oh well - Happy new year! :))

    PS love that nativity scene

    1. I know, the nativity scene is the cutest ever, right? Happy New Year!

  2. What wonderful goals! Setting yourself up to be more and more awesome!!! If you had to prioritise, my vote is to go for not picking cuticles. It will make such a difference to your life (and close-ups). I note there's an out for looking at real You can still do it as long as you do it in a clam, reasoned manner and not like a crazy person. Well, that's a step forward.

    I hate prawns shells and cast offs. They make me think prawns are too much like weird insects. In the gender distribution of jobs, disposing of these is definitely the man about the house's task.

    1. The picking cuticles is indeed an unattractive problem. I seem to only do it in bursts, sometimes my nails look quite nice. MYSTERIOUS! I totally agree re: prawn task distribution. I just pretend I don't know how to do it.

    2. Agreed! Disposing of dead creatures of any type (whether it's wild life or prawn detritus) falls squarely within the responsibilities of the man in any relationship. God knows what lesbians do - they either live in houses beseiged by dead things or else they draw straws...

  3. That could EASILY be my list too! So many areas for improvement, so little time. Or energy. Or money. The one about printing the photos haunts me. I have bought zillions of frames and where are they all? Down the side of my wardrobe, hiding in shame amongst my bad shoe decisions and clothes that I fool myself into thinking will one day fit me again. Thats where. And all because I never print the damn photos!

    However all is not lost! I have recently downloaded an app where you can order prints directly fro your photo roll on your phone. And crucially... THEY DELIVER!! I will let you know how i go with it :)

    1. This is an EXCELLENT IDEA if only I had a smart phone. OH GOD THE HUMANITY!

  4. Slacker! You couldn't even round it up to 50??!! I'm so perfect I think I'll stay as I am...(hollow laughter). Cutest little nativity scene EVER!! Happy New Year.

    1. Sulky there is so much room for improvement I probs could have made it 100!!!!!

  5. Happy New Year to you. Good to see your resolutions are realistic and achievable! Your mini Mary and Joseph are adorable. Look forward to a catch up soon. x

  6. Hee hee hee the photos and captions had me nearly wetting my pants ...

    1. Get onto those pelvic floor exercises STAT Janet!

  7. I love your resolution list! To hell with all this 'Oh, I don't do resolutions but...' stuff I'm seeing on other blogs this week. Aim high I say! You're sure to achieve at least some of it! Happy new year :)

    1. I know, right!? Losers all of them! THey wish they were me!

  8. I spent my New Years trying to drink some sparkling shiraz and watch a move with R but because of cursed Apple TV I couldn't get the movie to work and so really spent the night goggling "HDMI error" and getting angry.
    Bring on 2014 I say!
    I love all of your goals.
    But can you please put get a smart phone as number one…it needs to be a priority. I am willing to enable this goal by taking you to an Optus shop and making you sign on the dotted line.
    And then I will come home and deal with my paperwork…you know that resolution has been on my to do list for about three years…along with polish the teapot.

    1. IT IS TOTALLY A RESOLUTION! Oh God why can't I get organised. It's too hard. Phones, plans, blah blah,money, blah blah

  9. Shit burger lovely, there is NO WAY JOSE could I even start that list. But I do love to admire (hate) over achievers, so get to it! Thanks for the laughs via your captions. You must come over for a swim ASAP! Seriously! I am smashed with work this week but start of next week easy peasy lemon squeezy xxxx Here's to a healthy and happy 2014 xxx


Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

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